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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

About what my boss said?

122 replies

bouncingbelle · 03/10/2013 22:42

Came back to work on Monday following surgery. Today my boss asks to speak to me to say "she was very disappointed that I appeared to 'disengage' with my work once I had an operation date."

I got a date for my operation on a Thursday morning. On the Thursday afternoon I ended up in hospital miscarrying my (fertility treatment so even more special) baby. I was off work for three working days whilst miscarrying. I was only at work for four and a half days (including a half day I came in on a day I don't normally work to help boss out) before going off for surgery.

AIBU to be furious and upset at her comment?? I got all the work done I needed to do on those 4 days. How can she seriously expect me being 'disengaged' on the four days between a miscarriage and major surgery to be worthy of raising with me now??! What is the point??? It was 6 weeks ago! I'm over the surgery and back at work (a week earlier than expected) and most definately engaged. But I'm raging at her!!!!

Should I say something to her?

OP posts:

WhatchaMaCalllit · 08/10/2013 08:06

I was lurking I wanted to come on and wish you the best of luck today with your better union rep and with whatever HR has to say about the situation.

WireCat · 08/10/2013 08:10

Good luck today op x

Sorry for your loss x

Original poster

bouncingbelle · 08/10/2013 19:27

Aw thank you sayit, I appreciate every single good wish I,ve got on here. After a cardiac arrest at 15, a stroke at 31, and 6 bouts of surgery before the age of 34, surely something will go right fir me one day???

Today was good :) hr met with BB, then me. Basically said "what will it take to stop you taking this further?" BB admitted her remarks but claimed that I WAS 'disengaged'. I don't give a shit, I had reason too!! HR are having a meeting between us both and my union guy on Thursday morning, BRING.IT.ON!!!!!

I haven't even STARTED the annihilation of her for making my change my sick line yet. Put it to hr that it was one of the 3 things I wanted fully explained and apologised for but not made a huge deal of it - yet.

OP posts:

echt · 08/10/2013 19:58

Be careful that HR or the union for that matter, don't try and turn it into, oh well, fault on both sides, so let's shake hands and start again. BB has to say what evidence she had for your "disengagement". Once she's said what that is, if there IS any evidence, then you can deal with it. As you say, you did all the work you were meant to do, so in what way(s) did you fall short? Not smiling enough?

If her accusation is allowed to stand without proof, then she will have won.

Good luck with it all.

Featherbag · 08/10/2013 20:39

Please don't back down, you sound like exactly what's needed to stop the bitch doing this to someone else! You sound awesome, don't let her put you under any additional stress xx

JessicaLundge · 08/10/2013 22:02

Exactly exactly what echt says.

Good for you! You sound like you're made of stern stuff! x

Toffeepoppet · 08/10/2013 22:12

Your boss is a cock

Sorry I can add nothing more helpful.

Wishing you the bestest of luck with your next round of ivf.

Toffeepoppet · 08/10/2013 22:15

Love your fighting spirit!

Heartbrokenmum73 · 08/10/2013 22:15

What is wrong with some people?

My ex Manager (also a bitch - how do they get up that ladder?) behaved badly when our administrator was off after a mc. She (BB) kept saying she wanted to ring the admin at home to see how long she was going to be off for! I told her she couldn't do that and to let HR deal with it, if need be. She didn't listen...

She also had to sign me off for a morning in court (which I didn't want her to know about, but I had to have her signature) and when I got into work at lunchtime she asked, in front of three of my colleagues, 'how did you get on in court this morning?', knowing full well I'd told no one about it. Breach of confidentiality, surely?

Not to mention how she physically locked all of our thank you chocolates/biscuits/wine from the students in the filing cabinet and took the key home with her, doling out handfuls to us here and there, then gave them to her friends and family for Christmas!!!

What.a.cow.

I feel better for that rant!

Original poster

bouncingbelle · 09/10/2013 22:24

At least I know my BB isn't the only one- but how on earth do these people get away with it??! Getting a bit nervous about the meeting tomorrow but going to try v hard just to stick to the 3 key issues, I just know what she's like in these kind of meetings.... It's not really her forte...tends to lose the plot a bit, am hoping she will do the same tomorrow.

Why am I the one nervous???! She's the one who,s done wrong!!!!

OP posts:

Purplefrogshoe · 09/10/2013 23:39

Good luck tomorrow bouncing, I'm sure you will do fine, I bet she is really worrying

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved · 10/10/2013 00:03

Good luck bouncing, what an unpleasant woman. Just nasty NasTy nasty.

And sweetheart, you are a mummy and you had a 'real' baby, that post broke my heart

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved · 10/10/2013 00:12

Oh and also... My HR director (private small company you ll be unsurprised to hear) tried to force me to resign or take absence of leave without pay the week I got told I had a disease which would very quickly make me severely disabled and I may die. The CEO also hauled me into a room to have a go at me for not being supportive enough to a junior and told me 'yes I know you're sick but I have to think of others and if you're not capable if doing your job then you have to go.'

Because I'd had over two weeks off sick that year - non consequerively, whilst still meeting all targets (it was July)

She also tries to tell me I was just tired and nothing was wrong with me... I sent an email to all directors with a description of my diagnosis so they knew what was wrong, instead of the blackening name crap that was happening, then consulted a lawyer. Apparently you can't fire someone for being disabled :)

But point of that, my heart goes out to you, at the lowest moment in your life, when you need kindness & humanity... Some people decide to show just how nasty they are. Yuck.

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 10/10/2013 00:44

Don't have anything more to add, other than good luck. When I had my msc my boss couldn't be in the office when I went back to work, but when I arrived she had left a lovely note (and piece of cake) in my office telling me to be kind to myself and to go home or take a break if I felt I needed it at any point. Your boss is a knob.

stowsettler · 10/10/2013 09:14

Good luck today bouncing. Do not be deflected from your three issues. Do not try to defend yourself against being 'disengaged' - ask for examples and proof of your disengagement. Then ask why they cannot be explained by the very natural grief you were feeling. I would seriously doubt if she can.
Oh and by the way - she's probably crapping herself. She should be anyway.

Retroformica · 10/10/2013 10:43

I would talk to her superior. What she said is not appropriate.

Mmmbacon · 10/10/2013 18:57

How did today go?

WhatchaMaCalllit · 11/10/2013 10:24

How did you get on yesterday?

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved · 11/10/2013 21:19

I hope it went ok

Original poster

bouncingbelle · 11/10/2013 21:43

It went awful. She lied and lied and lied. I had to leave the room to cry when she talked about the day I found out I was pregnant and remembering being so happy. Management closed ranks basically. I'm gutted, I have no choice but no leave.

OP posts:

PrincessFlirtyPants · 11/10/2013 22:10

Oh, bouncing that's awful.

How did she justify herself? Was the union rep not very good?

You should not feel pushed out of your job!

JessicaLundge · 11/10/2013 22:13

Oh no! What did she say?

Purplefrogshoe · 11/10/2013 22:49

What a bitch!! Was the union rep no help?

echt · 11/10/2013 22:56

Did BB say she never criticised your work? What did she lie about?

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved · 12/10/2013 02:07

Oh no :(

Was HR / union no use?

How was it left? Did anyone accept that what she said was wrong?

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