DS wetting himself when I was there and nursery not offering to help

[cruisepool]

So, DS is 3. Has been completely potty trained for a few months. When I went to pick him up today, I was standing getting feedback from a member of staff and DS was standing next to me. All fine.

I picked him up and his bottom felt a bit 'cold'. I asked him if he had wet himself and he said he had wanted to do his wee at home. The member of staff asked if he was wet and I said, yes, it is soaking through now, he has wet himself. He must have done it when we were standing there getting feedback.

The member of staff then just said bye, see you tomorrow DS. It was fine, I took him to bathroom, found his spare clothes and cleaned him up.

BUT, AIBU to have at least expected the member of staff to have offered to do it, or offer to help? I was fine doing it myself obviously, but I hadn't signed him out, so I do feel they should have at least offered to help or said 'are you okay to sort him out?'

Oh hush with your and your entitleds - the OP would have liked a hand and a bit of compassion, that's all.

If the child fell over and hurt themselves, or was upset about something at handover time, would it be OK for the nursery worker to shrug their shoulders? Or would it be a lovely thing if their first reaction (as a compassionate human being) was to say "oh my goodness, is everything OK, how can I help".

I am 100% sure it happened when I was there. She had on very light coloured leggings so it would have been very obvious if it had happened earlier.

I thought it was your DS?

I understand what you are saying OP.

As a teacher (and human being) if a child that I was handing over at home time had wet themselves, I would of course ask the parent if they needed assistance.

The same way if a friend and her DC were in my house and had an accident, I would try and help.

I wouldn't expect to have to change either child myself, but it's human nature to offer to help isn't it? Even if she said that she was really busy handing over all the other DC but that if you needed anything just ask.

Ps. My DS wet himself on the walk home from the childminder this evening, before we had caught the bus... So perhaps I'm somewhat more sympathetic than I should be!

Sirchenjin you are on exactly the same wavelength as me on this.

hotcross I may have changed DD to a DS to try and make me less identifiable. I guess I missed one! But good on you Detective Hotcross!

insancerre- thanks for the reassurance. I'm a very easy going parent when it comes to nursery staff and I was suddenly thinking I might be unwittingly pissing them off big time.

Suffolklatch- a couple of times I know they've left a nappy on a bit too long because they've applied sudocreme and DD looks a bit red. She never gets nappy rash at home. In nursery's defence my DD usually has reasonably loose poos so there's never an obvious face. Usually she sneaks off quietly does it and then comes back to play (that's the give away for me). Mind you if you stood near her you should norice soon enough.

Usually she will tell me and when I go into nursery to collect her, she will occasionally come over to tell me she needs changing. As I feel it's been missed I do ask the nursery workers if they wouldn't mind changing her and I do say she seems to be doing it regularly at home time so they know to check.

Cruise - MN is like a parallel universe sometimes. HeGrew appears to be on the same wavelength too

Those nursery workers, however, aren't paid much more than the minimum wage, I shouldn't think.
And has your dc had a sex-change?

The OP explained the DD/DS thing.

They may not get paid more than the minimum wage, but that doesn't excuse the lack of basic compassion for a small child. If you saw someone with a broken shopping bag and groceries rolling around on the floor for example, would you step over them and tell them you're not being paid so won't help, or would you see what you could do to assist?

What would your child have preferred. His mother or a member of staff?

The OP has already explained that she wasn't looking for the staff member to change her child, but that she would have (quite rightly) liked them to offer to help - show her where the toilet was, where the wipes and change of clothes were, etc. Hardly onerous stuff - just a helping hand.

sleepy perhaps best to keep to the issues rather than trying to head towards an argument about the evil parents who put their children into childcare whilst they work.

clam they are paid more than mimimum wage, perhaps not much, but i I know it is above. But I don't think how much (or otherwise) they are paid is that relevant here. If it was, surely that would 'excuse' all manner of slights on their part, as they are on a low wage.

Our nursery would of course change a child if the accident happens on their premises.

"but that doesn't excuse the lack of basic compassion for a small child."
Lack of compassion?! His MOTHER was there, ffs!!! And she's said a fair few times on here that she was quite happy to change him herself. So what on earth's this thread all about then?

And I would never in a million years expect someone else (regardless of their position or salary level) to change my child for me if I was there and capable myself.

Right, my gran stays in a residential care home. She is generally fine, just getting old. We take her for days out.

If we were taking her on one of her days out and as we were standing signing her out for the day and she had an accident and wet herself, would it be 100% okay with you if the member of care staff there simply said 'oh she has had an accident' and went about with her other (non urgent) tasks, without so much as simply saying, 'let me know if you need anything, like a bag for the wet clothes'. But by this thread the majority of you would be happy with just about a shrug.

My nursery would have changed DS in these circumstances - not least because they had his nappies, wipes and spare clothes.

mimitwo Yes I can. People are both places are paid to look after my dependents when I am not there.

Yabu. You his mum and it happened whist you were there. No way can you compare a nursery and a residential home. Your 3 year old is not adult sized needing special training etc. Its something as his mum you can deal with.

Mini of course you can compare the two and yabu OP.
The staff at my DC nursery would always change them or offer some sort of help.

I mean yanbu!

Not comparable at all. Silly argument.

I view it as comparable in the sense that I would expect someone who works in a caring profession to show a hint of compassion or politeness when someone has an accident even although they are with their primary carer.

So your DC trips on the way out of the room at nursery and bangs his knee, whilst you are taking him home. You wouldn't expect the member of staff to see if they could do anything to help. Just tough tits mum, you are there, get on with it. We won't bother offering to get the cool pack for his knee. Lovely.