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AIBU?

To think there's nothing wrong with marrying the only man you've ever had sex with?

131 replies

MoveYourArmsLikeHenry · 21/09/2013 23:16

I'm 25 and married and have only ever had sex with my DH. Some of my friends think this is weird and one even remarked that she felt sorry for me as I have not had much "variety"

I didn't think it was sad or weird and im very happy with my DH. Probably just my autism rearing its head but she made a joke about it with another friend in front of me and seemed to brag that she had slept with atleast 10 people and I felt a bit pathetic about only sleeping with one person.

Don't even know why she brought the conversation up but wish she hadnt. I felt embarrassed and our other friend could see how upset I was and said "guess we know who the bike of the group is". This made me laugh.

But really what wrong with only sleeping with one person?

OP posts:

Report

Driz · 22/09/2013 05:45

But why did you laugh at your friend making derogatory remarks about your other friend?
There is NOTHING wrong with your choices and there is NOTHING wrong with hers. So why are you judging/ laughing at each other?

ILoveAFullFridge · 22/09/2013 06:42

The OP laughed because she felt uncomfortable and doubted herself, then her friend broke the tension with a statement that put a different perspective on things.

What, is she meant to be perfect or saintly?!

Driz · 22/09/2013 06:45

No, not at all. But why laugh?

Jeremiad · 22/09/2013 06:46

There's nothing wrong with only sleeping with one person for your whole life as long as the sex is devastatingly good.

Because it would be a great shame to miss out on that.

firesidechat · 22/09/2013 07:21

Don't worry about it. I married a man I hadn't even slept with wink

If you love your DH and he loves you, who cares that you didn't sleep with someone who you didn't love?

Me too lougle.

Both my husband and I have only slept with each other and have been married for almost 30 years. I know that this sounds quaintly old fashioned now, but I love the fact that it has always been just "us".

OP it worked for us and looks like it works for you too, so ignore your friends. It's not their life is it? They can do what they want and so should you. Why does it concern them so much?

lisylisylou · 22/09/2013 07:36

Yanbu, your sexlife is your own business and your friends sound as though they belong in school. Just enjoy yourselves and stuff other people who shouldn't be talking about your sex life in the first place! Now I have kids, business etc - my Dh gives me that all knowing look every night and I am seriously knackered so I have found a new way to beat him off grow armpit hair and leg hair! The beauty of that is that if I do want it I shave it all off - everyone's a winner haha

MrsWolowitz · 22/09/2013 07:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fl85 · 22/09/2013 07:43

It probably is unusual these days but certainly nothing wrong with it.

Personally I have slept with quite a few others apart from my DH.

One of my sisters has only ever been with her DH and she is really happy.

Who cares as long as everyone is happy :-)

bearleftmonkeyright · 22/09/2013 08:08

In this day and age do people still find this lovely? What does it matter? I don't care about anyone else's sex life but my own. I have been with dp a long time but if I had.met him recently I doubt I would have been "saving myself". I would have been the bike as your friend so charmingly put it.

Driz · 22/09/2013 08:21

I don't think many people would find it 'lovely'. Personally I would hate an inexperienced lover

MissDuke · 22/09/2013 08:30

My husband and I have only ever had sex with each other :-) We have always felt that it makes it more special for us. However it is a very personal thing, I don't expect anyone else to understand so I just don't talk about it with my friends. My friends don't know how many partners I have had and vice versa - it wouldn't even enter my head to ask them!

LEMisdisappointed · 22/09/2013 08:37

Driz 1. That probably reflects more on you and also the op isn't inexperienced she has just gotvher experience with one person.

MoveYourArmsLikeHenry · 22/09/2013 08:42

Why am I getting flamed by some people for laughing at a joke made to try and lighten the mood. No it wasn't that funny but I was very embarrassed and angry at my friend for saying those things, then the other friend piped up, presumably to try and help me, I didn't know what else to do.

Social situations are awkward for me. Maybe it's something you can brush off but its not so easy for me to do.

OP posts:

usuallyright · 22/09/2013 09:01

Driz, I remember sleeping with someone who had the reputation of lothario, ladies man.
He was awful in bed.
Experience does not equal being a good lover.
If anything, someone who's been with the same partner for a very long time, having satisfying, regular sex, is probably better at sex than someone who has lots of partners but also dry spells when they're single.

usuallyright · 22/09/2013 09:03

the more you practise at something, the better you become at it! It's likely you'll have had far more sex in a long term relationship with a one and only, than numerous partners over many years!

Lj8893 · 22/09/2013 09:31

"Why am I getting flamed by some people for laughing at a joke made to try and lighten the mood. No it wasn't that funny but I was very embarrassed and angry at my friend for saying those things, then the other friend piped up, presumably to try and help me, I didn't know what else to do."

Your getting flamed because it wasent a very nice "joke" for your friend to make and shouldn't have been laughed at.
It wasent nice of your friend to joke about your sex life and it wasen nice of your other friend to joke about friend A's sex life either. Calling someone a bike is very mean.

Sounds like both friends arnt particularly nice.

TheBigJessie · 22/09/2013 09:32

You lot up there.

Person A decided to bring up person B's sex-life and mock person B, in front of other people.

I frankly think person A deserved to get it turned round on her by the audience. Person B, our OP, was so upset by the whole thing, that she had to make a thread on Mumsnet for reassurance. No double-standards here- it's not okay to make fun of people for having less partners than you.

Do you have any useful advice on how she should handle any similar situations, instead of criticising the OP for giggling when the woman who was humiliating her got her joke turned around on her by another friend? I was thinking books on feminism and female sexuality, so that friend A can throw off the shackles of guilt entirely, instead of trying to cover up misplaced guilt over having sex with superiority.

Henry they are probably flaming you because they have failed to read the OP and are taking the comment as personally directed at everyone's sexual choices.

prudyklimovitsky · 22/09/2013 09:34

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

TheBigJessie · 22/09/2013 09:36

Also, face- it must have been a different Tiggy.

ProudAS · 22/09/2013 09:37

Maybe its an autism thing but I did the same and don't regret it at all.

Lj8893 · 22/09/2013 09:39

I'm not flaming the OP for laughing at what her friend said, I too probably would have laughed uncomfortably.

However I don't think either friend sounds very nice, what friend B should have said instead of the nasty bike comment was something like "oi friend A, your not being very nice, leave it out" rather than calling her a name. 2 wrongs don't make a right after all.

NoComet · 22/09/2013 09:47

I've only ever slept with DH, no great moral thing, we slept together on our first date and had sex on our second

Just the way the world worked out, my previous BF was very shy. I knew I didn't love him and to have made the first move would have been using him.

I'm very old, so there weren't condom machines in every pub. So much as I'd loved a bit of fun with one if the lads back home just before I went to uni. No way was I risking it.

Anyhow, DH and I have been together 25 years, so we must get something right.

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TheBigJessie · 22/09/2013 09:54

Normally, I would agree with you that saying "oi, that's nasty" is far more constructive than more names.

However, I feel differently in this case; perhaps it's my absolute hatred of sneering over bedpost notches, but I think that anyone who engages in it does deserve to have it reflected back. It may not make them realise the whole thing is absurd, but it might make them stop trying to make others feel crap in the future.

In the long-term, I'd give friend A some feminism texts for Christmas, if I could afford it!

Lj8893 · 22/09/2013 09:58

But the OP hasent actually said what friend A said in her mocking. Just that her "bragging" about sleeping with 10 people made her feel a bit pathetic. For all we know, friend A may not have said anything that bad. Being called a bike may not have been deserved.

McNewPants2013 · 22/09/2013 09:59

I have had sex with my husband and nobody else.

I went for years over thinking it until I felt confident in my own sex life.

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