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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to move out and take everything

975 replies

FarOverTheRainbow · 30/09/2013 08:15

Bit of background. My OH decided to end out relationship a few days ago. We have 1 DC under 1. I don't want the relationship to end at all, we have our problems and decieded we would give it one last try for each other but a couple of weeks in after telling me he had no intention of ending things he no has. I'm heart broken. We rent a house of his parents and they have said if I stay they will increase the rent to so can't afford to stay so I'm moving out with DD. The tenancy is all in my name. XP has said he is moving in wen I love out so the only things I'm allowed to take is DDs things because he needs the rest. I'm a SAHM mum and he has a good paying job, I think should have most the bigger stuf like fridge, dryer, sofa but he says I have nothing. When we brought anything we both put money into everything and had 1 pit so it was all just "ours" I'm angry I'm being forced out my home with DD and now he says I'm not allowed anything. So WIVU to take it anyway?

Please don't flame me if I am, my heads a mess, I've lost my whole life and now I'm expected to start again from
Nothing while he has everything

OP posts:
HissyFucker · 25/10/2013 20:46

Not good enough, go see another solicitor, you want one who cares about you!

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 25/10/2013 21:21

I was really disappointed in him.

OP posts:
GatoradeMeBitch · 25/10/2013 21:27

I'm sorry your lawyer was crap. I don't know if MN legal could help you identify a decent local lawyer, or Women's Aid? I really think you might want to call Women's Aid anyway, take them through every issue and see if they can help with anything.

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 25/10/2013 21:41

I was really disappointed in him. Didn't seem overly interested and keen to get us out the door

OP posts:
HissyFucker · 25/10/2013 21:46

:)

When are you going to learn to listen to your instincts?

That guy's not the lawyer for you. They have to go to WAR for you, you want them to engage!

Keep going!

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 25/10/2013 22:55

I'm going to see another one. I want one with a high success eye f dealing with family law cases. I know us going to get messy And I need to protect me and DD

OP posts:
HorryIsUpduffed · 26/10/2013 07:40

One that listens to you and identifies the actual problem would be a good start Hmm

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 26/10/2013 08:12

I'm just so worried about what lies a twists his messed up sister will say I wake up at night and can't stop thinking abou it

OP posts:
HissyFucker · 26/10/2013 09:54

Let them think/say what they like.

The TRUTH is yours. They can't compete with that, but you ARE going to need a GOOD solicitor.

You CAN do this, you just need to believe in yourself, see the injustice and focus your energy in to ice cold fury.

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 27/10/2013 17:57

Sorry I've been AWOL actually had a good couple of days with no interference from him until day but I knew it was coming because its a contact day tomorrow

OP posts:
HissyFucker · 27/10/2013 18:07

Why the interference today? What did he do?

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 27/10/2013 19:05

He asked for me to get a particular pair of shorts and bring them to him with DD tomorrow when I asked him last week to take the last of his things that I'd black bagged and he said no he doesn't need anything so he told me to out them in the loft now he said I should go onthe loft and find them and if I don't then he will

OP posts:
GatoradeMeBitch · 27/10/2013 19:12

Okay, so the good behaviour lasted a couple of days and now the threats have started again.

This is where a good solicitor would come in, a legal letter informing him he has a certain amount of time to collect his belongings. Though if you are planning to move out shortly maybe you don't need the hassle and expense.

I don't even know what to suggest at this point Far. Did you contact Women's Aid? I won't keep nagging, but I think they have the potential to be a very good resource.

ChasedByZombees · 27/10/2013 19:13

Don't allow him in your home. Do drop off somewhere else or at the door. I would text and say, "you will not go and get anything. You do not have permission to enter my house. If you try and enter I will call the police and have you removed."

And I would mean it.

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 27/10/2013 19:25

I am going to call WA tomorrow I really am, I've just had such a good couple of days, around lots of people Id just put all the mess to the back of my head.

I've said I'll look if i can't find them then it's tough, I gave him the chance to take them but he didn't want to and then I ended the text. We've agreed drops and pick ups away from the house so there's no reason for him to be anywhere near. My friend knows soneone who can come and change the barrel on my door too so that's good

OP posts:
GatoradeMeBitch · 27/10/2013 19:40

That's great! Sorry, I didn't mean to sound like I was whinging at you! But this is the reason we were surprised at your Mum's attitude. He sounds like he enjoys his controlling power trips too much to back off after one police visit. He is going to keep coming back at you again and again like a stubborn weed until he knows for certain that he can't get away with it.

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 27/10/2013 20:22

No it didn't sound like your whinging at all!! I appricate all the help and advice so much!

OP posts:
Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 29/10/2013 12:27

Do wa call you back? I only have my mobile now and I'm just about to phone them but worried about the cost

XP has messaged to say he can't have DD for a week because he's going away. I'm glad I don't have to deal with him for 7 days at least

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 29/10/2013 12:48

I reckon if you explain, you only have your mobile (has he had your landline cut off?) they will call you back.

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 29/10/2013 13:09

Yeh he had it cut off

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 29/10/2013 13:15

So nice he is potentially endangering your child. Hmm What a git.

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 02/11/2013 08:56

I haven't abandoned the thread I've jus been having a peaceful few days which is nice

OP posts:
ChasedByZombees · 02/11/2013 09:51

Great, glad to hear it. :)

livingzuid · 02/11/2013 11:14

Far I have read through this thread with increasing dismay. People have already given you excellent advice which I can't add to.

The only thing I will say is that abuse is not purely physical. Psychological abuse is sadly extremely common and 100% just as damaging. Just because you cannot see the bruises and scars does not mean they are there! It's hard for any of us to think of being a victim particularly when you are doing such a great job of pulling through but please don't feel you aren't entitled to any support. Did you speak to someone at Women's aid? Or find a better solicitor? That one sounded rubbish! Women's aid are extremely experienced in supporting you. And you can always go and see them as well if you are worried about cost. In the exceedingly unlikely circumstance that they can't assist they will tell you what to do next.

I am pleased you have had a few days of peace. You do need legal clarity probably through the courts on dd before that peace is shattered again. And he should contribute financially to dd via csa it is what they have been set up to do. You spend the money on her and not on anything else if that makes it better.

I am so sorry you have had to go through this and hope soon you will come out on the other side.

livingzuid · 02/11/2013 11:15

Sigh...does not mean they are Not there....

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