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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pissed off that another mum has plastered my 6yo DD in make-up

103 replies

itsn0tmeitsyou · 20/09/2013 21:04

So my DD has come home from playing at a friend's house and tells me that whilst there they had a make-up session, with the mum, with the mum's make up, including foundation, lipstick, eyeshadow etc. My dd's face was clean when she got home but I feel that it is my decision to decide when I am ready for my DD to experiment with make-up, not someone else's. 6 is too young imo, and to presume without asking really pisses me off.

AIBU??

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 21/09/2013 13:25

Oh eff off HeySoul Grin Grin

It is interesting thinking about teens wearing it as them testing out their adult identity. If the aim of being a parent is to steer them towards who they're going to be, it's just another part of that (like outrageous clothes/hair/political ideals)

I'm such a cheeky fuck saying no to DD1 wearing make up when I wear it though. She's thankfully not noticed it yet as another chance to weaponize something I've said Grin

PeppiNephrine · 21/09/2013 13:26

And do 6 year old girls really think this is fun? Maybe some, but certainly not all, and in a group situation its just peer pressure, especially when an adult is involved telling them all its fun.
I would have hated it at that age but would have been too shy to say so. There are so many other things to do that would be fun for children that age, why do something so banal like pretty them up with someone elses germ ridden makeup?

namechangesforthehardstuff · 21/09/2013 18:16

Ooooh there are more of us than appeared at first. Hurrah! There might be hope yet...

SirChenjin · 21/09/2013 18:44

Hope for what?

Little girls (or boys) sticking on a bit of make up as part of a mix of activities is hardly the work of the devil.

AgentZigzag · 21/09/2013 19:01

Why did you feel uncomfortable with only a few saying the OP wasn't BU namechanges?

EastFife5Forfar4 · 21/09/2013 19:06

I would not have been happy about it either.
So a yanbu from me! :)

DSJamesHathaway · 21/09/2013 19:13

I agree with you that I think it's too young but then if she came home with her face clean I guess it was fun rather than taking it too seriously.

I have a friend who was proud that her toddler knew blusher went on cheeks and eyeshadow on eyes. She was "embarrassed" for another child at nursery who had put eyeshadow on her cheeks. It made me sad.

Justforlaughs · 21/09/2013 19:13

It would depend on whether it was 2 little girls playing with "mum's make-up bag" or whether mum decided to do a full make-over on a 6 year old, to be honest. As the mother of a DD who is allergic to make-up I would also not have been happy if she had come home with a rash. YANBU

ohmeohmyforgotlogin · 21/09/2013 20:23

Yanbu.

EugenesAxe · 21/09/2013 23:19

No worries itsn0tme - I am fully aware I can't really get an accurate image of anyone from one thing they've written on a forum. I hardly wear anything either, FWIW. I think I was just slightly concerned your viewpoint may become overbearing once she becomes older, and make her resentful or rebellious.

I was actually going to say - could you ask your DD for context including whether she wanted to do this?

carolmillen · 22/09/2013 07:44

I think you just need to let go a bit when DC go round to other people's houses. There will always be things that crop up that you aren't happy with - because people have different ideas on what is the norm. If you can't grin and bear it, stop the playdates.

MaxineQuordlepleen · 22/09/2013 08:00

Parenting is a serious task, no? YANBU, I think that is yuck. Let girls be girls.

Delilahlilah · 22/09/2013 09:10

I don't think you should state as scientific fact that it is sexualisation of the face. I wear make up very rarely, and have always been this lazy way. However, the reasons for wearing it, are usually for important occasions but sometimes I just do it for myself. It is a sweeping generalisation on your part Op. How do you match that with 'natural look' make up? If you want to discourage her from tons of war paint as a teenager, I doubt this will be a successful method. The reasons that I would discourage dd from it are based on the damage that can be done to the skin. My friend always says I am lucky not to need tons of foundation etc, but I believe it is because I have rarely used it. My skin can 'breathe' - this is not scientific fact, but those I know that have worn thick foundation daily for many years have more skin problems than those who haven't. My advice to you OP - when she is much older - encourage pamper evenings with her, and boost her confidence and her skin so that she doesn't feel that she needs lots of make up?

Original poster
itsn0tmeitsyou · 22/09/2013 17:36

Delilah and HeySoulSister - I can state something as scientific fact if it's been systematic described, tested, and proved in decades worth of investigation. I have no idea what you are both talking about. You seem to be confusing your own adult use of make-up as comparable with a 6 yr old's. And further, Delilah, I am absolutely not going to need to 'boost her confidence' in her appearance through pampering sessions - she is beautiful and we tell her so sometimes, but more than that, she is confident in herself (and rightly so) about a HUGE amount more than her appearance, which is absolutely how it should be.

mewmeow I know you're right that there wasn't an attempt to illicit any kind of response, however, it still sends messages (in the way a face paint of a clown, or butterfly or something) about being 'more pretty' which is 'important' which I absolutely object to.

DoubtfulDaphne you are right there are plenty of things she will be/already is exposed to, which are other people's rules and I explain that to her, but to me, this seems to be such an obvious one where some people will object and some won't, that the presumption of not even checking has annoyed me. I think most of you who think it's ok would probably admit that you realise there are other people who wouldn't like it, and therefore it's definitely the kind of thing you should check first.

And thanks everyone for all the opinions (especially the YANBUs Grin Grin Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
itsn0tmeitsyou · 22/09/2013 17:37

*systematically

OP posts:
namechangesforthehardstuff · 22/09/2013 19:13

Agentzigzag because I think this kind of thing is important and I'm always glad to see that others do too.

I find it quite depressing to read people being thoughtful in an OP about the effects of gender stereotyping on their dcs only to be told 'YANBU you need to lighten up, it's only a bit of fun etc.'

LtEveDallas · 22/09/2013 19:25

One of DDs friends wears mascara and lipgloss to school.

She is 8.

Now THAT is something to be Shock about. Grin

To that end, as long as DD isn't wearing it out of the house, then I'm pretty relaxed if she wants to wear it dressing up inside (she has her own make-up thanks to dance shows, and it's all pretty 'loud' over the top colours etc)

TheBreastmilksOnMe · 22/09/2013 19:30

The only thing that would bother me is the fact its unhygienic to share makeup. It makes me feel a bit ick.

JeanBodel · 22/09/2013 19:37

YANBU. I would feel the same as you.

That's not to say I'd necessarily make a fuss about it - or even mention it - to the other mum.

Lovethesea · 22/09/2013 19:57

I wouldn't like it either. I wouldn't say anything but I don't wear makeup, just a moisteriser with suncream in.

For me it is another part of being attractive and focuses on the passive what you look like, not who you are or what you do. I don't like the emphasis girls receive on being decorated rather than being fine as they are.

HeySoulSister · 22/09/2013 23:11

Accept play dates/sleepovers and you lose control ... You should accept that

My dd was filmed in the shower at a sleepover... Police investigation ensued. It was a horrible time, although it's extreme, you just can't ever know what goes on behind closed doors. This was a 'naice' door too

Delilahlilah · 22/09/2013 23:16

Statistics tell you what you want to hear. She came home with a clean face, yet you have an inflammatory title. You do not know she was "plastered" in make up, just that she wore some. I am not saying she needs that boost to validate her, rather that your displayed attitude is likely to have the opposite effect than you desire. However, you clearly want to hear only Yanbu, so keep hearing that op. It will not help long term.

namechangesforthehardstuff · 23/09/2013 11:39

I don't think the OP's demonstrated that she only wants to hear YANBU'. Quite the opposite if you look back at her posts.

What you've posted there says more about your fixed views than hers...

IceCreamForCrow · 23/09/2013 11:41

Playing with the makeup wouldn't worry me in itself. The hygiene factor of using someone else's makeup would though.

SmokedMackerel · 23/09/2013 12:06

I would just view it as fun dressing up at that age, and I wouldn't mind at all - better that it was under the mum's supervision!

And I'm someone who has got to 36 without having ever applied any make-up.

If my dd (same age) is going to be interested in make up, I'd much rather she see it as something fun and frivolous than something illicit and aspirational.

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