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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think 8 o clock on a Friday night is too late to get together with friends when there are DC aged 6 and 4?

53 replies

Greythorne · 24/09/2013 13:08

I might be being precious.

My friend has invited us to go round to hers (no special occasion, just a get together cos we haven't seen each other for a while) on Fruday night at 8pm.

I will be working, get home at 7.15, have to pile the kids aged 6 and 4 in the car and head out at 7.30 to get there for 8.

It just seems like a faff. And dc2 will almost certainly fall asleep in the car en route.

She said, oh it's Friday night, they can stay up a bit late!

But both my dcs are usually asleep by 8pm on a school night, even Friday, cos they are so tired after their day at school.

AIBU to politely decline?

She is a lovely friend.

OP posts:
flipchart · 24/09/2013 15:00

Well if you are not up for it this Friday what is the problem?

I don't see how you expect MN to know if you are tired or not after work.

Most people would say something like ' mate, Friday evenings are not great for me, what other time can we do?'

Not have a load of angst on the net!

Bowlersarm · 24/09/2013 15:07

You've changed what you are saying..

Your OP was all about how unfair it is to keep the children up and are you being precious.

The last post was how you are tired after a working week on a Friday night and just won't fancy it, yourself.

Two different things.

First posting - YABU

Last posting - YANBU

Like flipchart said just say no to Friday evenings and arrange a more suitable time for you.

Groovee · 24/09/2013 15:28

Well decline the invite.

lynniep · 24/09/2013 15:48

You know your children.

I'd say no in my circumstances. Which are that none of us get home till 6pm on a Friday, and the kids (3 and 6) are exhausted - I wouldn't dream of taking them out again at 8pm after they'd wound down.

However, if the invite was for 6pm on a Friday, I'd do it. I'd take them straight there and let them stay till about 9.30 unless they played up too much. My kids would not sleep at someone elses house whilst there was 'stuff' going on. Wouldn't happen.

I would expect merry hell the next day too :)

hettienne · 24/09/2013 15:50

I don't understand the point of this either. "Should I go out? I am tired and don't really want to". Surely that's a question you can answer yourself?

McNewPants2013 · 24/09/2013 15:52

I would go and have a lazy Saturday.

McNewPants2013 · 24/09/2013 15:54

Plus I would ask my husband if he could go on a head and I would meet up later

teenagetantrums · 24/09/2013 15:54

When mine were that age I would have gone and used to, but normally the children were all put to bed together at some stage and had a sleep over. wouldn't want to be dragging kids home again later.

Original poster
Greythorne · 24/09/2013 16:37

I think I was mentally planning my excuse (children will be too tired) and wanted to gauge whether that was unreasonable or not.

Having posted, I now feel like I really don't want to go!

At least I have it clear now!

Did not mean to drip feed or change story. Kids would survive a late night. Not sure I will though.

OP posts:
thebody · 24/09/2013 19:17

lot of peppery comments to you op.

have some posters been up past their bed times this week already? Grin

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 24/09/2013 19:28

YANBU I presume your 4yo has just started school. Mine has and is massively tired (6pm bedtimes for the last week).

That will be a really late night if you are meeting at 8pm especially if you factor in travel time as well.

bababababoom · 24/09/2013 21:07

Mine are 6 and 4, and just wouldn't cope with that late a night - nobody would have a good time. I don't have anyone to babysit so if it was a whole family invitation we'd have to decline.

SunMoonStarship · 24/09/2013 21:51

We once let DS (age 3 at the time) stay up late to watch fireworks (10pm). He was an angel. We had a great time. However...the day after was AWFUL!!! He woke at the same time he usually does 7am and was grumpy and tantrummy the whole day. I felt guilty and grumpy and we haven't done it ever again!!

OP I'm with you! YADNBU!!!

Oblomov · 24/09/2013 22:13

Mine cope fine with an occasional late night. You sound very inflexible.
Now you are saying that it is you who us tired.
I don't think you value her as a friend. You clearly just can't be bothered.
Atleast have the courage to tell her.

TigOldBitties · 24/09/2013 22:26

Kellyelly, I'm well aware one of the children is four. I still don't think its that late.

All of my five DC and now my grandson would have been happy, and have regularly done so in the past with going out at that time. Take them for an evening out and all of them would be full of beans for hours past 8pm. They would possibly sleep a little bit later after a particularly late night but tbh I appreciate the lie in.

My six year old currently goes to bed between 10 and 11pm, she still wake up around 6:00 and spends the day like a Duracell bunny. Grandson (4) is similar, he stays at mine every Friday and stays up late or comes out and has a great time. No trouble the next day. In my eyes 8pm is late for 2 and under. I don't know how people get to go out or socialise if 8pm is too late for school age children.

KellyElly · 25/09/2013 09:59

I don't know how people get to go out or socialise if 8pm is too late for school age children. Four isn't school age it's nursery age and most children of that age need around 12 hours sleep - any sleep books/child sleep experts will tell you that. Also, people socialise by getting a babysitter. A lot of children do get overtired, just because the ones in your family don't doesn't make it the norm.

My six year old currently goes to bed between 10 and 11pm, she still wake up around 6:00 and spends the day like a Duracell bunny. I think you will find she is in the minority there as I don't know ANY six year olds that go to bed that late regularly. If that's on a school night as well then I think you will find that a very unusual bedtime to most parents of children that age.

expatinscotland · 25/09/2013 10:02

Too late. I wouldn't go.

Tavv · 25/09/2013 10:13

I don't know how people get to go out or socialise if 8pm is too late for school age children.

You can meet up at weekends in the daytime, in the holidays, or get a babysitter.

Oriunda · 25/09/2013 10:36

Love the way people assume going to bed late means they will sleep in! DS goes to bed @7pm usually and wakes @6. When we are in DH's country kids go to bed a lot later and even if DS goes to bed @930pm he will still wake @6! He doesn't catch up the sleep, just loses it and gets grumpy.

For a special occasion yes but for a get together I would do a lunchtime. Your kids will be tired when they arrive, then get over excited playing with the other kids, then get overtired and grumpy.

KellyElly · 25/09/2013 10:50

You can meet up at weekends in the daytime That's exactly what I do as I can't afford a babysitter and no grumpy child to deal with the next day.

BumbleChum · 25/09/2013 10:54

I wouldn't do it, my kids would be shattered and wouldn't enjoy it. They are 6, 4 and 2. They wouldn't sleep late the next day either, they have very regular body-clocks and would be up at 6am but grumpy and miserable.

You know your kids best, if it doesn't work for you, don't do it.

choceyes · 25/09/2013 11:08

I wouldn't do it with my nearly 5yr old and 3yr old. Both of them are alseep around 7pm.
I wouldn't even dream of taking them both to a friends house at 8pm and staying late. Both of them will be very tired, 3yr old (who's just given up her nap so going to bed early) would be whiny and clingy. The nearly 5yr old would be naughty and unmanagable, which is how he is when he is tired. I wouldn't be able to enjoy myself at all.
The next day they will both wake up at the same time as usual and would be tired, grumpy, miserable and tantrummy throughout the day.
Not worth it!!
If they could have a nap earlier in the day, late afternoonish then staying up late is fine (like they do in some other countries). Mine fall asleep on the train if we are travelling to visit my parents and then they stay up later that night. Even then they are a bit grumpy the next day. Mine seem to need a 12hr stretch of sleep everynight to feel refreshed.

expatinscotland · 25/09/2013 12:35

My 4-year-old would be beyond grumpy and awful.

PeppiNephrine · 25/09/2013 13:03

I don't understand threads like this, and its one of several today. Someone invites you to something and it doesn't suit you, for timing or whatever reason. Surely you just say no thank you? But on here it turns into: whats wrong with these people that they are asking this? Aren't they weird?
It's like if someone gives you a vanilla cake and you start asking people: why did they give me this? I like chocolate cake.

It seems to be a lack of understanding that other people do things differently to you, and that their way is no less valid than yours.

Bowlersarm · 25/09/2013 14:36

Agree peppi.

Also, people are still piling in and replying to the opening post, without reading the ops last post which explains her position much more clearly.