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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Just need a few other opinions on teachers' comment to boy...

331 replies

LadyOfTheFlowers · 04/10/2013 17:45

DS2 has long hair. About 3 inches below his collar, shorter towards front - can tuck behind his ears.
For PE it was requested he had a sweatband. I bought 2 he lost them, I forgot about it over summer.
PE has resumed and the PE teacher got mad, telling him 'If you don't have a sweatband next lesson I will cut your hair off!'
Now the boy is 7 and truly believes his mad PE teacher might chop his hair off.
It is my fault he doesn't have a sweatband. Why didn't he shout at me? I see him around school enough.
I am annoyed. DH is seething.
AIBU to want to complain? How do I address this?
Apart from get the sweatbands this weekend obviously.

OP posts:
MidniteScribbler · 05/10/2013 23:35

that she is sorting out the hair back situation this weekend.

Why hasn't she sorted it out in the last four weeks? Every supermarket sells packs of hair elastics. Even petrol stations usually have a pack or two in the personal sections. It's a two second task that would have saved all this angst.

curlew · 05/10/2013 23:36

I think a 7 year old should be able to understand that this was an exaggerated threat for effect. And if he didn't, he should once it was explained to him. I think complaining about it would make you look lik a loon.

Give your son a packet of hair elastics to keep in his tray. Or tie it back on PE days. Sorted.

And ignore the anti long hair on boys lot.

paperclipsarebetterthanstaples · 05/10/2013 23:37

I KNOW that 7 year olds are different. I also know that the groundwork for being prepared, taking responsibility and sticking to rules should start as early as possible.

stottie · 05/10/2013 23:41

Teacher is out of line l would be very upset if it was my son.

kim147 · 05/10/2013 23:41

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curlew · 05/10/2013 23:47

DS's year 3 teacher said that if he didn't stop chatting he would put him in the bin. H didn't - and he did. He's in year 8 now and he and his friends still talk about how awesome Mr P was.......

Mumsyblouse · 05/10/2013 23:48

My 7 year old (and my 9 year old) massively over-egg the injustice of any telling off or remonstration or even a remark about the quality of their work, feeling it to be very unjust and unfair as 'everybody was talking' 'X had their hair down too'. I know the teachers and they are as mild and lovely as possible, and certainly don't get nasty, so when these tales of injustice of emerge, especially when there is clearly some guilt on the child's part (they were talking, they did forget it was PE day, they hadn't written that much), I am naturally very sceptical.

The little boy probably felt bad, so it's easier to tell a tale of a 'mad teacher' and the threat. Perhaps he felt genuinely threatened but far more likely, he deflected the blame away from himself. He probably did feel hard done by.

kim147 · 05/10/2013 23:49

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SayMyNameSayIt · 05/10/2013 23:50

kim147

I'm a teacher. I deal with this kind of stuff day in, day out. If you are too, then you will know how wearing and wasteful of time it is. Last week, it was at least 40 mins before my maths class were able to get started because of 2 boys who hadn't done/brought their homework.

Cue a search of their bags and trays (by them, not me), lengthy lies explanations as to why they hadn't done it, sending down to the auxiliary to get more copies made, going over it again to make sure they knew what they had to do.
Which they would have known if they'd listened in the first place. Like the other children. Who were thoroughly fed up at not starting something new and having to wait while I dealt with this recurring problem.

Cos I wasn't letting them off with it again. Unfair on the other pupils who had done it. Whose parents had made sure they'd done it.

So in that instance, I might have said, I'll keep you in every day at interval until you complete it. And I did. They were given the option of catching up at home or staying in and doing it. They caught up at home.

YouTheCat · 05/10/2013 23:51

But that was a teacher with an obviously good rapport with his class. It makes all the difference.

I'm a first aider at school and regularly ask the children if they'd like a plaster or should I just chop it off? They know I am joking and it usually stops their tears and brings on a smile. I don't say this to all the kids because I don't know all of them as well. It's a judgement I have to make. I know a year 3-6 is going to giggle, a year 1/2 might take me literally.

I don't think the PE teacher knows the class that well by the sounds of it.

kim147 · 05/10/2013 23:53

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

paperclipsarebetterthanstaples · 05/10/2013 23:55

Oh i miss the times where people could have a laugh and a joke...

I was a chatty child. My teacher threatened to cut my tongue out... I told my mum and she told me off for being chatty. YEARS later i did my 2 week teaching experience placement with that teacher - she offered me her tongue cutting scissors! Banter is a good life skill to learn.

Mumsyblouse · 05/10/2013 23:56

So- in the worst case scenario, a minor misjudgement made by the teacher, so why on earth would the parents then encourage the thing further and all indignant when they were so clearly in the wrong? The DH who was also indignant- did he go and buy some hair bands immediately and make sure that his son knew how to use them?

Sometimes in life you just have to hold your hands up, this applies to adults and is a lesson children also need to learn, especially in a pretty benign context such as this.

kim147 · 05/10/2013 23:56

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YouTheCat · 05/10/2013 23:57

Paper, there's the difference though. A teacher with a good rapport can say these things and the class will laugh and it's all in good fun.

Tbh, I've never met a PE teacher with that kind of rapport. I hated PE and realise this might taint my view slightly.

SayMyNameSayIt · 05/10/2013 23:58

I'm sorry, I don't think I answered your question about what the teacher said. (Tired now, long day with my DS(.

Perhaps it wasn't the most appropriate thing to say, but as I said way up thread, the teacher may have been at the end of his tether and quite exasperated. Equally, it could have been said jokingly.

Either way, the OP should make sure her DS is properly equipped. Or lift the phone herself when she realises her mistake. Or send in a note of apology. That's what I do if I realise I have inadvertently forgotten something important. But I don't forget several times in a row. Once or twice at the very most. And then I would be extremely apologetic.

And if someone said this to my DS??? I'd say, get over yourself. And let's make sure you're ready the next time.

kim147 · 06/10/2013 00:00

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SayMyNameSayIt · 06/10/2013 00:02

kim147

When exactly was I supposed to deal with it???? In MY lunch break??? Or MY interval??? After school, when the children leave directly and get buses etc????

As it happened, I gave the others revision work which a previous assessment showed that they needed, but I wasn't going to just let it go again. The other pupils were very disgruntled to learn that this pair had not been doing homework and they had!

kim147 · 06/10/2013 00:05

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mumsyblouse · 06/10/2013 00:05

But Kim- in your example, which sounds very understandable, wouldn't it have been better if the two parents that complained had just taken your frustrated comment as just that and realised you are human? What was gained by putting you through that, if you were (are?) an otherwise good teacher?

I hate any kind of bullying or aggressiveness in teachers, but unless there were reason to think the OP's description is part of something greater, I would chalk it up to a bad experience for my child but one they could learn from, if only that people do make non-literal jokes and that everyone in the family needs to work together to avoid breaking school rules.

YellowTulips · 06/10/2013 00:06

If the boy wants long hair that's fine as long as it doesn't contravene the school dress code.

But the OP needs to teach him that that decision comes with the responsibility of not losing sweatbands so it can be appropriately tied back for PE.

I think the focus on what strikes me as a frustrated comment by a teacher that clearly wasn't going to be carried out is misplaced.

This isn't about the teacher, it's about the OP's misplaced outrage that her son at 7 should actually be capable of maintaining and not losing his PE kit....Biscuit for the OP.

SayMyNameSayIt · 06/10/2013 00:07

Yesterday, the aforesaid pair were first ready with their homework out. I praised them, gave them points for their chart, and when the HT and DHT popped in for something, I highlighted how pleased I was and they were equally delighted.

kim147 · 06/10/2013 00:10

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SayMyNameSayIt · 06/10/2013 00:14

What happens in primary???? I should spend my interval or lunchbreak sorting out kids who haven't done homework etc??????

Been there, done that.
Now??? Nope. I need my break in order to be physically and mentally ready for next lesson. That sometimes means I'm getting resources/photocopying etc

Yes, I've had complaints before. We all have. I'd NEVER write a letter of apology unless I actually wanted to. I've offered to say it, with the proviso that I didn't mean a word of it and was only doing it to keep the peace.

In writing?? Never.

YouTheCat · 06/10/2013 00:17

Saymy, did you praise all the other's who regularly do their homework? Did they get points?