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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Just need a few other opinions on teachers' comment to boy...

331 replies

LadyOfTheFlowers · 04/10/2013 17:45

DS2 has long hair. About 3 inches below his collar, shorter towards front - can tuck behind his ears.
For PE it was requested he had a sweatband. I bought 2 he lost them, I forgot about it over summer.
PE has resumed and the PE teacher got mad, telling him 'If you don't have a sweatband next lesson I will cut your hair off!'
Now the boy is 7 and truly believes his mad PE teacher might chop his hair off.
It is my fault he doesn't have a sweatband. Why didn't he shout at me? I see him around school enough.
I am annoyed. DH is seething.
AIBU to want to complain? How do I address this?
Apart from get the sweatbands this weekend obviously.

OP posts:
SayMyNameSayIt · 05/10/2013 19:22

*Opalite
I genuinely don't think I want to conform to gender stereotypes. I just don't want my boys looking like girls. Boys and girls are different. IMO they should look different.

I have no problem with girls wearing jeans etc, I certainly don't think they should all be in dresses etc. Whatever suits them.

But if I had a girl, I wouldn't want her to look like a boy. And I don't want my boys looking like girls. In any way at all. I wouldn't let them wear a pink top or shirt, even though it seems quite trendy just now. To me, pink is a girl's colour. They wouldn't wear it anyway, and would say it was a girl's colour.

Even though I've never made any comment about such things to them, or in their hearing. In fact, I've asked them why they say that and they say, "It just is a girl's colour."

maddymoo25 · 05/10/2013 19:29

I think again.. leave hairbands with teacher.

Ihatespiders · 05/10/2013 19:34

In my class, anyone with hair long enough to tie up MUST have it tied up for PE. A sweatband is not adequate. Anyone with long hair not tied up is offered one of my supply of spare bobbles or they do not do PE. My supply of spares are vile lurid neon colours to encourage remembering of proper kit.

Gender does not come into it.

SayMyNameSayIt · 05/10/2013 20:01

usualsuspect

That's my opinion. I'm not asking anyone to agree with me. Stupid to say "your opinion is stupid ".

We are all entitled to our own opinion. The OP can have her DS's hair any way she likes. Doesn't alter the fact that I think long hair on boys is stupid. I didn't say SHE was stupid. She is entitled to her opinion too re her son's hair.

SayMyNameSayIt · 05/10/2013 20:10

usualsuspect
I'm sorry , I just saw your post where you said IMO.

Perfectly entitled to your opinion.

kim147 · 05/10/2013 21:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SayMyNameSayIt · 05/10/2013 21:16

Girls can have hair as long as short as they like, but I don't like it so short that they look like boys.

I don't have a particular length in mind, but if it'song enough to tuck behind a boy's ears, it's took long. Anything girly-looking, in fact.

I don't like very short haircuts on boys, I call that the nit haircut i.e. cut so short cos they got nits, and practically shaving it makes it harder for nits to take hold.

What's wrong with boys looking like boys and girls looking like girls? Or should we all be androgynous??? Do away with the sexes altogether.

SayMyNameSayIt · 05/10/2013 21:16

Typos
If it's long enough
It's too long

quoteunquote · 05/10/2013 21:27

So many of the boys at my son's school have long hair, it's quite the norm,

Has there been a time slip into the 50s? really odd attitudes.

As for telling a child you are going to cut their hair off, just pathetic, get the head to send him on an equalities course.

Imagine forcing girls to have long hair, how you wear hair should be an individuals choice,

How gender could be relevant is beyond me, unless someone worried about a penis getting caught in the hair which is bonkers.

SayMyNameSayIt · 05/10/2013 21:45

Boys and girls can wear their hair as they like. However, others are entitled to have an opinion about it. As they are entitled to have an opinion about anything. It's called free speech.

I don't, however, go about saying or telling boys who have long hair that I think it looks stupid. I share that with my DHkeep that thought to myself. Though I reserve the right to express it on an online forum.

SayMyNameSayIt · 05/10/2013 21:46

That strike through didn't work! Must be my 'phone!

kim147 · 05/10/2013 21:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nickelbabe · 05/10/2013 21:58

I have to say, I'm fucking furious at all the posters saying "cut his hair" and "I get it's not his choice to have long hair"

bors can and choose to gave long hair.
you would never say about a girl "cut her hair" you would say "she should have it tied/clipped back for school/pe/woodwork"

so, that is the only correct and not sexist comment that is appropriate.

the boy shoud have his hair tied back in a bobble and any short bits clipped with a clip.
at 7, he is old enough to learn how to do this for himself.

fifi669 · 05/10/2013 22:02

saymyname you missed the space at the end....

NonnoMum · 05/10/2013 22:06

Actually I would say to a girl, cut your hair.

I wish both boys and girls would stop all this flouncy hair nonsense.

It might end the nit problem... (bitter experience emoticon).

NonnoMum · 05/10/2013 22:07

By asking both boys and girls to cut their hair, I am not being sexist.

Just sensible communist.

SayMyNameSayIt · 05/10/2013 22:14

kim147

I understand what you mean, but I have to disagree. I grew up in the 70's when longish hair was very common on boys. Maybe that's why I don't like it now, now that I think about it.

I just honestly don't like it. I suppose I do like quite "masculine" looking men, though I can think of some that I find really attractive although they don't seem typically masculine-looking to me. I'm thinking of Wentworth Miller in Prison Break, a fine specimen!

I also really liked Sawyer in Lost, Josh something , his surname evades me at the moment. He had quite long hair on Lost but conversely, I really liked him because he WAS very masculine.

That doesn't mean I think boys should be macho. Not at all. I encourage my 2 DS to be loving and affectionate and to cry if they want/need to. I never say oh be brave or don't cry. I pick them up and cuddle them, comfort them.

I teach them to express their feelings and I acknowledge their feelings, eg I will say, "you're feeling very frustrated and cross right now, aren't you?"

I've been told by their nursery and school teachers that they have a very extensive vocabulary, and understanding. My 5yr old will tell me about a bad dream, for example, and will say, "oh mummy, I was so anxious in my dream".

I don't believe in gender-stereotyping, I think boys particularly need to be encouraged to express their feelings and be able to talk. The rate of suicide among young men is very high. I'm very conscious of that and that's one of the reasons why I make sure my DS know how to express themselves, and to feel happy being cuddled and loved.

But I still don't like long hair on boys haha!!!!

SayMyNameSayIt · 05/10/2013 22:15

fifi669

With the strike through do you mean?

SayMyNameSayIt · 05/10/2013 22:16

I think I see it now! Thanks. Got to go and get my 2 into bed now! So I can sit down and drink wine relax.

SayMyNameSayIt · 05/10/2013 22:17

Ah! That worked! Thanks fifi669.

ravenAK · 05/10/2013 22:28

If I didn't like long hair on boys, I'd make a mental note to have short hair when next reincarnated as a boy.

I probably wouldn't go out with any longhaired men.

Or I might insist my ds had his hair short - although, actually, not even that, given it's not my bloody hair.

I think it's a bit much, however, for some posters to decide for all the boys in the world that they should get it cut...OP's ds likes his hair long. OP doesn't mind. This is all fine.

Having said that, ffs get down the pound shop & buy him a big pack of plain black hair bobbles, OP. PE teacher is perfectly within his/her rights to insist that all students tie hair back, & 7 is quite old enough to shove it into a bobble.

YouTheCat · 05/10/2013 22:31

I grew up in the 70s too and well remember my old Grannie saying 'Eee look at them. You can't tell if they're boys or girls these days' all whilst hoiking her substantial bosom. But she was born in 1901 and I'd expect her to have some outdated views.

Ilovemyself · 05/10/2013 22:32

Saymyname. How can you say you don't like gender stereotyping and then say you still don't like long hair on men. Doesn't make any sense

monstermissy · 05/10/2013 22:36

It's mothers like some on this thread that explain to me why my 11 yr old is being taunted in yr7 about having long hair. (It's just touching his shoulders). Maybe if people weren't so judgey their kids wouldn't be either. My ds loves his hair but why should he be made to feel shitty everyday just because some kid thinks he knows better! ( but that's a whole other thread for another time)

He never had to tie it up in primary either, although he knows he will have too if need be in high school. I would just tie it back on pe days.

jackstini · 05/10/2013 22:52

This post just brought back a horrible memory for me - a teacher did cut my hair when I was 7

It was falling in my eyes as my bobble had snapped. Teacher gave me an elastic band but I said my mum had told me not to use them as they rip your hair out.

So she cut a straight fringe across my one length hair Hmm

My mum went mental and it took forever to grow out

Over 30 years ago and I still shudder at the thought...

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