To be somewhat surprised by this attitude to breastfeeding?

[Sarah2506]

So we are out walking in the Lake District. We planned a walk so that we would get to a village with a tea room around the time baby would need a feed. Which we did, just as it started to rain. The tearoom was closed for refurbishment. This wasn't on its web page. There was a shop there which sold tea and coffee staffed by a young woman. I asked for two teas and asked about feeding the baby. There was a chair in the corner. I asked if I could use it as it was raining. She said no. I asked where I could sit and she told me there was a bench outside and that I could feed her there. I politely pointed out that it was raining and she told me that 'I couldn't do that sort of thing in here'.

This really upset me but I didn't say anything. It luckily stopped raining so I did go outside. I have been thinking of indigent replies the rest of the day.

AIBU? Was it out of order for me to ask to use the chair? I don't want to sound all entitled and I wouldn't exactly ask to use a chair in the corner of tesco but this just felt different and not an unreasonable request as their website hadn't been updated.

I recently in John Lewis in the clarks concession had someone try to move me, you perfect the blank look and don't react. Dialogue such as:

Assistant: Oh, um, there are feeding rooms for that
Me: Thank you for telling me
A: They are provided for feeding babies in
M: I will note that, it could be useful in the future
A: Here it's for buying shoes
M: Oh good, can you measure his feet . Thanks.
A: do you want to come back?
M: No thank you
A: you could come back after you've feed the baby
M: He likes the dinosaur shoes
A: Um, um...
M: The blue ones. Thank you
A: Well some of our customers...
M: Oh yes the queue is building, we best get through this quickly.

Really. Thick. Skin.
(if you're really interested we were well covered and I doubt others noticed. Inflicting a bored whining three yr old on mothers trying to feed babies to sleep in the feeding room was more unreasonable in my book!)

I cannot link I my phone.

The Equality Act, included the rights of a woman who is breast feeding.

It is illegal to prevent someone from breast feeding anywhere, except single men organisations, in some circumstances.

If a bottle feeding woman, or any other person would if been offered the chair, then the shop has broken the law.

The OP shouldn't have been directed outside and the statement "that sort of thing in here" is breaking the law.

The shop doesn't have to provide a seat to BF, but any decent person would and the press would live the story, if the chair remained empty and the OP had to stand to feed (which I have done many times).

I would leave a comment on Trip Advisor and if you can find out the owner, email them. The staff are not uptown date with the law.

I read it as the chair was not for customers to sit on. I may have got it wrong though...

I agree with everyone who said not to ask in future. I used to just sit down and feed my DCs wherever and no one really seemed to notice or care.
I think asking invites opinion where as just doing it doesn't.

I've been offered a glass of water by lots of people in places not serving drinks officially when I've been BFing my DD. How old is your baby by the way? The older your baby gets the more bolshy you get about getting your baps out wherever and not asking permission. When DD was very young I went to a staff area of a shop to feed as they offered and I was nervous still. Some shops can be helpful! Behaviour like this does make BFing mothers nervous though. I know I was to start with like 'what if she cries for food when we're out where will I feed her?' Now it's more predictable (7 months) but to start with I always sought out 'safe places' like nappy shops, shopping centres and supermarkets. But it's a shame anyone experiences this. I fed DD at a posh lunch a while back and was nervous about feeding her at the table with lots of men I didn't know. Turns out the man next to me's wife was a breastfeeding champion so we had a good old chat about it! Surprised it was a woman who was so aghast. But because you can't tell who'll be funny about it it does make you nervous. Shame really.

BerryGood brilliant!!

"Love" not "live".

I wonder if a pregnant woman ( or anyone else) had if felt faint, would they ace been directed to the bench in the rain, because the chair isn't for customer use?

Ha Berry - you just reminded me of when I BFed in front of our estate agent with the words "it honestly will be less distracting"

I hadn't counted on him then staring open mouthed at my chest area for the rest of our conversation.

"Comandeer random chairs"

Wow.

A little shop in the middle of the lakes and some think its OK to ban people from sitting on a chair?! What hospitality! NO wonder people think going on hols in the UK it shit.

Imagine some Italians or Spaniards being behind op, seeing an empty fucking chair and being told to get outside in the rain to feed her BABY!

Welcome to the UK!

Worrel of course its not ideal to sit on the floor but if they banned her from using the chair she had no other option and down she should go.

Berry

John Lewis are shit hot on these types of things, if you had gone to a manager I bet you would have left laden with baby goodies.....

Why even bother to have the convo> I would just say:

" I hope your not implying here that I should move because that's against the law, can you clarify your meaning or get your manager please. !

Four months. The newsagent analogy is about right. One of those type of set ups.

I'm normally quite bolshy myself but you know when you are just totally thrown?!

Saying that last week I took a bottle of expressed milk to the mortgage advisors office as I just did not fancy feeding in front of him in a small office. He's pretty creepy!

They are good, hence the baby rooms. Which would be great except for the fact they are a tiny tiled cell with a speaker in the ceiling. Just as dc nod off a voice will startle you all booming' TODAY ON OFFER IN STORE...' They mean well though, it's all clean and spacious with a variety of chairs.
I just don't have time to debate it with up to 4 dc out with me at anyone time and tend to just shut people down and carry on. I had the conversation as I wanted shoes, and her to get them! Before ds3 melted down completely.

berry, I had a similar experience in a French supermarket. Fortunately, was adept enough and confident enough to just stay where I was. Had I been in the early days of feeding, it might have really shaken me.
Where is this place in the Lakes?

Just to add the general outrage I got asked if I wanted to feed in a side room at our HOSPITAL the other week - I was sat directly opposite the Breastfeeding Welcome sign and the person who asked me? A paediatric nurse!!!!!!

It beggars belief. However she didn't mean it nastily - it was more ignorance in her belief it'd make me feel more comfortable than sitting in the (empty!) children's A&E waiting area.

It just needs to be more normalised. I was heartened though yesterday to see another woman feeding on a park bench, so it's not all bad.

Berry, u shd complain to jl. Feeding rooms are optional not obligatory. Ime good for first time mums with newbrns who appreciate privacy but not in yr situation.

Milkhell, the ONLY place where I don't breastfeed in the children's waiting area of our hospital peadiatrics outpatients . Yes the signs are up but the combination of such tightly packed chairs all facing each other, the squeezing past each other and chair arms make it impossible to be discrete or shield from view at all. I'm pretty confident, but there it feels too intrusive to have a boob out under one person's nose, elbows in another whilst dd fusses on and off in an awful position. The nurses tend to look a bit horrified too.

I tthink it is a bit unreasonable to expect shops to provide seating for any sort of baby feeding.

Can you just hold him and feed him? I found 4 months a great age for this as they were not too heavy but had better head control than a newborn.

The only time I got banished to a seat in a draughty foyer to BF was the only time I actually asked beforehand. Lesson learned!

Bit unreasonable to expect shops to provide seating, but where there is seating available it's petty and unreasonable for shop staff to refuse to let mothers with feeding babies sit down.

It was only us in there. Staff hurrying in the corridor but that's it. She was being nice but I wouldn't have been feeding if I didn't feel comfortable IYSWIM?

The seat was on the shop floor in a customer accessible area with nobody sat in it.

If any other customer would have been allowed to sit in it for any other reason then its an issue

Exactly Pixel. I mean it's just common sense isn't it? We were on a very tightly packed table for Sunday dinner a few months back and it just would have felt weird for me to feed DD so bunched up and basically touching noses over the table with my dad :-/ it was an old country pub so in that case I went to the loo. No not ideal but that's where I felt more comfy. However I'm sure there are many who would have felt fine feeding in the same situation.

It was illegal for her to refuse you a service in any public premises (including all shops).
See:
www.maternityaction.org.uk/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderfiles/breastfeedingpublicplace.pdf

(Those saying that the chair wasn't for public use - doesn't make any difference. The onus is on them to prove they are not discriminating. So legally to claim they were not discriminating against you they would have to show that either (a) the chair was not in a "public" area - rather difficult if just out of the way/behind a counter, the law does not define "public" as "where a shopkeeper would prefer you did not step". And/or (b) that the chair had never and would never be offered to any other member if the public under any other circumstances - equally difficult to prove.)

I don't think it is unreasonable to refuse the use of a chair that was for staff use.

Where would you draw the line of chair use, if parents should be allowed to use tge chair to feed their baby ( bottle or breast) then surely parents with toddlers/older babies should be allowed to use tge chair to give their dc a snack. What about elderly people who need a rest before walking home, they should be allowed to use tge chair. What about people with disabilities who may want to use tge chair.

What you need to find is some sort of public place like achurch, library playgroup not a shop.

*"prefer you did/did not step" - sorry typing too fast

Sockreturningpixie is right, if the seat was on the shop floor and accessible by customers then it was illegal to refuse it to you.

froken the difference between your examples is that breastfeeding is now legally protected (as is disability) so whereas a shop owner with a publically accessible chair in shop premises is within his/her rights to refuse it to a toddler wanting a snack, they are not legally able to refuse it to a breastfeeding woman or a disabled person.