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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be hacked off with people telling me it's going to be a nightmare when I have DC3?

89 replies

Apparentlychilled · 25/09/2013 12:04

I'm 22 weeks pg with DC3. My other DC will be 5yrs and 26 months respectively when no3 arrives. I know I'm hormonal and sleep deprived, but AIBU to be hacked off by people commenting about how hard it will be having a third? It ranges from "how will you cope with 3, if this is how things are w 2", to "it's going to be a nightmare". And no, we have no serious issues with our DC (OK, DD has just started school and is having normal settling in problems but NOTHING out of the ordinary).

I was speaking to my Dsis this morning. She has 3, inc a small gap between DC2 and 3 and she kept banging on about how awful it'll be. Even when I said we're kind of committed at this stage and that I know new babies are hard work and that people commenting doesn't help. Nope, she still knows better.

AIBU to want to tell people to fuck off?

OP posts:

Bowlersarm · 25/09/2013 12:07

Just say 'I'm sure we'll manage' with a lovely big smile.

For me, DC1 was 4 and DC2 was 21 months when DC3 arrived. Chaos, but fantastic. Tiring, but fantastic. It was hard work, but bloody fantastic!

Scholes34 · 25/09/2013 12:11

DC1 was 3.5 and DC2 2 when DC3 arrived. Life was chaotic enough that DC3 really didn't add to it. Yes, hard, work, but like Bowlersarm, fantastic. An imbalanced family, can never easily book hotel rooms or buy "family" tickets for our family, someone always has to sit in the middle in the back of the car, but life is rather fantastic.

A lovely big smile is better than telling someone to fuck off, so YABU (sorry!)

musicismylife · 25/09/2013 12:17

I know where you're coming from OP, and probably in my mind I would have wanted to tell them to eff off too.

When my DC was around 10 months old, I fell pregnant with DC2 and DC3 (twins). The amount of people who came out with the same spiel, OP, it used to drive me mad. 'you must be crazy' or 'you must not have a television'

It almost felt like they were goading me but now I realise that most people just don't know what to say.

As it is, I pissed them off even more by having DC4!!

Original poster

Apparentlychilled · 25/09/2013 12:42

music- I know, you're right, people are just unimaginative, but thank you for empathising. I guess it's just on bad days that it feels like goading. I think that today can be counted as a bad day- I slept really badly last week and then walked into a lamp-post getting DC into the car for nursery/school (yes, actually walked into it. And it really hurts).

OP posts:

Thepowerof3 · 25/09/2013 12:45

I've got 3 and love it, maybe they can't cope doesn't mean you won't. yanbu

PeppiNephrine · 25/09/2013 12:49

Its just small talk. Chill out and save you strength, because three is hard work.
Or you think it is, until you have four.

BinarySolo · 25/09/2013 12:49

I had this recently with my SECOND! One friend said 'it's not twice as hard, it's much harder than that.'

Erm, thanks pal.

Aniseeda · 25/09/2013 12:51

Yanbu. Mess with their heads by giving a cheery smile and saying "oh, no, we'll be fine. The more the merrier" or some such!

DS1 was 4.10 and DS2 2.5 when I had DD and I found it waaaaaaaaaay easier than the jump from one child to two.

Being pregnant with two little ones was bloody hard work, I'll admit, but, once she arrived, it all fell into place very easily for me.

MistressDeeCee · 25/09/2013 12:54

Take no notice, just smile & say youre looking forward to it.

I have 2 DCs, I was pregnant again when my 1st was 7 months old. When they were younger I was sick to the back teeth of the OMG comments, how will you manage, youve made a rod for your back, etc etc. Actually it was lovely having them both. Hard work, but arent other things hard work in life? & why do some people think its just ok to say anything they like to pregnant women? Ive always wondered about that. Personal comments they wouldnt make at any other time. Some people act as if having more than 1 child is the end of a woman's life. Leave them to it. Their story isnt your story. Best wishes to you and family

TwoCrazyKids · 25/09/2013 13:02

Im pregnant with dc3, our dc are 3 & 4. I've been getting the same comments. Sil thinks I'm mad, shes finding having 3 very hard.

I might be naive but I think we'll be ok..I'm also in the middle of my degree so it will be hard but hopefully doable!

Rooners · 25/09/2013 13:03

I must admit I have found dc3 VERY difficult to manage - ds2 for some reason went without a hitch and it made me think babies are easy. That was before ds1 started school though - I do think it is the expectations of the world that make it so much harder tbh.

But then I am on my own with the three of them and so it is genuinely chaotic.

He is 9mo nearly and I am still trying to catch up with stuff I should have done when I was pregnant...I often sit down and think 'I cannot do this'.

But it's got to get easier, right?

Rooners · 25/09/2013 13:04

Sorry I have entirely missed the point there

What I meant to say was, yes, tell them to get to feck, because if you are confident it will get you through, somehow, and who are they to try and take away from that.

I'm not trying to do that - I think you will be great.

Beastofburden · 25/09/2013 13:06

meh, I had 3 DC aged just 4 and under. My friend with six DC used to point and laugh. Three isn't any worse than 2 provided you remember to lower your domestic standards accordingly

remember the huge difference is - this time you know what you are doing.

Hawkmoth · 25/09/2013 13:06

I got, "are you FUCKING MENTAL?"

It's not THAT bad. The older one is being a bit mothery and the middle one a bit clingy. However, the baby is easiest yet and it's lovely how they all interact. Wouldn't change it.

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 25/09/2013 13:08

I have five but with 2 older ones and three littles and the littles are DD - 27 months - no3 son - 25 months - no4 son and there was nothing particularly nightmarish about having them. It is chaotic and needs planning and organising, but it's not really very different to having 2, and if I'm honest, the shock of having my first and going from none to one was by far the worst upheaval.
I also don't sweat the housework and have learned to lower my standards through the floor let stuff go a lot. I also don't give a shit what anyone thinks of me anymore - and that took quite some doing, but got so much easier as I get older
You will cope, and you will manage, and you and the family will find what works for you - it will be ok, honestly. What people mean when they say "how will you cope?" is "I couldn't cope" - it's not about you at all iyswim.

weebarra · 25/09/2013 13:12

My DC3, DD, is 5 weeks old today. I've got a bigger age gap than you (DS1 is 5 and DS2 is just 3),but I seem to be managing ok so far.
None of them have starved to death yet, they seem to be reasonably clean and we haven't been late for school.
I'm a bit knackered and slightly harassed, but I expected to be! Ignore them, people just like to comment on stuff!

Akray · 25/09/2013 13:16

People I know and random people say to me all the time "OMG how do you manage?" I have 5DC age 11 yrs to 6 months. When I'm in a good mood I smile sweetly and say "the more the merrier!"

I think going from 1DC to 2DC was the hardest, after 2 it felt easier ( maybe more relaxed about parenting?). I love my big family............

IceCreamForCrow · 25/09/2013 13:17

Oh god I haaaate it when people do this. What are you supposed to do, say 'oh gosh yes you're right, I'll send it back'?

It's so superior. They know it all. Except they dont! It's the same when people scare newly pregnant first time mums with labour horror stories.

Just ignore it. Or turn it back onto them. Sympathetic voice 'Ooh dear do you struggle to cope very often? How awful for you..'

Original poster

Apparentlychilled · 25/09/2013 13:23

thank you all.

I know I need to be a bit tougher skinned as people are just being thoughtless. But you're right, IceCream- it's not like we're going to change our mind at this stage! In fact, when we told PIL about this baby, MIL asked if it was a good idea- WTF did she think I was going to do, go off and have a termination just because life is going to be busy?!!!

Aaaaaagh- I clearly have the pregnancy rage today. Pah, I thought I'd passed that stage.

And breathe.....

OP posts:

IceCreamForCrow · 25/09/2013 13:28

I have 3 and they're blimmin brilliant. You'll be fine and you'll find your own way.

Original poster

Apparentlychilled · 25/09/2013 13:37

I don't doubt that I'll be busy, and I had PND twice, so I fully expect to get it again, but we always wanted 3 DC, and we're lucky enough to be having a third, so, really, what's there to complain about (though I'm sure I will moan when sleep deprived).

thanks folks. All tales of live w 3 DC being good welcome- you've got me in tears (in a good way. Bless the hormones...!).

OP posts:

IsSpringSprangedYet · 25/09/2013 13:37

There are 13 months between 1 and 2, 17 months between 2 and 3 and 23 months between 3 and 4. I had 4DC aged 4 and under until 2 months ago.

To be honest, I just say we'll be fine. I used to get cross and not say anything and do a horrible fake smile. Maybe having 4 DC close in age has chilled me out

TheSydenhamSet · 25/09/2013 13:39

It is a step up, certainly, particularly as they get older and you're dealing with the character issues more and more, not only the physical needs. But it's lovely, you adapt as parents, the older children blossom (in my own experience) and you will be surprised by how much you've learnt with the first two

TheSydenhamSet · 25/09/2013 13:40

Btw, same age gap as you OP

Beastofburden · 25/09/2013 13:42

Anyway- a lot changes and gets harder or at least happens in public more as DC age. Eldest going to school for instance. Makes it all harder- whether you have 2 or 3- but it's not the DC3 that is causing this.

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