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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think turning up early is just as rude as being late ?

63 replies

Primadonnagirl · 22/09/2013 19:58

My PIL do this all the time...and it drives me up the wall! So today we said come at a certain time and they turned up twenty minutes early ...we were still getting dressed ( not cos we'd just got up but cos we'd both just been to the gym) ...so they had cats bum faces cos we weren't ready and they clearly thought we were just lazing around....why why do they do this?!

OP posts:
pozzled · 22/09/2013 20:00

Yanbu, but it does depend how far away people live. E.g. three hour journey, but traffic is good so arrive 20 min early- fine. Live just around the corner and just decide to arrive 20 min early- rude.

SilverApples · 22/09/2013 20:00

People who are early annoy and disrupt me far more than people that are an hour late, even if they are polite and lovely and bearing wine.
If they were snarky, I'd leave them on the doorstep.

AllTwerkNoPlay · 22/09/2013 20:01

Yes! I come from a family where you'd queue on the flat stairs, drive around the block a billion times and obsessively check your watch and ALWAYS arrive on the dot. I'm not like that but I think arriving early when presumably the hosts aren't properly ready yet is rude.

For DD's dad's family, I know to tell them a time approximate 1hr15mins or so AFTER the time I want. They a,ways arrive way too early.Angry

sonlypuppyfat · 22/09/2013 20:01

Nothing wrong with being early wish my mates were!

ChoudeBruxelles · 22/09/2013 20:02

My pil do that too - drives me mad. They will sometimes arrive up to a hour early so I'm in the middle things - then expect me to drop whatever I'm doing and make them a cuppa

Sirzy · 22/09/2013 20:03

how far away do they live?

cardibach · 22/09/2013 20:05

I don't think it is rude as such (while lateness definitely is) - it is annoying though. Although I am always ready early anyway, so not an issue for me.

CustardOmlet · 22/09/2013 20:06

I don't mind people being early (far better than them being late and diner/reservations ruined) but I would be pissed off it they gave me cats arse faces, they can entertain themselves until I'm ready.

HildaOgden · 22/09/2013 20:07

Seriously?

You really need to ask yourself why you are being so precious over 20 minutes...they are family,you knew they were coming,don't get your knickers in a twist.All you had to do was say'oh,you're a bit early,we'll be ready soon' and leave them to it.

Honestly,you really don't need to be a Time Nazi when you're dealing with people in your personal life.In the grand scheme of things,being pedantic over stuff like that just causes you totally unnecessary stress.

However,if you still think you're right,then make sure to sychronise your watches the next time.Nothing like tightly scheduled appointments to make a family occasion happier Hmm

FreeWee · 22/09/2013 20:08

My mum does this so I just plan for it. Having said that she's surprised me with being 45 minutes early and even a few minutes late once!

SilveryMoon · 22/09/2013 20:08

I'd much prefer people to be early than late. But they'd have to accept that they might have to then wait around a bit

claraschu · 22/09/2013 20:09

I think that with family I wouldn't want to be so formal! I wouldn't mind if my parents, sibling, or children showed up early, or even unannounced. They wouldn't expect me to be "ready" for them, or to entertain them.

BlueGoddess · 22/09/2013 20:09

Oh I'm with you, particularly after the Christmas I was happily peeling sprouts in my pj's and FIL turned up two hours early with his friend (who I had never met but had invited as I knew they would otherwise be by themselves!) Confused

DipMeInChocolate · 22/09/2013 20:10

My PIL do this all time too! At least 30mins. I can't complain cos they so very nicely look after DD when I go to work. I leave at 7.45 but they usually arrive before 7. Mornings are mental enough around here.

Original poster
Primadonnagirl · 22/09/2013 20:11

They live a good hour away so I do understand they can't necessarily arrive on time ..but believe me 20 minutes early was LATE for them today...and it's not so much the turning up early that bothers me its all the dtheatrical sighing that gies on because we are not ready the exact minute of their arrival. When we go to theirs if we are early we dawdle until we turn up on time...

OP posts:
TheBookofRuth · 22/09/2013 20:13

Yes! I'm always saying this! If you say you'll be round at 10, I will be ready at 10. If you come at five to, I'm likely to be finishing my make up, or doing the last minute tidy up, or something - the point is I have planned for those five minutes and I need them, damn it!

Being early says, just as clearly as being late does, that you think your time is more important than mine, and therefore it's equally rude.

AaDB · 22/09/2013 20:13

Yanbu. 20 mins early they should be willing to pitch in and get themselves (and you) a drink. Huffy attitudes are not welcome.

dementedma · 22/09/2013 20:13

Early isn't as rude as late
I am early for every business meeting I go to but sit in the car until nearer the appointed time. Late just inconveniences everyone. Early birds know they are early and can be justifiably left to cool their heels.

Sirzy · 22/09/2013 20:13

If they live over an hour away then YABU.

If you know they will be early then why not tell them to turn up later than you expect them to (so if you will be ready for 11 tell them 12) or just be ready for them to be early?

CharityFunDay · 22/09/2013 20:16

Turning up early is fine.

Turning up early and expecting other people to be ready at the same time is not.

YABslightlyU but that's because you've had an unfortunate experience with self-centred people.

If I turn up early somewhere, which I should add seldom happens, I read the paper/have a fag/stretch my legs/have a pint/whatever until the appointed time.

londonrach · 22/09/2013 20:16

Simple answer.....no. Being late is rude.

mamapants · 22/09/2013 20:25

Being early isn't as rude as being late. That's just silly.

mamapants · 22/09/2013 20:27

Plus I'd be mortified at the thought of family parked up round the corner for 20mins so as not to be early.

LittlePicnic · 22/09/2013 20:31

I am rarely early; usually late. I would never have thought being early would be a problem or seen as rude. Incredible what you can learn on here.

Original poster
Primadonnagirl · 22/09/2013 20:37

I can deal with early...it's just the huffiness about being kept "waiting " that I can't stand ... Like today we got " oh! We didn't realise you wouldnt be ready for us!" No because we thought we had another twenty Minutes yet!!!

OP posts: