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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be pissed off that another mum has plastered my 6yo DD in make-up

103 replies

itsn0tmeitsyou · 20/09/2013 21:04

So my DD has come home from playing at a friend's house and tells me that whilst there they had a make-up session, with the mum, with the mum's make up, including foundation, lipstick, eyeshadow etc. My dd's face was clean when she got home but I feel that it is my decision to decide when I am ready for my DD to experiment with make-up, not someone else's. 6 is too young imo, and to presume without asking really pisses me off.

AIBU??

OP posts:

Fairylea · 20/09/2013 21:31

Well I don't think make up has anything to do with sexualising the face. For me personally I wear it so I don't look half dead as I am incredibly pale and always get asked if I'm ill without it.

At 6 it's nothing more than dressing up, face painting, having a giggle, wanting to be like a "mum" or grown woman...it's not sexualising anything.

specialsubject · 20/09/2013 21:32

lipstick IS sexualising the face, strictly speaking. We've forgotten what bright red lips symbolise!

doesn't bother me (never wear it as I think it looks ridiculous), and to a kid it is only face paint. Hopefully she won't come out in huge blotches.

Bowlersarm · 20/09/2013 21:33

Same as all the above. They were playing. It was a game. At least she came home with a clean face. Sorry but YABU.

pianodoodle · 20/09/2013 21:33

If she had come home wearing it then maybe. But sounds like just playing and it was washed off before she left so I'd say it was OK!

PeppiNephrine · 20/09/2013 21:35

I wouldn't like it. But neither would I like you putting face paint on my kid as I'd spend the rest of the day and night soothing the allergic rashes that you caused.
Make up on little girls is just bloody icky anyway. Like one of those mini pagaent things.....

pianodoodle · 20/09/2013 21:37

I don't even know why I didn't want the varnish on, just resisting her growing up a bit maybe

When I was little I had pretty peach nail varnish from Avon that peeled off :)

Don't know if you still get anything similar!

AgentZigzag · 20/09/2013 21:39

Make up is trying to emulate your face after an orgasm, (flushed cheeks, red lips, dilated pupils) and youth (even skin tones, paint out the dark shadows under your eyes).

But it doesn't mean I walk around smugly trying to look as though I've just DTD

Papering over the cracks more like.

gamerchick · 20/09/2013 21:41

Would you have rather the mum just drunk wine and ignore the kids left to their own devices? She interacted and played with them. In sorry but you're being ridiculous.

AgentZigzag · 20/09/2013 21:42

Thanks piano, but the thought of peeling off nail varnish (same as those peel off face masks) makes me feel nauseous

I saw an advert for those mini pageants yesterday How can anyone want that for their DD?

IRCL · 20/09/2013 21:44

YABU.

Not really a big deal just sounds like kids playing dress up to be honest.

artyanklet · 20/09/2013 21:51

The only reason why I think you are being reasonable is that if its was my DD she would possibly have had an reaction to the make up. For some strange reason DD comes up with 'sun burn' looking skin several hrs after certain kinds of make up, face wipes, perfume and face masks.

As much as DD is sensible now at 6 she would have probably followed suit and thoroughly enjoyed herself and suffered for a couple of weeks of being 'sunburnt'!

Original poster

itsn0tmeitsyou · 20/09/2013 21:51

madmartigan I am not considering saying or doing anything about it to the mum, just wondering aloud whether it's just me...

I can see I am definitely in the minority, so I'll take that on board...

btw it absolutely is sexualising the face - red lipstick is the one most people know about - putting men in mind of certain activities - and mascara, foundation etc have other effects but I won't write a thesis on here about it and bore everyone...

Anyway, thanks for the thoughts.

OP posts:

Original poster

itsn0tmeitsyou · 20/09/2013 22:00

gamerchick I didn't realise it was one or the other!!

OP posts:

EugenesAxe · 20/09/2013 22:05

You sound a bit serious to me and I think YABU. At six its not sexualising the female face because they don't have a clue really, do they? It's just 'copying mummy' to me.

usualsuspect · 20/09/2013 22:06

Yes Yabu.

AgentZigzag · 20/09/2013 22:08

The argument that it sexualises the face doesn't apply to a 6 YO though because that'd be a creepy thing to suggest (not suggesting you're creepy there OP ).

Fluffymonster · 20/09/2013 22:08

I can see where you're coming from OP - make up is similar, yet different to facepaints.

While both are to do with role play and dressing up - facepaints is about looking like a 'tiger' or a 'butterfly', but make up is to do with looking 'beautiful' - it's slightly further on than pretending to be an animal. Perhaps the OP wouldn't have been prepared to make that step had she known.

In life everyone has various degrees of what is acceptable, and no two parents are the same. It's impossible to discuss the minutiae of every parenting decision with every parent your dd meets - so sometimes you just have to shrug certain things off, esp. if you want your child to meet and socialise with a range of people.

The main thing is she had a lot of fun, didn't come to any harm, and it was all cleaned off. I'd be a bit 'hmm' , but really, she doesn't spend as much time there as she does with you, so the greater influence will always be you.

I wouldn't worry that she'll be asking to play/experiment with it from now on (just say no - your house your rules! At this age I doubt it will be a big deal anyway, unless you make it so - as people have already said, it's just dressing up in her mind).

So...YABU to be 'pissed off', but YANBU to have some opinions around this, that happens to not be in agreement with the other parent.

smearedinfood · 20/09/2013 22:28

I can see where you are coming from when it may have been a 'thing' you wanted to share with your DD later on.
Amazed you've kept her out of your make up bag for so long, DS 3 tends to make a bee line for mine when he spots it.

valiumredhead · 20/09/2013 22:30

Oh please, it's not like she tattooed her. They used it like face paint /dressing up.

valiumredhead · 20/09/2013 22:32

You'd have hated me,I remember painting ds's 4 year old mates' toe nails blue so they could be power rangers

valiumredhead · 20/09/2013 22:32

The blue power ranger was the coolest iirc.

Original poster

itsn0tmeitsyou · 20/09/2013 22:39

fluffymonster I like your response best

EugenesAxe I am totally aware that I sound really serious and probably really tedious on this thread. The irony is that in RL I am extremely silly and possibly a lot bit immature. But about this I am quite serious, I just think that society in general is forcing our girls to grow up waaaaay too quickly and make-up is an aspect of that that at least I have felt that I have control over. I put on the minimum I feel I can get away with (foundation, mascara as I know you will all be fascinated to learn) mainly because I've got 3 children under 6 and by the end of the morning school run it's all been smeared off by my rubbing my face in frustration at never getting to school on time....

So, suddenly finding that I also have no control over that either was irritating. But, I am possibly prepared to accept, IABatinybitU.

OP posts:

Jinty64 · 20/09/2013 22:41

Ds3 (7) regularly comes home from after school club with make up (and nail varnish) on. The older girls make up the little ones. It's a pain having to clean it off at bed time but it's no worse than face paints and I have worse things to worry about. I don't really see the problem.

LostMarbles99 · 20/09/2013 22:43

I wouldn't like it. Your dd will be putting chemicals over her face soon enough.

There's not much you can do about it but I can see why you are pissed off!

Original poster

itsn0tmeitsyou · 20/09/2013 22:43

valium I would not have had an issue with blue toenails. that is not sexy.

Billy was the blue power ranger's name, as I recall. At one point in my illustrious history I took the time to learn all the power ranger's particular powers off the back of a cereal packet.

OP posts:

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