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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be somewhat surprised by this attitude to breastfeeding?

108 replies

Sarah2506 · 01/10/2013 19:32

So we are out walking in the Lake District. We planned a walk so that we would get to a village with a tea room around the time baby would need a feed. Which we did, just as it started to rain. The tearoom was closed for refurbishment. This wasn't on its web page. There was a shop there which sold tea and coffee staffed by a young woman. I asked for two teas and asked about feeding the baby. There was a chair in the corner. I asked if I could use it as it was raining. She said no. I asked where I could sit and she told me there was a bench outside and that I could feed her there. I politely pointed out that it was raining and she told me that 'I couldn't do that sort of thing in here'.

This really upset me but I didn't say anything. It luckily stopped raining so I did go outside. I have been thinking of indigent replies the rest of the day.

AIBU? Was it out of order for me to ask to use the chair? I don't want to sound all entitled and I wouldn't exactly ask to use a chair in the corner of tesco but this just felt different and not an unreasonable request as their website hadn't been updated.

OP posts:

PlumpkinPie · 01/10/2013 19:52

Legal or not I'd have been mortified to be told that I couldn't use the chair for "that sort of thing" - as if it was something shameful. Shame on that girl, please write to the owner/local newspaper to point out the error because it has to be an error - she reacted as though you wanted to use the chair for taking drugs or something equally unsavory rather than the simple, ancient art of feeding a baby!

Boobybeau · 01/10/2013 19:52

Also, when mothers bottle feed they never have to ask 'permission' to feed their babies so I don't understand why a breadtfeefing mother should?

Retroformica · 01/10/2013 19:54

You shouldn't have asked. Just fed baby on the chair. I would probably post something factual on trip adviser.

YoniBottsBumgina · 01/10/2013 19:54

Oh I see, if the chair wasn't obviously for customer use I can see why you asked.

She was still rude though.

PlumpkinPie · 01/10/2013 19:54

Women really are their own worst enemies sometimes.
Unfortunately yes, I agree that this is true ime

FavoriteThings · 01/10/2013 19:58

She was a young woman. I doubt she realised that she was breaking the law. When or if you go back to the tearoom, politely point out the problem.

IneedAsockamnesty · 01/10/2013 20:01

Was the chair accessible for customers or was it behind the counter?

lljkk · 01/10/2013 20:02

Name And Shame.

Original poster

Sarah2506 · 01/10/2013 21:05

It was next to the counter. It wasn't exactly for customer use but was somewhere that a customer could get to.

OP posts:

IamSlave · 01/10/2013 21:09

Goodness I can see a story evolving round......

The chair.......

Next time plonk yourself on it! Its an used chair! If someone says you cant sit there you say, I am very sorry, I am just feeding my baby, would you mind getting me another chair or is it ok to sit on your floor.

ElleBelly · 01/10/2013 21:17

Appalling. Good idea about posting on Tripadvisor. Makes me feel very sad that breast feeding has been marginalised in this way and ignorant prats feel able to behave like this. And I agree with others, I've never asked,no matter where I've been (shops, supermarkets, etc) just crack on. Might have had some dirty looks but couldn't give a shit. The only comments I've recieved have been positive ones, and in Asda last week as I fed DS in the cafe (I had bought DD a cake for a treat but nothing for me) the young girl behind the counter brought me a pint glass of water, completely out of the blue, which amazed me but was very kind of her.

Trifle · 01/10/2013 21:20

Surely you can't just commandeer random chairs. If it's a shop without facilities for customers to sit (my local sainsburys has aisles of food not chairs) then you can't be expected to monopolise items of furniture.

hettienne · 01/10/2013 21:27

If there's a random chair in a shop, why shouldn't you sit in it?

WorraLiberty · 01/10/2013 21:28

She was out of order but I'm not sure if she was breaking the law in this particular case?

They had no seating for the public so I assume she would have refused anyone that seat.

She was still a hard hearted person though with no compassion.

Milkhell · 01/10/2013 21:30

I'd have just done it.

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 01/10/2013 21:32

Are you in the Lakes on holiday? I can recommend some friendlier places to feed if that would help?

hettienne · 01/10/2013 21:33

Telling someone they couldn't sit in the chair would be petty, but legal. Telling someone they can't do "that kind of thing in here" in regards to breastfeeding isn't legal. The OP could have stood or sat on the floor to feed.

firstforthought · 01/10/2013 21:37

I join those who would just plonk myself down and feed baby. And I have. In Argos :)

moustachio · 01/10/2013 21:37

I breastfed for a year. I doubt its that she didn't want you to breastfeed and more that the chair wasn't for customer use, be that bottlefeeding, breastfeeding or just needing a sit down.

You wanted to use something that wasn't for the general public, you don't get some high status just because you breastfeed.

WorraLiberty · 01/10/2013 21:37

The OP could have stood or sat on the floor to feed

But could she though?

I mean are shopkeepers legally obliged to allow people to loiter in their shops (with no seating) and breastfeed their babies?

Genuine question btw

I mean what if it was a small newsagents?

BerryGood · 01/10/2013 21:37

lesson to learn from this: don't ask

BoffinMum · 01/10/2013 21:41

How extraordinary. I would have said something like, "Don't be daft, it's raining!" and just sat down and got on with it. What's she going to do, call the police? If she really had dug her oars in I would have stood up, fed the baby anyway, and photographed her discreetly on my phone on the way out, before sending her picture to the local paper with the story.

Had she made a fuss about me standing up and feeding the baby in the dry, I would have whoops, dropped both teas on the floor, oh dear, I am terribly sorry, you'll have to clean that up, silly me. And still taken her photo.

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 01/10/2013 21:43

I do think it depends a lot on the set up of the shop. I've sat myself on the floor of supermarkets, fed on park benches, in a church and in many many cafes, but I wouldn't do it in a small newsagent type place - because I wouldn't sit myself down in there for any other reason iyswim.

WorraLiberty · 01/10/2013 21:45

It was basically just a village shop. One tiny room with a coffee machine in the corner

I imagine someone sitting on the floor breastfeeding would be dangerous for all concerned....especially with a coffee machine in the corner and people walking out with hot coffee.

pianodoodle · 01/10/2013 21:46

I doubt its that she didn't want you to breastfeed and more that the chair wasn't for customer use

If that was the case though, why the comment "you can't do that sort of thing in here" rather than "the chair isn't for customer use"?

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