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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pissed off that another mum has plastered my 6yo DD in make-up

103 replies

itsn0tmeitsyou · 20/09/2013 21:04

So my DD has come home from playing at a friend's house and tells me that whilst there they had a make-up session, with the mum, with the mum's make up, including foundation, lipstick, eyeshadow etc. My dd's face was clean when she got home but I feel that it is my decision to decide when I am ready for my DD to experiment with make-up, not someone else's. 6 is too young imo, and to presume without asking really pisses me off.

AIBU??

OP posts:
namechangesforthehardstuff · 20/09/2013 22:45

I don't think YABU at all. But you know we're in the minority on this one Smile

AgentZigzag · 20/09/2013 22:47

I'm just watching 12 YO DD1 banana skid her way to independence, and it is scary having to choose which bits are acceptable and which inappropriate when they ask.

I don't fucking know! Grin

Especially when they're grey areas, easy to say no make up at school, but when you realise what they could be doing (drugs/drink/lads), a bit of lip gloss doesn't seem so important.

pigletmania · 20/09/2013 22:51

Yabvvvvu, she is 6, and tey were playing not going out like that! Did you not ever want to copy your mum as a child! It's just like face paint

ouryve · 20/09/2013 22:53

YANBU. I've spoken to other mus of girls who have been pissed off by this. One has a daughter with lots of allergies, which could easily have been triggered by a face full of make up (of whatever provenance). That's before the style of the make up was even considered.

Original poster
itsn0tmeitsyou · 20/09/2013 22:55

people keep saying 'she is 6' like it's really old and totally age appropriate! She's virtually one of the youngest at primary school! That's not old!!!

Yes piglet I did, but I was older than 6, and I secretly sneaked about as I knew it was grown-up stuff. I did not sit and have a make-up session as though it was all totally normal!

Have just been looking at the GTA thread though so I can see that this is relatively minor compared to her perhaps playing that round her friend's house... Confused

OP posts:
HeySoulSister · 20/09/2013 23:00

Lol at red lipstick sexualising the face! There are loads if other shades....

My make up collection doesn't have red lipstick.

Wait til she's a teen, she's gonna have fun with you op!

Original poster
itsn0tmeitsyou · 20/09/2013 23:00

Agent at the moment, I am intending to be a realistic mum of teens. I can still remember how I felt in the dim distant late eightiesearly nineties and I am fully aware that by 12 there's a lot of sinful thinking going on. But I am looking at it from a long way back so perhaps as it gets nearer I will totally freak out and become psychomum.

I don't bloody know either. Where's my wine gone

OP posts:
Original poster
itsn0tmeitsyou · 20/09/2013 23:01

HeySoulSister there is masses of research into it going back decades so it's not really a point of agreeing or not agreeing. It's scientific fact.

OP posts:
HeySoulSister · 21/09/2013 09:30

Lol at 'scientific fact'

Where did the funding for that come from then? Assuming it was properly funded in the first place?? And this was done decades ago eh? Hmm

Come on then, show us these facts...

londonmum14 · 21/09/2013 09:42

I think YANBU OP. Your DD might have had allergies. Did the mum check with her before they did it?

mrsjay · 21/09/2013 10:18

people saying she is 6 means that she is 6 it was only a bit of fun not she is 6 let her wear make up iyswim,

cherrytomato40 · 21/09/2013 10:29

It wouldn't bother me- my DDs are fascinated by me putting make up on (even though like you I just do the bare minimum of foundation, mascara and a little bit of blusher sometimes). I occasionally give them a little sweep of my blusher brush if they ask for it or a bit of lip gloss- it's just because they like copying mummy that's all, in the same way they like clomping around in daddy's big shoes!

I would never waste my clinique foundation on them though...

Saffyz · 21/09/2013 10:31

YANBU

charleybarley · 21/09/2013 10:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RevoltingPeasant · 21/09/2013 11:04

OP we had a story when we were little - wish I could remember the name! - about a cat who watches her mistress file and paint her nails, put on perfume, etc. She waits till the mistress swans out the door and then copies her, filing away her sharp claws, painting them pink, dabbing on perfume....

Then when she goes outside, she can't hunt because all the animals can smell her coming, and when she gets chased by the nasty tomcat next door, her blunt claws won't let her climb a tree to get away.

I loved that story because it's all about how impractical female fashion is. I do wear make-up almost every day now but at that age, I just remember reading that story with my mum and thinking how long it took a grown-up lady to get ready, and how boring that must be.

AgentZigzag · 21/09/2013 11:48

I only went to have a quick look at whether there was any recent research and got sucked in Grin

For HeySoul, from 2011/2012,

Cosmetics exaggerate facial stimuli cues to sexual dimorphism (what makes the female form attractive and different to the male form).

Women wear it to appear sexually attractive.

For teenage girls it's a ritual critical to the rite of passage to adulthood.

I'm not so sad that I actually read the papers Grin and aside from all the evaluation blah blah of the methods and that, there's some interesting stuff about cosmetics and teenage girls.

Minty82 · 21/09/2013 12:04

I'd be pretty pissed off about this, you're not the only one OP! It just seems all of a piece with little girls having birthday parties at nail bars etc - hooking them into a pervasive focus on appearances way too young. Especially if she actually put foundation on them! - a tiny bit of lipstick to try I could understand, but foundation seems pretty extreme.

Mind you, my mum tried to put lipstick on DD a couple of months ago because she'd got it out of my bag and was playing with it. She was 16 months!! Think my mum was a bit taken aback that I stopped her...

mewmeow · 21/09/2013 12:05

Yabu, as others have pointed out.
The thing is it is not sexualising the face in the context in which it was done, imo the fun was in actually having it done and putting it on rather than the finished result of what they look like. If they got made up like this for a school disco or meal out it would be a totally different scenario. But in a home environment it's completely innocent fun, not designed to illicit the responses you mention in a previous post.
I always pretend to put make up on my 3 year olds face when she asks me because she thinks it's tickley and funny and I guess she likes to copy what grown up people do. She's also asked for 'nail barnish' from the age of two so we used the peeley kind, she soon got bored of sitting still to have it done and doesn't ask anymore. I don't see the harm. I'm in no way a girly,fashion conscious type of mum either.

Jenny70 · 21/09/2013 12:20

I wouldn't like it, I don't wear any makeup, so certainly no element of copying me.

I think it tells the child that girls/women need to be beautiful and plastering themselves in makeup makes them beautiful... I'd rather they baked muffins, played games or dressed dolls - but I wouldn't say anything to mother - she hasn't pierced her ears or anything. But I wouldn't be happy with it either.

PissesGlitter · 21/09/2013 12:44

I have no idea what the problem is with red lipstick

I like it so sometimes wear it
If no one likes it then look away!!

My daughter and friends loves playing with make up

PeppiNephrine · 21/09/2013 12:59

nobody said there was anything wrong with red lipstick.

But its not suitable for very young children.

LEMisdisappointed · 21/09/2013 13:03

I'd be upset that she didn't ask first as my DD1's face would have exploded (well not quite) but had quite a severe reaction to face paints once. So if i were to put face paints/make up on a child i'd asks first for that reason.

I don't like seeing young girls in make up, but it sounds like a fun something to do - playing growups i guess.

HeySoulSister · 21/09/2013 13:10

Lol agent! But come on, that's not scientific fact is it

Doubtfuldaphne · 21/09/2013 13:10

There are a lot of different people out there and now your dd is mixing with other families and their views on things these sort of issues will crop up a lot. You kind of have to just chill out a bit and trust your dd to know what's normal in your house isn't in other households but of course, your rules and opinions are what matter the most.
My ds is now a teenager and the kind of things going on at his friends houses really trouble me (mostly just lack of discipline or any kind of structure to their lives) but there's not much I can do if he likes to see his friends. As long as he knows what is normal its ok and no harm done.

morethanpotatoprints · 21/09/2013 13:13

I don't think there is anything wrong with the playing with make up part.
The mum should have phoned to check as your dd could have allergies and have ended up poorly.

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