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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think 8 o clock on a Friday night is too late to get together with friends when there are DC aged 6 and 4?

53 replies

Greythorne · 24/09/2013 13:08

I might be being precious.

My friend has invited us to go round to hers (no special occasion, just a get together cos we haven't seen each other for a while) on Fruday night at 8pm.

I will be working, get home at 7.15, have to pile the kids aged 6 and 4 in the car and head out at 7.30 to get there for 8.

It just seems like a faff. And dc2 will almost certainly fall asleep in the car en route.

She said, oh it's Friday night, they can stay up a bit late!

But both my dcs are usually asleep by 8pm on a school night, even Friday, cos they are so tired after their day at school.

AIBU to politely decline?

She is a lovely friend.

OP posts:
hettienne · 24/09/2013 13:10

If you don't want to go, then don't.

Personally I would take 3 year old DS though. He is usually asleep by about 7.15, but as a one off he would either sleep there or stay up. If we didn't have plans the next day then no problem.

sydlexic · 24/09/2013 13:12

Could she come to you?

flipchart · 24/09/2013 13:16

Don't get the problem.
You know how your home life works best and make that decision.

When mine were younger I would have left them at home with DH but if that is not an option just work it out between you what is best.

irregularegular · 24/09/2013 13:18

Why do you have to take the children? babysitter? DH? I wouldn't take a 6 and 4 yr old to an 8pm Friday get together either - but that doesn't mean I'd turn the invite down.

KellyElly · 24/09/2013 13:18

I took my DD to a family party at the weekend, she's four, and she didn't end up getting to sleep until 11pm (she's in bed asleep by 7pm usually). The train journey home the next day was hell and she has was really tired and playing up yesterday. I only do it on very rare occasions for this reason. If you think you can get your kids to lie in the next few days and catch up on their sleep then do it, but if you are going to have to deal with grumpy tired kids over the weekend, I wouldn't bother!

ImagineJL · 24/09/2013 13:19

I wouldn't like it. My kids (4&8) are asleep by 8pm. Keeping them up later would be difficult, unpleasant, and would ruin the rest of the weekend as they'd be tired. Can you get a babysitter instead, or are the children an essential part of the occasion?

livinginwonderland · 24/09/2013 13:20

Can't you get a babysitter?

Original poster
Greythorne · 24/09/2013 13:21

The invitation is to the whole family as she has kids the same age so the idea is for them to see each other too.
DH also invited.

I will prob say no and suggest Sunday lunch here instead.

OP posts:
SavoyCabbage · 24/09/2013 13:24

Has she not suggested 8 as she knows you won't be home till 7.15?

ShatnersBassoon · 24/09/2013 13:24

I think you're being a bit inflexible. Kids can stop up late now and then.

MmmmWhiteWine · 24/09/2013 13:30

If you don't want to go, don't go. But your kids might really enjoy getting together with her children, going to a new house, etc etc. Will one late night do that much damage? You could take their PJs with you and get them changed before you come home so if they fall asleep you can just lift them into bed.

A catch up with good friends while your children are all playing sounds like a lovely way to spend Friday night to me!

flipchart · 24/09/2013 14:04

If its the whole family and DH then yes, I would go.

kennyp · 24/09/2013 14:07

i meet up with a friend with young kids but we start at 6pm so they are still awake and then when they are asleep she takes them home. 8 does seem a bit too late for me to be honest. sunday lunch does sound nicer for that age :)

DragonsAreReal · 24/09/2013 14:09

I would go because its a Friday and take the pjs and get them changed before going back home so they can be straight into bed.

AmberLeaf · 24/09/2013 14:11

I'd go, the children will all play together, once yours see her children they will be full of beans and have a whale of a time [that's what I remember from being a child when my parents visited friends anyway]

Bowlersarm · 24/09/2013 14:12

I think that's a lovely thing to do as a family.

Nice to see your friends, and DC to see their friends. All the more exciting as it's later than their normal. Things like this will give them treasured childhood memories.

Redlocks30 · 24/09/2013 14:12

I'd say no and either invite her to yours (so the kids can go to bed) or do it earlier in the day but at the weekend. We often see friends for dinner on a Saturday at about 4pm.

My kids at that age (in fact my youngest is still that age) would be cranky, tired and miserable and I wouldn't have been able to finish a conversation or enjoy myself. Does she have children?

Just ring and say you've thought about it and the kids will be a nightmare-what about if she comes to you?

TantrumsAndBalloons · 24/09/2013 14:15

Can there be absolutely no variation to the 8pm bedtime?

Can they not just fall asleep at your friends house and sleep later on Saturday? It's not the end of world is it?

TigOldBitties · 24/09/2013 14:17

Seems strange to me that you would think of that as late with children that age.

I'm in charge of DC this age nearly every Friday night and we typically have people over or go out around that time.

What time would you normally go out on a Friday?

Tavv · 24/09/2013 14:31

YANBU. Much better to meet up in the daytime.

Original poster
Greythorne · 24/09/2013 14:36

I didn't say it was the end if the world, Tantrums.

I think I'll be tired, DH will be tired, our DC will def be tired.

After a long day at work (I leave before 7am and won't be back till after 7pm) I don't think any of us will be on best form.

I am very flexible on bedtimes, esp at weekends and hold

I think I am personally just not up for it this Friday!

OP posts:
thebody · 24/09/2013 14:46

oh gawd, sounds more trouble than its worth and sure she's nice but to be fair it's you doing the travelling and you not having a drink.

personally I would offer sat tea time or Sunday dinner.

when you get in in a Friday you want kids bathed, tea and bed followed by the nice large glass of cold white.

KellyElly · 24/09/2013 14:48

Seems strange to me that you would think of that as late with children that age. One of her children is 4 Confused

TantrumsAndBalloons · 24/09/2013 14:54

Sorry greythorne that did sound a bit sarcastic. Not my intention, especially looking at the day you would have had.
I wouldnt fancy going anywhere, with or without dcs after a 12 hour day

Dahlen · 24/09/2013 14:56

This is the sort of thing that I would have no hesitation in doing now and again, but for a special occasion or because I hadn't seen a friend in ages and this was the only opportunity. I wouldn't make a habit of it simply because my DC were the type who would get up the same time every morning regardless of bed time, and would consequently be miserable as sin the next day. Worth it for a special occasion; otherwise not.

At 6, you could have a one-off bedtime as late as 10 without too many difficulties, but I'd expect the 4-year-old to be a bit of a handful the next day unless he or she slept in.