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AIBU?

To think there's nothing wrong with marrying the only man you've ever had sex with?

131 replies

MoveYourArmsLikeHenry · 21/09/2013 23:16

I'm 25 and married and have only ever had sex with my DH. Some of my friends think this is weird and one even remarked that she felt sorry for me as I have not had much "variety"

I didn't think it was sad or weird and im very happy with my DH. Probably just my autism rearing its head but she made a joke about it with another friend in front of me and seemed to brag that she had slept with atleast 10 people and I felt a bit pathetic about only sleeping with one person.

Don't even know why she brought the conversation up but wish she hadnt. I felt embarrassed and our other friend could see how upset I was and said "guess we know who the bike of the group is". This made me laugh.

But really what wrong with only sleeping with one person?

OP posts:

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AdventureTed · 22/09/2013 10:09

You've both got less chance of having STI's.

You can feel more electricity just brushing hands with the one you love than having sex with someone who doesn't mean as much to you (so I'm told!).

PumpkinPositive · 22/09/2013 10:31

It depends. If the sex is out of this world, then of course it makes sense to marry him, whether he's your first or your fortieth. and the relationship is otherwise good too, of course

breatheslowly · 22/09/2013 10:55

DH and I have only ever slept with each other. Not because of any great plan, but because we met young and have stayed together. I really like it and I think DH values it too. My friends don't know as it isn't something I choose to discuss with them, though I would tell them if asked.

makemineamalibuandpineapple · 22/09/2013 11:01

My bf has only ever had sex with me. If we get married, fingers crossed, then I will be his one and only. I would call it unusual rather than strange. Who cares about variety anyway, some men are rubbish!!

QuintessentialShadows · 22/09/2013 11:07

What should be wrong in marrying the only person you have loved?!

Substitute the word sex for love and your scenario is totally different.

Your friend was being a numpty.

VisualiseAHorse · 22/09/2013 11:24

Nothing wrong with it at all, in fact I nearly married the only man I'd ever slept with (but then things went horribly tits up).

I was once called a prude for only having ever slept with three men (I was 26). I replied "we'll I'm sorry, but I don't give my body away for free, and I certainly don't sleep around with any Tom, Dick and Harry regardless of whether they're married or not". She left the conversation very quickly after that. I have no regrets about what I said, don't call me a prude just because you're a slut.

PiddlingWeather · 22/09/2013 11:31

Nobody is a 'slut' for sleeping with a lot of people and nobody should be mocked for sleeping with only one.

Some people like having a variety of sexual partners, some people feel more comfortable with one or two. It is like any sexual preference, it depends on the person involved, what they are comfortable with etc. it doesn't make the opposite choice right or wrong

PumpkinPositive · 22/09/2013 11:33

I was once called a prude for only having ever slept with three men (I was 26). I replied "we'll I'm sorry, but I don't give my body away for free, and I certainly don't sleep around with any Tom, Dick and Harry regardless of whether they're married or not". She left the conversation very quickly after that. I have no regrets about what I said, don't call me a prude just because you're a slut.

Hmmmm. She shouldn't have called you a prude, but your slut comments are a bit off colour. What does "giving your body away for free" mean anyway? Do you think women should charge for it?

All relative anyway. I've known a few people (Catholic upbringing) who'd think sleeping with 3 different men by the age of 26 qualified as pretty slutty behaviour and far from prudish.

BelaLugosisShed · 22/09/2013 11:58

I've been with the only man I've had sex with, for 30 years (and vice-versa) , DD is 23 and has had at least 4 partners (that I know of) , neither is the "right" or "wrong" way, it's just how life works out.
I plan on going to the grave having only ever had DH, that's just who I am, nothing to do with religion or anything else.

squoosh · 22/09/2013 12:06

'don't call me a prude just because you're a slut.'

To be quite frank, you sound like a horrible individual. Did you not have the imagination to express your annoyance without resorting to such equally judgemental name calling?

kali110 · 22/09/2013 12:08

Nothing wrong op you just met your dp first!i wasn't that lucky but im not bothered by it!pretty glad i didnt marry my first lol
Doesn't really matter how many partners your friend has had either. Im quite old fashioned to only dtd with someone i love, but i wasn't lucky to meet my dp first its not always how it goes!
Although my best friend did question the fact she had only ever slept with her dh i told her she was lucky to have met him first.

Nancy66 · 22/09/2013 12:10

Nothing wrong with marrying your first lover, nothing wrong with marrying your one hundred and first.

Whatever works for you.

Justforlaughs · 22/09/2013 12:14

LEMisdisappointed Sun 22-Sep-13 01:17:16

I have slept with more men than I care to remember. I wish that I had only ever slept with dp.

^^ this! (except that I would have missed out on my DS1, but that's a slightly different issue)
I think you are lucky OP, enjoy the fact that you can learn and experiment together, rather than "benefiting" from previous experience.

StackOverflow · 22/09/2013 12:14

Nothing wrong with that - as long as you're both happy with it.

I was the first woman STBXH had ever slept. He was not my first, though. This was an issue in our relationship for many years; for some reason he saw it as me being unfaithful before I had even met him. His incessant curiosity about my previous partners certainly didn't help either.

If both of you are fine, I don't think it's a big deal. Bringing morality into it, on the other hand, ...

Alisvolatpropiis · 22/09/2013 12:14

There's nothing wrong with that at all! A woman I went to school with recently married her boyfriend of 10 years. Only bloke she has ever slept with.

Ignore people who make comments. They wouldn't like it if you made comments about how many people they'd slept with would they?

I don't think it's your autism making you touchy about this, it's the fact it's fucking rude that's making you touchy!

salemsparklys · 22/09/2013 12:18

I have only been with my husband as well x

Alisvolatpropiis · 22/09/2013 12:19

visualise

I think you're very prudish if you think a woman who has slept with a few blokes is a slut. And stuck in the 70's. The 1870's that is.

I haven't slept with many men, that is my choice. how many men my friends or other women have slept with isn't my concern. As long as everybody is happy and healthy why does it matter.

Lj8893 · 22/09/2013 12:20

visualiseahorse you sound delightful.

Slut is a horrible thing to call anybody, much ruder than prude.

Even if someone had slept with 100 people, it wouldn't be fair to call them a slut.

needaholidaynow · 22/09/2013 12:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PumpkinPositive · 22/09/2013 12:26

My DP is always going on about "his past" and how he had sex with loads of women. I do feel like I've missed out.

Why? It could have been shit sex. Lots and lots of shit sex with lots and lots of women.

Lj8893 · 22/09/2013 12:30

I used to have a friend who had only slept with her dp (now DH) i was single at the time and was fairly promiscuous, not overly so but I had slept with several more than 1.
She used to joke around with me and call me a slut, it wasent very nice.

In the end I pointed out that yes I may have slept with lots more than her, but as far as sexual activity and experiences went, she had actually done alot more than me.

Anyway, she's not a friend anymore

needaholidaynow · 22/09/2013 12:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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Editededition · 22/09/2013 12:33

There is nothing at all wrong with it, OP
However I do know of one-man-women who, in their middle age, discover an overwhelming need to find out if the grass might have been greener.............

TheArticFunky · 22/09/2013 13:39

Dh has been my only serious relationship. Old "friends" used to say to me that it would never work because you need to go through a relationship breakdown in order to know what you want/don't want from a partner.

What was I supposed to do? End a relationship that was working just because it was my first serious relationship.

Cravey · 22/09/2013 13:45

Well I did it ! We got together when I was 15 had a babies when I was 18 and got married when I was 30. I'm now 42 and have only ever slept with my husband. I don't feel I'm missing out at all. In fact I'm perfectly happy. I don't see what business itis of anyone's apart from yours to be honest.

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