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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think turning up early is just as rude as being late ?

63 replies

Primadonnagirl · 22/09/2013 19:58

My PIL do this all the time...and it drives me up the wall! So today we said come at a certain time and they turned up twenty minutes early ...we were still getting dressed ( not cos we'd just got up but cos we'd both just been to the gym) ...so they had cats bum faces cos we weren't ready and they clearly thought we were just lazing around....why why do they do this?!

OP posts:
SilverApples · 22/09/2013 20:39

Oh, if people are early and just slump on the sofa, shouting cheerful comments up the stairs and helping themselves to biscuits, that's fine.
Last time they weeded a bit of the garden whilst waiting, and made their own coffee.
But that's not what the OP described.

Rollergirl1 · 22/09/2013 20:39

How funny, I was going to write a post about the exact same thing. My Mum always does this and it drives me bonkers. Last week her and her partner were coming over to ours to babysit for us, which we were very grateful for. She said that she would be with us about 5.00. Instead they turned up about 2.30, so 2 1/2 hours early! I was at Tesco doing the weekly shop and DH called me to say "they're here already!" I hadn't changed the sheets on the bed in the room that they were staying in and was generally just un-prepared. They were doing us a favour by baby-sitting but did feel a bit peed off that I was put in a position of being obviously unprepared for their arrival.

TheBookofRuth · 22/09/2013 22:22

Can those of you who say being early isn't rude explain why? You are still imposing on my time. I see that as rude.

pumpkinsweetie · 22/09/2013 22:27

Imo early is always better than late!

Alisvolatpropiis · 22/09/2013 22:28

I think anything more than 10 minutes early is rude when meeting in a public place.

At a house? 20 minutes is definitely rude.

morethanpotatoprints · 22/09/2013 22:29

YABU

Some people like me have worked hard at not being late, it may seem easy to some to be on time, but a spld can make it difficult.
I am so proud of this little achievement, but the only way I manage to not be late is being 10 mins early.
My problem now is not being able to understand why people without an spld can manage to be 10 mins late Grin.

Flossie82 · 22/09/2013 22:35

I think being early is definitely worse than being late. Catches the host unawares and not ready. Also, easier to fix than running late - just hand about before arriving! So no excuse for it.

I wouldn't mind family being early as I don't really care what state they find us in, but then arrival times with family are usually more vague so 20 mins early wouldn't exist!

Ali - in a public place is different and late worse then, as you are left waiting fir them but if early it doesn't affect you?

HildaOgden · 22/09/2013 22:42

'Can those of you who say being early isn't rude explain why? You are still imposing on my time. I see that as rude.'

It's family,not a fecking work appointment that makes you clock in early.'Imposing on my time'?......wow,that sounds so high and mighty to me:it really,really does.

A family visit really shouldn't involve syncronising watches,it really shouldn't.Although if that really is your view,be prepared for your own children to hold it against you in your older years if you dare to mis-judge your appointments with them.

Don't sweat the small stuff.A few minutes off-schedule in a family situation is not the end of the world.

TheBookofRuth · 22/09/2013 22:46

I'm not talking about family, I am not the OP. The chances of my family ever giving a time to be early/late for are slim to non-existent! But generally, if you say you're going to be somewhere for a certain time, be there at that time. Not early. Not late - barring unavoidable incidents. On time.

FishfingersAreOK · 22/09/2013 22:51

My Uncle came to stay with me to meet my then DP. He arrived 45 minutes early - I was just home from work. I had planned to do last minute tidying and a clean of the bathroom before he arrived.

Everything was lovely for his visit. I managed to squeeze in a quick whizz round the bathroom.

The day after he left he phoned my DMother and botched and moaned at her that he had not felt welcome because the bathroom was not spotless and he found dust on top of the bathroom cupboard Hmm.
DM told him (politely first) to get a grip. I tried to speak to him. DP tried. Uncle would not hear anything - just kept on that the house should have been ready. He was vile to us all. (He had form for it - had done a similar thing to my mum 25 years before) We uninvited him from our wedding. None of us have spoken to him since as he was so vile. He has never met my DCs. I loved him so much. Sad

So still, 11 years on I still get very anxious if we ever get guests. I hate it if anyone is early. I would never, ever, ever be early to someone else's house.

It is rude. It is thoughtless.

FishfingersAreOK · 22/09/2013 22:52

*bitched. Though that isn't really a strong enough word for the mad vitriol that came out of his mouth. About a bathroom FFS

MsVestibule · 22/09/2013 22:55

I don't think it's necessarily rude for family to arrive early, but not if they then make huffy comments. I'd be making huffy 'we would have been ready if you'd arrived at the time we agreed!' comments right back at them.

OP, YANBU!

FreeWee · 22/09/2013 22:58

I make my parents a drink then tell them I'm off upstairs to finish getting ready. By the time I'm done all my flowers have been deadheaded (Dad) and all my drying clothes that are dry have been folded and put in the laundry basket (Mum). Can't argue with that! Give them tasks if they don't offer Grin

Buttercup4 · 22/09/2013 23:03

YANBU! I cannot stand it if someone turns up especially early (I'm still Shock at the 2hr30m mentioned earlier) I don't keep my house pristine so it would be really embarrassing if someone turned up especially early as I wouldn't have finished tidying up.

flatmum · 22/09/2013 23:05

YANBU I hate this it is so rude. If I ever arrive somewhere more than 5/10 minutes early I would park up the road and read the paper or go and get a coffee

Minshu · 22/09/2013 23:20

I had friends who always did this. They had destructive children, so getting the house ready was important, and I really resented the imposition. They lived 40 mins drive away and often managed to be around 40 mins early!Confused

NoComet · 22/09/2013 23:23

Far ruder, I'm always cleaning Blush

EverythingInMjiniature · 22/09/2013 23:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IComeFromALandDownUnder · 22/09/2013 23:33

Yanbu. My father always arrives at least an hour early. We have often been out and he has rung saying I am waiting outside. Drives me demented. Yet he does if every single time. One day he called in at 9.00 when he was due for lunch at 1.30. It was the first morning dd1 slept in so myself and DH were fast asleep in bed until the bell went. I was so annoyed but years later he still does it. I find it more rude then being late.

Tavv · 22/09/2013 23:48

YANBU. It's not fair on the hosts to arrive when they might not be ready.

Mojavewonderer · 23/09/2013 07:15

Rather early than late in my book.

Lweji · 23/09/2013 07:21

It's worse when it's delivery or workmen arriving early! Shock

I've had people wait outside my door, because I was actually still commuting home, so couldn't possibly have been there earlier.
If I book it for 6pm, it's 6pm, not 5:40, fgs.

My dad tends to arrive earlier too.

I once had a friend arrive 1 hour earlier for a party, but it was the day after a clock change. She hadn't realised. Grin

gazzalw · 23/09/2013 07:24

This fits in with the other thread about cultural norms for turning up for dinner/parties etc.....

I always thought that in the UK it is perceived etiquette to arrive a few minutes after the designated time... that is certainly what I was taught by my etiquette-driven parents but the times they are a changing....

I think though that if your PILs do it all the time you may just have to adjust yourselves to being ready half an hour earlier than you might otherwise like!

HorryIsUpduffed · 23/09/2013 07:27

I don't think it's as rude as being late, but it is a bit rude.

A text saying "we're a bit early so we will just nip to the shops if there's anything you need" gives the host the chance to reply "don't be daft, come straight round so long as you don't mind my hoovering round you" or "oh actually another pint of milk would save us a job, thanks!".

Someone did this to me last week. I was hoovering and hadn't emptied the bathroom bin. I threw the Hoover in the cupboard and hoped they wouldn't want a wee before I did.

starsandunicorns · 23/09/2013 07:32

Im always early I get panicy in I feel I wont get there on time always beem like this I get the earlier bus or train and always leave min 30 min early if traveling

I am happy to sit in the car around the corner of family friends houses till the right time