DS wetting himself when I was there and nursery not offering to help

[cruisepool]

So, DS is 3. Has been completely potty trained for a few months. When I went to pick him up today, I was standing getting feedback from a member of staff and DS was standing next to me. All fine.

I picked him up and his bottom felt a bit 'cold'. I asked him if he had wet himself and he said he had wanted to do his wee at home. The member of staff asked if he was wet and I said, yes, it is soaking through now, he has wet himself. He must have done it when we were standing there getting feedback.

The member of staff then just said bye, see you tomorrow DS. It was fine, I took him to bathroom, found his spare clothes and cleaned him up.

BUT, AIBU to have at least expected the member of staff to have offered to do it, or offer to help? I was fine doing it myself obviously, but I hadn't signed him out, so I do feel they should have at least offered to help or said 'are you okay to sort him out?'

YABU

Of course YABU. You know you are, surely

DD2 goes to nursery on a Friday and is potty trained but when I pick her up they will always look to see what time she last went and if it was a while ago will offer to take her to the toilet for me before I leave. I've never quite understood it tbh, it's very nice of them but surely no one would accept?! I've just picked her up, I love doing these little things with her, even the stinky things!

This has happened a few times at my nursery while I'm giving feedback to parents. I have always offered to change the child but explained that I may have another 6/7 parents also waiting to collect their children so I would only be able to do it after that. I only ever had one parent take me up on my offer (because she'd just had her nails done) then complained that I had taken too long.

Your three year old pees himself while standing next to you, after you'd collected him ; and you expected the nursery nurse to offer to sort him out? You are quite, quite deluded, you poor thing.

I do realise I probably have come across as unreasonable. I see that. I think there are a few things pissing me off about his nursery at the moment and I let it bother me more than it should have. I never expected/wanted her to change him. It was more the way she just said 'he has wet himself' and went away to do something else - BTW there were no other parents there at the time.

Thanks tartan for saying you would offer - interesting to hear it from the perspective of a member of staff.

Am now questioning myself as I usually pick up DD 30 minutes before I have to. I am the only parent who picks up at that time. Quite often DD will tell me she has done a poo and I know she will have done it a little while before but have been too shy to tell anyone.

I always say sorry to the nursery staff but XXXXX has done a poo and they always change her. As I don't carry nappies on me for the sjourney from nursery I don't like to think she will be sitting in poo until she gets home. If I did carry a nappy in case this happens again I'm not sure where I'd change her as there is no changing table available for parents. Floor of loo? Was I really wrong in asking nursery staff to change DD. I feel awful now.

If she had wet that would have been different. I would have just grabbed spare clothes from her nursery bag and dealt with it but while she is in nappies.....

This happened to a child in the nursery I work in today.
Mum was 10 minutes late picking up, took him to the loo for a wee, then left.
A few minutes later she came back and asked for his bag as he had wet himself. The staff member politely asked if mum needed any help and the cheeky cow just let this member of staff change her child while she just stood there.
I was fuming (but smiled politely) as this took a memeber of staff away from the other children that needed looking after.
So, OP, YABU
Next time, remember if a member of staff asks you because it is polite, you should reciprocate the politeness by refusing the offer of help and sort your own child out.
Rant over

balloonist, in your situation you should expect the staff to change your child
in fact, they should be checking her before she goes home if she has a habit of doing it at the same time
maybe you could politely askthem if they could check her 15 mins before pick up and then every 5 mins

Yabu and seem to have changed your story. You were initially upset that he was technically still signed in and implied that they should therefore be responsible. You then changed it to since they were previously so helpful you thought they would offer this time. You sound very entitled and ridiculous.

Our nursery has always offered to change DD in similar circumstances and I've always let them as they have very clear systems (plastic gloves etc) that I don't want to mess up.

At ds1's nursery, parents weren't permitted into the children's toilet even with their own child. Apparently it was in case another child needed to use the toilet & went in, potentially leaving a non-CRB checked adult 'alone' or unsupervised with a child. It seemed over the top to me but I guess they had to cover the risks so they would always change him (he had a phase of weeing as I walked in). So I am surprised they allowed you in.

Is this nursery or daycare?

I just ask because if its nursery the I would say yabu but if daycare then perhaps not. My daycare always offer to change my boys if they have an accident or dirty nappy but then there are always 3/4 girls I. The room when I collect.

My nursery would have offered to change him. And I would have let them. I pay them a lot of money.

mum It is private nursery, so daycare I suppose. You know, one of the ones that take them from baby stage to pre school age.

insancerre See, you agree it is polite to offer. That is all I had expected. I had no expectation of them to change him. Had she offered I would have said no, I will deal with it.

I could have done with a change of clothes myself as I was covered in his piss!

Some of you have a point actually about (which I had never thought about before) being with other children when they were at the toilet. I was in there on my own with DS and other kids were coming in and washing their hands and going to the loo. That isn't right (but an entirely different issue).

Honestly I am sorry if I come across as entitled, I am one of the least entitled (which is such a MN expression, never hear it anywhere else!) people you could meet. I did not expect them to change DS, certainly not, and I should have made that clear in my OP - and that was my fault.

I don't think YABU at all OP.

I've had 3 kids at a combination of private and state nursery. At private nursery the collection times vary widely, so it would be highly unlikely (although not impossible) that the nursery worker would have a queue of parents waiting to speak to. I've also had a couple of occasions where one of the DCs have pooed or weed themselves just as we were leaving, and each occasion the nursery staff have offered to change them. I refused, but they couldn't have been more helpful.

FFS - it's just basic compassion for another human being surely, making sure that they know where everything is, do they need a hand etc etc.

balloonist I'd be concerned that the nursery weren't aware she needed changing and that she's been left in a dirty nappy, and really cross of it happened frequently.

OP, yabu. Very.

YABU
You're his mother for gods sake!

It seems amazingly unlucky for something to happen while you're there. It seems far more likely that it happened earlier and that you only noticed as you were about to leave.

On a handful of times staff or I noticed DD needed a nappy change when I picked her up, staff have always whipped her away and done it.

It's happened to me - twice. I was there, and witnessed the whole messy, smelly incident...

YABU. It wasn't like they handed a soaked child to you, he peed while standing next to you.

london I am 100% sure it happened when I was there. She had on very light coloured leggings so it would have been very obvious if it had happened earlier.

I see I have come across as U. But, sirchinjin you have managed to the point I was trying to get across (badly I admit). I suppose I didn't need her to offer to help so much as just say, do you know where everything is.

If a friend was round here and her DD wet herself, the responsibility clearly lies with my friend to deal with it, but I would naturally say something like 'are you okay, do you need a bag or anything for the wet clothes'.

Like wimblehorse I would not be allowed into the toilet/changing area of DD's nursery. It's a safeguarding issue for the other children. So the staff would always change the child in similar circumstances.

My DD2 is still in nappies, but if she has a dirty nappy when I collect her, they will always offer to change her.

Sorry judge, I asked whether I was BU, not whether you thought I was an idiot. I don't consider the nursery staff to be slaves. I do however pay that nursery a huge amount of money to care for DS.