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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

WIBU to move out and take everything

975 replies

FarOverTheRainbow · 30/09/2013 08:15

Bit of background. My OH decided to end out relationship a few days ago. We have 1 DC under 1. I don't want the relationship to end at all, we have our problems and decieded we would give it one last try for each other but a couple of weeks in after telling me he had no intention of ending things he no has. I'm heart broken. We rent a house of his parents and they have said if I stay they will increase the rent to so can't afford to stay so I'm moving out with DD. The tenancy is all in my name. XP has said he is moving in wen I love out so the only things I'm allowed to take is DDs things because he needs the rest. I'm a SAHM mum and he has a good paying job, I think should have most the bigger stuf like fridge, dryer, sofa but he says I have nothing. When we brought anything we both put money into everything and had 1 pit so it was all just "ours" I'm angry I'm being forced out my home with DD and now he says I'm not allowed anything. So WIVU to take it anyway?

Please don't flame me if I am, my heads a mess, I've lost my whole life and now I'm expected to start again from
Nothing while he has everything

OP posts:
FarOverTheRainbow · 05/11/2013 15:58

So from what you've said because the notice that they have be given me runs out before the month sent is due it will be classed as invalid?

OP posts:
HissyFucker · 05/11/2013 16:02

Legal is AWESOME, I dare say you may have suffered from their frustration. they expect you to listen and understand pretty damned pronto. they know their stuff there!

You have been given plenty of really valid advice here and you don't seem to want to grasp any of it or hit the ground running. You are being WAY too passive here and it could land you and your DD under a bridge if you are not careful. Your Mother has advised you do to bugger all, and we told you that this was ill-advised and why.

I admire your faith in human nature, but your ex and his hideously sick family are not human and the more shit that is showered all over you and a defenceless little baby, the bigger emotional stiffy they will get.

After all this time, you still can't see how truly evil they are, can you?

Now, time to WOMAN up and get your situation back under YOUR control. OK? :)

Please do as you are advised, you really CAN trust these strangers on the internet, we have no axe to grind, no agenda, other than to stop a young woman being royally fucked over by truly shit people.

FarOverTheRainbow · 05/11/2013 16:06

Hissy I see your point I really do. My head is messed up now.

My rent is due on huge 5th of every month. They gave me the S21 notice on the 1st with 2 calander months notice so I have to be out by the 1st December.

I have no fixed period it was just a rolling contract of time.

Now will that section 21 notice be invalid? Will they have to serve me with a new one?

OP posts:
FarOverTheRainbow · 05/11/2013 16:06

I wish I could have a glass of wine

OP posts:
HissyFucker · 05/11/2013 16:09

If your Section 21 is invalid, the LL may have to re-serve you with proper notice, adhering to the proper times/dates etc.

Even then the council won't necessarily accept it.

HissyFucker · 05/11/2013 16:11

No. Your Section 21 is invalid then.

The date needed to be 4th December.

They will need to give you proper notice, with the notice period to commence no later than the 4th of the month (yes that means it won't now start until 5th December - so you won't need to even think of leaving eviction or not, for 3 months from THAT date.

FarOverTheRainbow · 05/11/2013 16:17

Shock Really?

OP posts:
BlackbeltinBS · 05/11/2013 16:19

Yes really - it's an invalid notice.

FarOverTheRainbow · 05/11/2013 16:22

Will the council notice it?

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FarOverTheRainbow · 05/11/2013 16:23

If I'm there longer he's going to demand his half of the stuff like washing machine bed and bedroom furniture and kitchen table what do I do then ?

OP posts:
BlackbeltinBS · 05/11/2013 16:26

I wouldn't assume that for one second. The only person to lose from your assumption would be you.

YOU know it, you should point it out to your advisor (whether Shelter/CAB/solicitor) and you should definitely not move out on either 1st, 4th or 5th December without as said above written confirmation from the council that you are not intentionally homeless for doing so.

FarOverTheRainbow · 05/11/2013 16:27

Your right black belt and now I have no intention o moving out km
Just wondering if I should point it out to the council now or leave it until closer to the end of the notice?

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FarOverTheRainbow · 05/11/2013 16:39

And does anyone have an idea if he can take the stuff? Thank you

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ChasedByBees · 05/11/2013 16:42

Refuse to let him in the house as if he tries to enter, report him to the police. You have to play hardball with these people, because like it or not, they are playing it with you.

Seems a perfect time for Wine I know this is tough. You can do it.

HissyFucker · 05/11/2013 16:51

england.shelter.org.uk/get_advice/eviction/harassment_and_illegal_eviction_by_landlord/harassment_by_a_landlord

Removing things that are part of the rental is NOT permitted.

he has NO right to enter your home, ever, without your permission.

HissyFucker · 05/11/2013 16:55

You need CAB advice, why not call shelter now and see what they say about your section 21, the eviction, being intentionally homeless and council assistance.

IIRC you may NEED to be officially evicted by a bailiff via a court order to be declared homeless. As a former inventory clerk, I had to come into contact with a few people who, for one reason or another, had no option other than to sit it out and make the LL get a court order, or they would not get any council assistance.

I know you think you are not up to this fight, but you really are. I promise that getting through this will transform you - for the better!

HissyFucker · 05/11/2013 16:56

If I'm there longer he's going to demand his half of the stuff like washing machine bed and bedroom furniture and kitchen table what do I do then ?

Just in case you are unclear on this, the answer to this is to tell him to GO FUCK HIMSELF

And that is the POLITE way of putting it tbh.

FarOverTheRainbow · 05/11/2013 17:11

Okay HIssy I'm more then happy to tell him to go and fuck himself. I've just phoned the CLA and I'm waiting for the lady I spoke to last time to call
Me back she was lovely and very helpful. She was just dealing with someone else so hopefully will call me soon.
So do I pay the full rent now? I should of paid it today but was waiting until XP has DD tomorrow to ask for bank details because I cancelled the direct debit

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Bearbehind · 05/11/2013 17:20

OP, much earlier on in this thread you mentioned that your father has said he will help you with a deposit so that you could privately rent again. You said you wanted council accommodation so that you had the security of knowing you couldn't be evicted again, but have you really weighed up both options?

It seems that all this turmoil is being caused by the need to ensure the council accept you as homeless and therefore have to help you, but what if you get placed in a shithole house with drug and other problems or just next to the neighbours from hell. What would you do if that was your 'forever' home?

Privately renting, if you can afford it might be a better option, certainly in the short term as it would get you out of this nightmare situation. In the longer term it gives you flexibility that you might be grateful of one day.

mitchsta · 05/11/2013 17:45

OP, I hope you don't mind me jumping in here. I've never known what to say before as so many others have given great advice. I really feel for you having to tolerate this excuse for a man and his psycho mother. I'm routing for you, I really am. What's really worrying is that your posts suggest this is normal somehow and that you have to put up with it. It isn't and you really don't.

Contrary to popular belief, mums do not always know best. Sounds like your mum is in complete denial about the severity of the situation. Your dad is right this time. Find a new solicitor. You've been advised time and time again to change the locks and you really do need to get that sorted now for your own peace of mind. Ignore the people who've suggested that you check the terms of your tenancy agreement. Your safety is more important here (and will be in the eyes of the law) and the whole agreement is clearly dodgy, so I doubt they'll want to examine it with a fine-tooth comb Get those locks changed.

I really can't offer any advice that hasn't already been posted here, but the only way he is going to be able to get any of the possessions that he's claiming he has a right to is if you let him. That's it. Why are you letting him in? He is not entitled to be there or take anything from you - anything he says or does to the contrary is utter bollocks, quite frankly. You are NOT wasting police time if you alert them due to feeling threatened in your own home. Using your DD as a bargaining tool and taking your property is threatening.

FFS, stop letting this man into your home. If you must continue with your access agreement - I see no reason why you should until you've been through the courts - then let someone else do it for you at an agreed location. Ignore him. His demands and threats to take stuff will amount to nothing if you don't respond to any of it. Don't answer the door. Don't reply to his texts. Don't answer his calls. Ignore, ignore, ignore. He is a vile bastard. Stop letting him call the shots. Be ready to call the police if he tries to force entry. As others have mentioned, keep records of his texts/emails. Keep things moving with the CSA and his maintenance.

Please, please, please forget about the man you thought he was and look at what he is right now. He is controlling, manipulative, aggressive, selfish... and they're some of his finer qualities by the sounds of it. You do not deserve this. No-one does. But it does seem like you're taking some of the advice (about the tenancy, etc) while dismissing other, equally important issues - please change the locks and keep him out of your home.

HissyFucker · 05/11/2013 18:14

Your rent is still due, so pay it when you have a moment.

How much is he paying in maintenance? Why not suggest you deduct it from the rent and put that in writing.

Ask him why he gets to see his dd when he's not in the leaat bit concernef about her wellbeing

FarOverTheRainbow · 05/11/2013 18:46

He said in his nasty messages a few weeks ago that he's putting XXX aside each week into a bank by direct debit to prove to the court he's willing to pay for his child but I'm refusing to give him my bank details, I told him he hasn't asked for them and if he tells me what details he needs I'd provide him with them but he's never asked so from wen eve split up I've worked out what he said he would pay so it should be in this "bank account" and will say he can take tht off the rent and I was going to say work out the new rent taking off te days I'm by going to be here but now I think ill just say take off XXX which you owe me in maintenance and ill pay the rest. Does that sound like a good idea?

OP posts:
HissyFucker · 05/11/2013 18:51

Yes, and tell him that this arrangement stays in place for the length of your tenancy, and from then on he will pay that sum to you via standing order to the bank details you give (and give them in that letter)

Failure to do so will result in your seeking legal action and contacting the CSA.

Is the amount he's paying what the CSA recommended would be?

Is he fucking you over on this too?

FarOverTheRainbow · 05/11/2013 19:22

He's paying just over what they CSA say but he's finishing work in 2 weeks and has none so we'll see then

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