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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think there's nothing wrong with marrying the only man you've ever had sex with?

131 replies

MoveYourArmsLikeHenry · 21/09/2013 23:16

I'm 25 and married and have only ever had sex with my DH. Some of my friends think this is weird and one even remarked that she felt sorry for me as I have not had much "variety" Hmm

I didn't think it was sad or weird and im very happy with my DH. Probably just my autism rearing its head but she made a joke about it with another friend in front of me and seemed to brag that she had slept with atleast 10 people and I felt a bit pathetic about only sleeping with one person.

Don't even know why she brought the conversation up but wish she hadnt. I felt embarrassed and our other friend could see how upset I was and said "guess we know who the bike of the group is". This made me laugh.

But really what wrong with only sleeping with one person?

OP posts:
LoganMummy · 21/09/2013 23:18

Of course there is nothing wrong with that!

I'm very old fashioned in some of my beliefs but I've only ever slept with people I've loved.

lougle · 21/09/2013 23:19

Don't worry about it. I married a man I hadn't even slept with Wink

If you love your DH and he loves you, who cares that you didn't sleep with someone who you didn't love?

Original poster
MoveYourArmsLikeHenry · 21/09/2013 23:20

Thanks logan that's the way I feel about it too.

OP posts:
Fairylea · 21/09/2013 23:21

Ignore her. Maybe she feels bad about some of the people she's slept with and is trying to justify it to herself.

Personally I've slept with 8 people. Only half of them proper relationships, the other half were short termers... I really don't think peoples sexual habits matter as long as its not hurting anyone and done safely!

WafflyVersatile · 21/09/2013 23:24

It's probably quite unusual these days but there is certainly nothing wrong with it.

You've found a life partner and that's worth a lot more than a bit of variety.

LoopThePoop · 21/09/2013 23:24

Yep, I was you.
Met DH at 15 married at 26.
3 kids later and I'm 35 and wish to Christ both of us would have done MORE . We both agree we should have but it's a bit late now..

Driz · 21/09/2013 23:25

Nothing.
But equally what is wrong with sleeping with loads of different people?
You seem to be judging her as much as she is judging you

Lj8893 · 21/09/2013 23:27

Nothing wrong with it at all.
But there's nothing wrong with sleeping with lots of people before settling down either.
Each to their own I say Smile

One of my best friends got married at 19 and her DH is the only man she has slept with.
I (although not married but may as well be!!) have slept with errmmm "a few" people before I met my partner.

Can't really say either mine or my friends relationship is stronger than the other so I don't think it makes a difference.

WafflyVersatile · 21/09/2013 23:27

No she isn't. She didn't say there was anything wrong with it. Their mutual friend made a joke because her other friend was being a bit mean and making her feel embarrassed. The joke broke the tension and probably changed the subject.

elQuintoConyo · 21/09/2013 23:28

Nothing wrong with that, [MoveYourArmsLikeHenry] . DH and I have only ever slept with each other - that's just how life works sometimes Thanks

I would say, though, that a 'friend' who publicly took the piss like yours did, wouldn't be a friend of mine for long. Sadly, making a comment about being a bicycle ain't any prettier Hmm

Original poster
MoveYourArmsLikeHenry · 21/09/2013 23:31

Before anybody else starts I didn't say there was anything wrong with sleeping with lots of people. I didn't make the joke, my other friend did, and she only did so to make me feel less embarrassed about only having one sexual partner. The first friend made fun of me for sleeping with one person, and that's the issue here.

OP posts:
Original poster
MoveYourArmsLikeHenry · 21/09/2013 23:33

Thanks for the replies. And yes, each to their own Smile

OP posts:
Dysgu · 21/09/2013 23:36

I married the (at the time) only man I had slept with but he had slept with other people. The marriage lasted 7 years, no kids and we divorced. We are both happier now...

My parents have only ever slept with each other (DON'T ask me how i know this but I do - from my dad Hmm ) and they celebrate 45 years next week.

I don't think it is that common these days to marry your first/only sexual partner although then again, it may be that many people don't discuss it. I don't think it matters either way TBH although I do agree that with a friend like this, you might want to think more carefully about what you do discuss if she uses it to laugh at you and make you feel 'odd'.

Xmasbaby11 · 21/09/2013 23:39

You're very lucky. I slept with 7 men before meeting DH at 30. But I was always lonely and the sex wasn't always good!

TiggyD · 21/09/2013 23:39

But you can't have sexual relations with somebody before you're married. It's naughty and makes the baby Jesus cry.

Original poster
MoveYourArmsLikeHenry · 21/09/2013 23:42

tiggy you sound like my health care teacher at school. She actually used to tell us that Grin Grin

OP posts:
foxy6 · 21/09/2013 23:43

my dh is the only man I have ever slept with. I just think we're the lucky ones to of found our dh's early. I was 17 when we met and that was nearly 20 ago. I don't feel I've missed out dh satisfies me I don't need anyone else

Original poster
MoveYourArmsLikeHenry · 21/09/2013 23:44

xmasbaby you think I'm lucky for marrying my one and only sexual partner? Thanks Grin

OP posts:
TiggyD · 21/09/2013 23:47

I've not had 'goings on' with more than 2 people at a time.

blueshoes · 21/09/2013 23:49

There is nothing wrong but variety and novelty are fun in themselves, it just seems sad to settle down so early.

But I guess you don't know what you miss so it is understandable you are in AIBU.

Original poster
MoveYourArmsLikeHenry · 21/09/2013 23:50

tiggy would IBU to say I really like you already? Grin

OP posts:
TiggyD · 21/09/2013 23:51

Feel free, and congrats on finding somebody. I've given up on love.

Original poster
MoveYourArmsLikeHenry · 21/09/2013 23:55

That's when love finds you. When you stop looking. Apparently.

OP posts:
TheBigJessie · 21/09/2013 23:57

There is nothing wrong with any number of partners, as long as all sex was consensual, responsible, respectful and honest.

People who initiate mockery of others for having a different number of partners are insecure and stupid/lacking insight. Your friend was nasty to you about something pretty meaningless. It says nothing about you, but a great deal about how she's worried about whether she believes there's a moral value to numbers alone.

Don't worry about it. I mean, would it be logical to meet someone, fall in love with them, and then dump them, so you could shag more people before you got married? Or cheat during the hen night? That's how absurd her sneer at you was!

Original poster
MoveYourArmsLikeHenry · 21/09/2013 23:59

Thank you jessie your post makes a lot of sense. Be it 1 or 100 partners, nobody should be judged

OP posts: