DS wetting himself when I was there and nursery not offering to help

[cruisepool]

So, DS is 3. Has been completely potty trained for a few months. When I went to pick him up today, I was standing getting feedback from a member of staff and DS was standing next to me. All fine.

I picked him up and his bottom felt a bit 'cold'. I asked him if he had wet himself and he said he had wanted to do his wee at home. The member of staff asked if he was wet and I said, yes, it is soaking through now, he has wet himself. He must have done it when we were standing there getting feedback.

The member of staff then just said bye, see you tomorrow DS. It was fine, I took him to bathroom, found his spare clothes and cleaned him up.

BUT, AIBU to have at least expected the member of staff to have offered to do it, or offer to help? I was fine doing it myself obviously, but I hadn't signed him out, so I do feel they should have at least offered to help or said 'are you okay to sort him out?'

I work in a nursery and in the situation you described op we would always offer to change the child. (Most parents would let us too) it only makes me cross when the child gets upset and the parent still doesn't offer to change them but waits outside bathroom area. And we are left to change a screaming child.

I had 3 children who came in this morning and pooed in the car on the way to nursery the nursery staff changed them without hesitation.

I have only been annoyed once when a parent got to nursery early waited for 10 mins in the room until staff arrived and then announced he had pooed in the car. Why she didn't change him I just don't know, he was screaming, red raw and nappy had leaked.

Yabu and comparing it to somebody in residential care being neglected is offensive.

Get over yourself.

mimi I don't tend to carry spare toddler pants in my briefcase. I leave spare ones at nursery for her. Thankfully I managed to locate them in the toddler bathroom.

ali I am not being argumentative here, just genuinely interested how you deem it neglectful for a member of staff not to assist granny when she is with her family (she is our dependent), but it is hunky dory for a toddler? (not that I am in anyway implying my child was neglected)

I think if I were a child in that situation I would rather my parent cleaned and changed me

Care homes - look after the elderly when their families cannot any longer. It is easier said than done to care for an adult re incontinence issues. You pay care homes to care to an unwell relative 24/7.

Nurseries - look after children so parents can work. That'll be the children you chose to have and are expected to be capable of raising yourself. You pay them to care for your toddler between dropping them off and picking them up. Nothing more nothing less. You responsibility before dropping them off and after picking them up.

Fgs, this thread was faintly ridiculous in the beginning and now it's getting worse.

Thanks ali. We can look after our gran, she can generally look after herself, but she wanted to be somewhere where there were lots of other people her age. She doesn't generally have continence issues. But accidents happen to the best of us don't they?

I am just talking about people displaying an ounce of interest in other human beings. "You alright there cruise, you'll find your DC clean clothes up on the shelf in the bathroom'. Kind, helpful.

clam leave well alone then.

I am interested to note that those posters who work in a nursery setting say that in this situation they would offer to change the child.

Cruisepool - the vast majority of respondents have said YABU, and you are now trying to draw parallels between your own scenario and completely different ones.

but I hadn't signed him out, so I do feel they should have at least offered to help or said 'are you okay to sort him out?'

This indicated that it is a case of feeling entitled, "as I hadn't signed him out". Quite frankly, if I was standing with my child, who I had already collected and was in the process of leaving with, and they had an accident, being asked if I was ok to deal with them - my own child - would result in a face from me.

AIBU to have at least expected the member of staff to have offered to do it

Yes, yes, you are. And YAB even more U to deem it worthy of coming on here and arguing with the majority opinion and drip-feeding/modifying and inventing random other scenarios. FFS.

Never normally get wound up by AIBU .

I don't think YABU at all. In my DS' nursery all changing paraphernalia is kept in the bathroom and specifically labelled per child (the nursery doesn't provide it). I wouldn't know where to find DS' wipes etc so have always allowed the staff to change him if I've found he needs it at pick up time. They've always offered to sort him out and been happy to do so.

They did show an interest, talked to you about it, said goodbye nicely to your child and then went back to work, looking after the children whose parents were not there, able to care for them.

Seriously, if this is such a major issue for you, and you really, truly feel that the staff in your nursery show "not an ounce of human compassion", I would assume that you have no intention of leaving your child in their care ever again.

Suffolk I was always told by nursery that there protocol was that until the child was signed out, the child was their responsibility. I have never paid any heed to it to be honest, but it is their protocol, which is why I would have expected a member of staff to know. Technically (and technically only!!! he was still on there watch!) Clearly when I am there, I see myself as fully responsible for my DC, but still expect a bit of politeness from staff. We were not in the process of leaving, he was standing in the outdoor adventure bit. Which is accessed through the toddler room only.

suffolk it was ONE member of staff, not them all. Another one asked once I was in the bathroom if I had everything I needed. Nice and normal. And what I have come to expect from the staff at that nursery. Which is why perhaps it surprised me that this lady was so different from the usual treatment.

I don't tend to carry spare toddler pants in my briefcase.

Ooooh, get youuuuu ! As a parent you should be prepared at any time for anything !

No mimi I won't. It has irritated me and I can see from the nursery workers on this thread that they don't deem be to BU (although some other posters do) and that is enough for me. I don't think for a minute that my child's care was in question, if I had, I would have dealt with it there and then. It is a separate issue quite clearly.

I perhaps should have posted this in nursery and asked nursery workers what they would have done in this situation as that really is what I wanted to know.

flap Anything at anytime? Really? Christ, what do you carry around with you. A nuclear bunker in case of attack?

Why in the name of God do you keep bollocking on about them showing compassion for your child?? You were there.
Exactly what assistence did you expect (or need)?

Kind of sounds from your post, she wasn't signed out not my responsibility, but she is though.
I think yabu, the nursery wasn't nasty or rude. You were stood there.why should they have changed her, leaving the other children whose parents weren't yet there, when you were stood next to her.
Unfair to leave the other children and staff when there was no need to.

Dear me. I'm sure the poorly paid and fairly tired nursery worker had a million other things to do than change a child who had wet themselves while the parent was standing nearby. Perhaps she had lots of important stuff in her head so wanted to get on thinking about all of that and forgot to act like she really really wanted to go and change your child for you or offer to show you where all the stuff was kept.

Well, I have worked in nurseries and might have said something along the lines of "Oh, are you ok getting that, or shall I?" If you had responded with "Yes please change him, that's so compassionate [ ]of you," I would have changed him and silently seethed.

And your comparison to residential care for the elderly is offensive on many levels.

Are you sure that the nursery worker noticed? Also, maybe she didn't want to interfere. I'm not sure why you keep prattling on about compassion either, she weed herself, didn't break a limb!!

candy I think I have said the word compassion once in my posts. Once.

Ican't I would not have responded with 'yes you do it'. I would have done and thanked you for offering. As I have said already.