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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder where the fuck the 'fathers' were?

12 replies

SlowlyGoingRoundTheBend · 01/10/2013 21:00

Just reading about the Amanda Hutton trial and my blood is boiling. That poor, poor little boy. His brothers (adults) did not wonder where he was either, wtf is that about?

Amanda Hutton

Same with the Daniel Pelka case and several others recently. Where the actual fuck were the fathers? How could they have no contact with their DCs and have no interest in what was happening to them?

Disclaimer - I am currently working through 'getting over' my father's abandonment of me as a child (left with an abusive mother and stepfather) and am probably a little bit raw!

OP posts:
WeAreSix · 01/10/2013 21:05

In previous reports it is apparently documented that members of the little Hutton boy had expressed concern.

Daniel's father was not in the UK, I think (not 100% sure)

Try not to get too drawn in to the tabloid reporting of these cases - it is done in such a way to provoke strong reaction.

HeySoulSister · 01/10/2013 21:05

Well the 'mothers' most likely alienated the fathers through contact blocking/moving away...

Meglet · 01/10/2013 21:11

XP went almost 5yrs ago and hasn't seen the dc's since. It's not that unusual for a parent to leave and never look back. Seeing as he threatened to kill us I have no intention of ever contacting him again.

I'm not sure he actually did much parenting when he was here anyway, the pub and his mates were more important.

SirChenjin · 01/10/2013 21:13

The fathers were probably AWOL, but why the hell the adult brothers didn't do more I'm not sure. Awful case Sad

Farahilda · 01/10/2013 21:14

Pelka's father was in Poland.

deepfriedsage · 01/10/2013 21:15

Sadly if a Father doesn't want contact he can't be made to see his child.

meditrina · 01/10/2013 21:25

You might like to have a look at this AIBU about where we're the fathers.

Original poster
SlowlyGoingRoundTheBend · 01/10/2013 21:49

Thank you meditrina. That thread has summed it up much more eloquently that I did.

OP posts:
handcream · 03/10/2013 17:08

There are far too many of these cases, often with a single parent with a father no where to be seen.

Those poor children.

We can wring our hands and say she wasnt 'supported etc, we can blame SS's, the police etc and the fact she is a drunk but where is the stable family with TWO parents gone....

MaxPepsi · 03/10/2013 17:29

Sadly if a Father doesn't want contact he can't be made to see his child.

Equally sadly, if a mother puts up so many obstacles to exclude the father, they get no chance to see their kids.

Arealmanithink · 03/10/2013 18:13

Wonder if there have ever been any mothers that do the same thing? Hmm . Not justifying it, it's horrible. But it's not just dads..

NotYoMomma · 03/10/2013 18:33

the adukt brothers might have gone NC or been neglectedor abused themselves though?

the fault is with this vile 'mother' who neglected and starved a 4 year old baby and put her relationship with alcohol above her poor children

we dont kniw anything about her other kids to be able to demand answers from them

she might have lied that he had been taken into care (I believe ss were involved 3 times)

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