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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

More of a Would I BU to mention this to the teacher?

40 replies

SleepyFish · 02/10/2013 11:09

Ds is in P1 and the drop off/pick up routines are as follows:
At drop off all children have to line up and wait for their teacher to come out and usher them in (there are 4 classes).
Parents have on several occassions been told (in person and writing) that they must stand well back and not 'queue up' with the children or approach the teachers (school rules are you have to make an appointment if you want to speak to the teacher, fair enough imo). I should add these rules are in place mainly because of one particularly confrontational family at the school.

At Pick up each child comes out individually and has to point out their carer to the teacher before they are 'let go'.

However there are a handful of parents who clearly believe these rules do not apply to them and accost the teachers at drop off/pick up every single day. My problem with this is at drop off the children are left standing waiting whilst the teacher chats to these parents, and parents who are trying to get off to work are left standing waiting to see their child gets into school safely making them me late for work.

At pick up these parents again go straight up to the door and start chatting to the teachers and children are either left standing whilst the teacher is distracted or sneek past whilst the teacher's back is turned and i've seen many slip past unnoticed meaning the teacher isn't aware of who they are going to, if anyone.

So tomorrow i have my first parent/teacher consultation and my question is WIBU to raise this issue with her tomorrow or are there other procedures i should follow? This whole school thing is new to me and for some reason this issue is really getting my back up, irrationally or otherwise.

OP posts:
SavoyCabbage · 02/10/2013 11:17

I wouldn't as I llike to fly under the radar until I have a big problem.

It sounds like a lot of rules.

Bramshott · 02/10/2013 11:20

I would mention it, but remember that you can't complain about other parents or their behaviour, only how the situation is impacting you and your child.

So YWNBU to say "Is there any way to drop off quicker in the morning because I'm being late for work at present", but YWBU unreasonable to say "please stop Jimmy's parents talking and holding up the line".

quoteunquote · 02/10/2013 11:24

Is it a prison or a school?

I would find a new place to leave your child, somewhere normal.

WilsonFrickett · 02/10/2013 11:27

TBH I think the rule about not approaching teachers is a bit daft. I agree the line isn't a place for a big discussion, but to not be able to say 'Just to remind you I'm picking Jimmy up at noon today for the dentist' or 'Just to let you know Jimmy's hamster died last night and he's a bit teary' seems a bit silly.

In terms of raising it, well it's not the teacher's fault parents break daft rules, is it? They can hardly them and say 'please make an appointment to tell me about Jimmy's hamster'.

SaucyJack · 02/10/2013 11:27

I think the problem is the school having such a stupidly fascistic rule in the first place, not the parents who just want to mention something quickly at drop-off time.

WilsonFrickett · 02/10/2013 11:28

Also as it's your first parent consultation - you do only get 10 minutes, there is loads to talk about and if you waste your time talking about the line you won't have time to talk about your DC. I mean that kindly, it flies in, the teacher is clockwatching, it's not the place really.

Original poster
SleepyFish · 02/10/2013 11:30

There are a lot of rules but tbh i can see the point of them. If every parent decided to have a little chat with the teachers every morning lessons would be delayed plus we're talking about 4/5 year olds so there are safeguarding issues and they have to be sure that there is someone there to collect them before letting them out. The standing back thing is to give the children space and encourage independence i guess.
There is a new head teacher and she is the one who introduced all these rules (she came from a school where there were a lot of confrontational parents apparently).
I just wasn't sure whether to speak to the teacher or someone else at the school.

OP posts:
tablefor4 · 02/10/2013 11:34

I'm new to this school lark too, but is this something that the PTA could raise? If lots of parents find the system unwieldy or making lots of people late then it could be addressed generally.

Original poster
SleepyFish · 02/10/2013 11:35

I should say i have no problem with a one-off 'toby is being picked up early today' or suchlike but it's the same handful of parents everyday, this morning one of them got the homework book out and started discussing it, i mean we are all having consultations this week to discuss such things. Point taken about the 10 minute consults, might be better expressing my concerns in a letter or something then.

OP posts:
Original poster
SleepyFish · 02/10/2013 11:36

tablefor4 I was wondering about the PTA, i'm not really sure what their role is. I'm certainly not the only one getting wound up by this.

OP posts:
SavoyCabbage · 02/10/2013 11:38

We are allowed to talk to the teacher whenever we want but people don't stop them for chats and the lessons start on time. You would just walk along with them or go in the classroom while the children were getting organised.

At our school, we just treat the teachers like normal people and they do the same to us.

At home time the children are let out and they go back to their classroom or the office. There is also a teacher on duty outside.

Original poster
SleepyFish · 02/10/2013 11:45

Parents are not allowed inside the school. It's all done outside. Like i said this is mainly down to the behaviour of one particular family, the head has even had the mother escorted out of the school by the police and one of their children regularly tries to escape, hence all doors are kept closed except at pick up/drop off when there are teachers at the doors.
I'm making it sound awful but it is actually a lovely school and i'm perfectly happy with how ds is doing, except for the quite frankly ridiculous amount of homework he's getting!

OP posts:
DoItTooJulia · 02/10/2013 11:49

I'd raise it for sure. Why not? It doesn't have to be done in a confrontational way.

broccolirocks · 02/10/2013 12:00

Sleepy, our school regularly sends out emails reminding parents not to cluster near doors or narrow walkways at home time, could you mention it to a school srcretary? Your school sounds quite strict, but could you leave as soon as the children get in line and the teacher comes out to collect them?

FreakinRexManningDay · 02/10/2013 12:14

Are you a parent at my kids school? We have the same rules here and without fail the same parents hold up the teacher discussing things every morning. All other classes are gone in and the parent is still yakking. You can almost see the teacher rolling her eyes as they come up to her.

choceyes · 02/10/2013 12:15

That does sound tricky if you have to dash off to work. Are you talking about reception children?
My DS just started reception and at his school, the first 15mins parents can hang around in the class room with kids, and this is an opportunity to talk with the teacher too. At 9.15 the teacher asks the children to go to their carpets and the parents leave. I think it is quite a good system. I work 4 days a week, so I have to put DS in breakfast club 4 days a week, but on Friday I have a small chat with his teacher and play with DS in the classroom (where he can show me all the things they have been doing that week) before I leave.
It also avoids the delay at pick up if parents what to chat to the teacher, as they've already had an opportunity in the morning.

Can you get there a bit early so that your DS is at the front of the queue?

Original poster
SleepyFish · 02/10/2013 12:19

It would be feasible to leave once the teacher comes out but i do like to make sure he actually goes into the school (pfb) and he looks for me to give a little wave on his way in. What puts me off leaving then is the teacher being distracted and not noticing if ds decided to wander off (unlikely as this is, he's very much a rule follower). Was thinking maybe the school Secretary might be the person to speak to.
I just don't understand why the teachers indulge/engage with these parents instead of asking them to wait until all the children are in/out safely.

OP posts:
LemonBreeland · 02/10/2013 12:22

I would raise it, but not with the class teacher. Raise it with the Head.

I don't think the rules are unusual, lots of schools have similar rules, including the one my DC go to. A friend of mine is a teacher and they don't go outside to collect their classes, the TAs do it so the teachers can't be hassled.

The HT needs to remind parents of the rules. Some parents seem to need to speak to the teacher constantly. I always wonder what the hell they can have to say every day. Probably nothing of any great importance.

claraschu · 02/10/2013 12:25

I would choose to talk to the teacher about the excessive homework. If you are late to work, see if your child could get used to you leaving right when he joins the line. He might not mind-

At pickup time, maybe you can just duck your head around the offending parent and grab your child if you are sick of hanging around. You could mention to the teacher that leaving promptly is essential because of x, y, or z.

In other words, why not as someone already said, just "duck under the radar"; it's always difficult to change other people's behaviour, and usually not worth the effort.

Original poster
SleepyFish · 02/10/2013 12:26

I usually am there early choceyes but the classes are let in one line at a time and for some reason ds's class always seems to be the last in/last out which is also annoying at pick up as ds gets panicky if all his friends go up the road without him.
No reception here in Scotland. School nursery then straight to P1.

OP posts:
claraschu · 02/10/2013 12:27

choceyes, your school sounds lovely.

ICameOnTheJitney · 02/10/2013 12:29

I think it's bad if a parent can't just say a quick "DD has forgotten her blah de blah and she's a bit upset but I'll bring it in shortly" or "DD is a bit off colour....can you keep an eye on her?"

Kind of thing...I rarely need to say things to the teacher in the morning bu now and then I do...probs once a term...I wouldn't let the school dictate that to me!

moldingsunbeams · 02/10/2013 12:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
SleepyFish · 02/10/2013 12:37

Parents can just say a quick ds is a bit under the weather or whatever. I myself very quickly mentioned that ds had been unwell with croup at the weekend and handed her a list of emergency contact numbers the other day. Whole conversation lasted about 10 seconds. That's not the problem it's a select few who want to have a 10 minute discussion every single day, like theirs is the only child at the school. The school keep issuing generic letters when imo it's these particular parents they need to address.

OP posts:
RevelsRoulette · 02/10/2013 12:40

what about saying "would it be possible to change the routine so that children whose parents don't want to talk to the teacher can go and only when all other children have been dealt with, can the teacher talk to the waiting parents, because currently .

That way, they can either say ok yes, I can suggest that and see what happens, or they can say parents aren't supposed to talk to the teachers without an appointment, at which point you can say oh? but they are doing, every day and it's making others late/ meaning that teachers aren't looking to see who other children are going to.

Suggest that making parents hang on for a minute is far better than allowing them to delay others or making everyone make an appt for each and every little thing.