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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let my son play with the contents of my purse?

29 replies

lecce · 05/10/2013 21:28

He is 4 (though looks younger).

He has to come with us when ds1 has his 30 minute swimming lesson. Sometimes I remember to pack toys, sometimes not, either way he likes to pull out all the cards that are in my purse.

Every week some other parent will tell me that he is doing this in such a way that they are assuming I hadn't noticed (he sits on the floor and adults stand - we are on a bridge thingy above the pool). They phrase it as a warning. When I smile and nod, they look Shock and I feel like I am letting him do something he shouldn't.

I looks down at him and we chat very frequently. He is sitting down, not running around with them and there seems to me that there is no risk. AIBU?

OP posts:
VodkaRevelation · 05/10/2013 21:32

As I was pushing my son, in his buggy, onto a bus yesterday a woman stopped me and said in a horrified tone "he's got his shoe! You'll lose it!"

I knew he had his shoe. I had given up putting it back on after he had taken it back off for the third time.

I told her I knew and she looked very disapproving and said "well, you'll lose it"

I ignored her. If she hasn't been so aghast and a bit more "ooo, did you realise?", I wouldn't have been so bothered.

VodkaRevelation · 05/10/2013 21:32

So, no, YANBU!

gloucestergirl · 05/10/2013 21:35

YANBU

I let DD to this all the time. None of their business. He needs something to play with a cards and money can be good jangly fun.

I have to admit that this sort of "advice" is very irritating as I am super-sensitive and percieve it as they think that I am not aware of what my child is doing. I am aware and I have made a choice you nosey parker! But maybe they are just well-meaning and I have issues with judgement.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 05/10/2013 21:35

Is there any risk he could post the cards through the bridge into the pol and lose them? If not then I wouldn't worry at all - let him play and be happy, and tell the onlookers that it is fine.

FadBook · 05/10/2013 21:36

DD has always played with my purse from about 12 months old. It keeps her entertained as do empty cardboard boxes instead of the plastic toys that were in them.

YANBU - suppose they're telling you in case he looses something in it perhaps?

CatsRule · 05/10/2013 21:36

My ds is 19 months and loves emptying my purse...I do take coins out incase he tries to eat them!

As long as there is no risk I don't see why it's so bad...chose your battles!

Original poster
lecce · 05/10/2013 21:42

Thank goodness! There is a fitted carpet so no way he could post them into the pool. There is another mother I usually chat to and she will say, "Oh no, he's got them all out again!" and I'm thinking, "so what?" but I can see she, and others, expect me to take them off him. Glad to hear it's not an obviously bad thing to do.

OP posts:
SeaSickSal · 05/10/2013 21:43

YANBU, my baby likes doing that. But I don't think they mean anything by telling you, I don't think they are judging you, just concerned he might lose your money/cards if you didn't know what he was doing.

PeppiNephrine · 05/10/2013 21:49

They are trying to help you. Bloody hell, the things people complain about. Hmm

Pistillate · 05/10/2013 21:55

I used to do this. It gave my dd aged 5 the idea that my purse could be a plaything. I stopped allowing it when she hid my purse in the living room, and I spent ages looking for it to pay the milkman, ended up having to write him a cheque, and continue looking for in for a further 1/2 hour.

Keep your bag well out of reach once you are home

Original poster
lecce · 05/10/2013 22:02

I'm not complaining. I am, through no fault of anyone else's, a bit anxious and prone to doubting myself. I therefore wanted to check what others thought of this. I haven't said anything rude about these people have I? Yes, they are probably trying to help. There was no need for the Hmm.

OP posts:
EugenesAxe · 05/10/2013 22:04

YANBU - I've seen two purse children (including my DD) while watching swimming. I hate this TBH; let me know by all means but not in a tone.

My mate once said to me 'Argh! Your DS is eating his foot!'. My look was very 'Yeah? Never mind.' I expect that I am being more unreasonable about that one though!

ICameOnTheJitney · 05/10/2013 22:08

I think Yabu really. It's money and cards which have value...they're not toys d children need to learn they have value...and are a bit special.

Mine never touch my purse...they know it's out of bounds.

VikingLady · 05/10/2013 22:15

DD is 18m and I often let her play with my purse. I just take out any paper money and my bank card first! She likes moving coins from one section to another, or carefully transferring them to her pockets then back again, reorganising the loyalty cards..... It keeps her busy and happy for up to 30m!

I'm always watching her though, and she doesn't put coins in her mouth.

Your kid, your purse, your boundaries. It's not harming anyone else.

CHJR · 05/10/2013 22:17

Depends on what's in your purse... And who's watching Grin. Besides you DO know what purse is slang for in Amerca right?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 05/10/2013 22:50

My other worries would be that he could fold your bank card and stop it working, or that he might get hold of your purse some other time and lose your cards without you knowing.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 05/10/2013 22:52

NoYANBU to let your DS play with your purse, but most people don't, so don't be surprised when people comment on it to you - I'm sure they aren't implying you aren't watching him, just that kids are like lightning & you may not want him to be doing it...

I don't let them because it would just worry/annoy me (that things were messed up or would get lost) so when my friend lets her DD do this I do find it odd & I get a bit anxious but that's because her DD does put the coins in her mouth.

pixiegumboot · 05/10/2013 23:29

nonsense. they are not trying to help you. help (for small issues like this);is asked for. anything else is inteferring.

sample from the past few weeks - oooh don't let him put those keys in his mouth he'll choke! yes thanks, I'm his mother, he's right in front of me, they can barely fit in his mouth let alone go down his throat. would you like to take him home with you since I'm obviously so shit. no? thought not, now fuck off.

WahIzzit · 05/10/2013 23:57

Yanbu as it is your purse and your dc.
I used to occasionally let dc 'play' with my purse but once I lost a bank card which had me in a panic for a few hours. I dont really allow them anymore but ds is 12 months old and doesn't really get why not just yet. Will not let it become a habit though. Dc1 (nearly 4) understands now my purse is not a toy.

I would definitely not allow any dc to play with it whilst we are out somewhere incase it gets pinched/misplaced. However my belongings do have a habit of growing legs and running away when out and about.

whethergirl · 06/10/2013 00:12

No of course YANBU.

However, I personally would feel uncomfortable DS emptying/playing with my purse when he was a toddler, and even now as an 8 year old! I'm not sure why...I guess I might feel like something would get lost if he threw it over his shoulder or something. I dunno, I just wouldn't be able to relax. There are some Very Important things in my purse and I just don't like the idea of them being in the hands of a kid. It feels a bit invasive somehow too. I don't let DS plough into my handbag either, unless he asks first and is looking for something.

Maybe others also feel the same way and this is why they're reacting?

HandMini · 06/10/2013 00:16

YANBU, but whenever i see someone letting a child play with keys/mobile/purse, a small voice is saying inside my head "noooooo, your mobile is about to get scobbed on/pound is about to get swallowed".

Other people may let that small voice out.

If you're laid back enough to let your child forage through your purse, I imagine you're laid back enough to just smile and say "it's ok, I'm happy for him to do it"

Pickle131 · 06/10/2013 00:17

I would be a bit Confused but that's because of how filthy dirty coins are - think of all the things they say are embedded in train seats, but worse! And I'd think it's probably asking for trouble risking your things being removed and dropped and lost. And I don't like to flash my wallet. I'm perhaps more cautious since being pick-pocketed.
I think the same with keys though, do your kids play with keys too OP? tut tut Wink

sydlexic · 06/10/2013 00:18

I saw a documentary on TV that said bank notes carry the flu virus for up tp 17 days, 84% of notes have traces of coccaine on them and fecal matter. If they saw that it might have put them off.

craftycottontail · 06/10/2013 00:31

If he loves it that much I'd probably put together an old purse with some unimportant loyalty cards etc for him to play with, purely because I'd be worried about him misplacing/losing something
important, but that's just me!

I'm sure people are just trying to be helpful in commenting

BrianTheMole · 06/10/2013 00:41

Your choice, not a problem, but I guess the other people are just letting you know, I wouldn't let dc play with my purse, mainly because they will then just take it out my bag at home and not put the contents back. And I might not notice until I'm queuing up to pay for something and then realize my cards are missing.

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