Nose members of the public

[nesticles]

DH and I are both blind and very comfortable about talking/answering questions about it. but since having our sighted ds I am getting increasingly angry about one question members of the public ask us "is he blind too?" and when we say no they often go on to ask "was that a fear?". I litterally see red lol and often find it hard not to flip my lid. I know people have questions as we do things differently like pull our buggy and have Guide dogs but really? am I being unreasonable? DH things I might just be a bit over sensative. Am I? or is it a rather rude question?

Ooops subject should read Nosey members of the public.

YANBU, it's rude to ask these questions. Of course you would not have wanted this for your DS so don't understand the need to ask.

YANBU- it is very rude but I don't think most people will mean it in the way that it sounds. They just probably don't engage their brains. Doesn't make it much better though!

People are bloody rude sometimes.

They need to engage their brains before opening their big stupid mouths.

Lol, I get that people don't think. I think the reason it bothers me is that other people care and the emediat asumption is that two blind people will automatically make a child with the same disability. dh and I don't feel that we miss out on anything being blind and feel that it wouldn't've mattered either way for ds. If he had been born blind who better placed to raise a blind child than blind parents? I have no problem with people asking anything else and will gladly answer anything from "can your Guide dog read?" to "how do you do your job?" and even from a friend of a friend "how do you have sex?". I think I would understand it if DS was a child who doesn't make eye contact...but I've been told he's the nosiestst little boy going and is constantly looking around when in the carrier or buggy.

at "Can your Guide dog read"

They are rude.

If you want to be very very rude back you could reply "Are you afraid you've passed on your rudeness to yours?"

But I am very mean.

That's a fair point, Nesticles, about who being better placed to raise a blind child.

I had a friend when I was 10. Both his parents were deaf. It never occurred to me that him and his brother should be too.

So odd the things people wonder! It's really nice of you to so patiently answer the questions. Can see why that one would be upsetting, I think you should feel free to explain to people why it upsets you, but calmly.

Thats v. rude, some people just have no tact.

am i missing something here,someone really asked how you had sex ??? er... seems like they might need help with their sex life, how ARE they doing it ?? the mind boogles....

I think it depends on how it is said to be honest - whether it is in a "you're mad to have had a kid" way or a genuinely curious, admiring your courage kind of way.

I have a friend who has a type of albinism and while not totally blind is very partially sighted (IIRC, it is so bad that she is actually registered blind). She was terrified that her children would inherit her condition and the first question she asked her DH when they were born was what colour hair did they have.

I think a mother asking if her child has inherited her eye condition and a random stranger asking are two different matters. Mrsfuzzy yep someone honestly asked me that. the most strange question was "How do you know that is your DH? I mean someone could swap places and you'd never know!" I had to laugh at that one.

Well, it'd be a great defence if you chose to have a dalliance.

'Oooh sorry dh. I thought it was you'.

Did whoever said that think you wouldn't recognise other things that would signify it was your dh, like his voice etc?

How do you have sex!

That is hilarious.

anyone who asks such personal questions of anyone else is rude.

why should you have to be happy answering any questions? tell them to bugger the fuck off. that should do it.

as for the sex!!! bloody hell if I turned on the light and saw dh and not Beckham the moment would be lost.

OP, you need to think up some elaborate equipment and positions and shock them into shutting the hell up.

I research inherited blindness conditions so am literally dying to be nosy here...

I think there might be a tendency for people to assume all blindness is the same generic disorder, when it's far more likely that you and your husband are blind in entirely different ways and that neither is necessarily an inherited form.

So I'd go for "ignorance" plus "curiosity" equals "apparent rudeness".

How are you working this board? A funky speech thing? One that informs you of spelling mistakes.... :) Can it process smilies?

^ Not "literally dying", that's not true. And I am the first to get annoyed at overuse of "literally"...

"No he isn't blind, he's just really contagious" or just go for the straightforward "how terribly rude!"

I'm amazed that people think you're such public property that they can ask these questions. My DH is a foot taller than me, so I guess people could also ask how we have sex, but they haven't, because it would be rude and an inappropriate question.

"Was that a fear?"

"No, it was a rude question"

"how do you have sex?" seriously? If I lost my sight that is literally* the only thing I can think of that I'd do exactly the same as I do now.

• properly literally

nesticles, I don't find that question rude or odd. But I think that it is very much an issue of culture and custom. I am American and live in California (and come from a family full of scientists). When I lived in England, I found myself forever offending people with questions and comments that would be totally normal and acceptable here. In fact, in some cases, people might my be offended that someone didn't ask the question here.

My ds has a genetic disease and people ask me all the time if dd has it too. I am delighted to be able to pass on information that might help them (ds' disease is highly under-diagnosed and he was 11 before we figured it out). I feel like I'm helping society by answering their questions....as long as the intent is not unkind (which it never seems to be).

When people ask you that question, do you think that you could reframe the question in your mind to be one of genuine interest in learning (and not nosiness) and maybe use the opportunity to educate the questioner about the science and practicality of blindness.

I'm sure she could reframe the question like that, but why should she? Being blind doesn't make it her job to educate other people about blindness, not even if it improves the world by a few grains. Sometimes I like to educate people about depression and feel in the mood to do it, but other times I'd like them just to fuck off and do some googling for themselves, thanks.

Giving these people the benefit of the doubt maybe they are asking questions in order to educate themselves. But just as likely they are shooting their mouths off in an attempt to be chummy just like a lot of people do when talking babies/fertility/family stuff generally.

I don't think YABU but I don't think they're necessarily being rude either. They're probably curious, but clumsy.

Many sighted people have a fear of blindness that probably people who've lived with partial or absence of sight their whole lives, or like my MIL, have developed it in later life, don't have, or at least they don't consider to be the end of the world by a long chalk.

sofia and maidofstars are probably like me. I'm professionally nosy because I'm a journalist. I'm sure I upset people all the time with dumb questions.

Sometimes to avoid all misconception I have to ask really simple questions. If you put me in my place, I'll accept it, as long as you're nice about it

I wouldn't have asked the sex question though

It's an old one, but my favourite Woody Allen quote is that if reincarnation exists, he wants to come back as Warren Beatty's fingertips.

I don't know if you're old enough to remember when Warren Beatty was a gorgeous shagger. Or who the modern equivalent would be.