Am I being unreasonable to confront this woman?

[justanuthermanicmumsday]

for those of you who don't know I wear a face veil usually a patterned scarf to avoid sticking out so much lol. point is I expect the odd comments maybe groans as I work past in my honour of course.

But two times now this senior lady I'd say in her 60s or more unprovoked loudly made comments at me. The first time she said" why are you wearing that" I was walking past with my twin buggy to supermarket, I thght she was incredibly rude. Had she said excuse me and proceeded to ask me a question in a normal tone I wouldn't have been miffed. Still I kept my cool said religious reasons as I walked away. I didn't want a conversation I don't see why I should explain when she was so rude.

yet today I see her again shouting across the road at me this time." No need to wear that take it off". Today I would say she looked aggressive or perhaps it was my eyes deceiving me. My toddler was with me she looked distressed said" mummy whys that lady shouting". I said "she's prob ill like your gran never mind her."

Should I confront her if this happens again? I'm not an aggressive person quite a walkover and not much confidence but I think it can't be ignored its like harassment.

I dread to think ill pass her again if I pop out she's always on the same route as me, yet why should I dread her.

Granted she doesn't like my dress neither does my brother, I'm not harming her in anyway. one sibling said I shouldn't confront her in case she goes to the police. But that's insane what reason would she have to go to the police i would simply tell her to get off my case. How would she like it if I told her to change her dress for something more acceptable to me. She's not the fashion police or the law.

Please remember this is not a conversation on whether you approve of my dress rather this woman's behaviour

I don't see why goths who choose to wear black are any different to those who choose a religion that requires a face veil - they are all choices - which our society has decided is a right - so no one should be allowed to attack/abuse anyone else for such a choice.

It's the covering of the face for no reason.

I have to remove my motorbike helmet to put fuel in it. Why ?

Maddening - I agree. Punks, emo's etc are protected too according to the Telegraph.

OP I think you should rethink your position on the veil. Many religious practices across many faiths like insisting women don't use contraception, throwing women on their husband's funeral pyre, female genital mutilation are thinly guised or veiled if you will attempts to subjugate women. Wearing the veil is minor by comparison but I personally do not make it a habit of supporting any religious or cultural practises which just because they have been around a long time are still morally wrong. The veil is morally wrong and disrespectful and offensive to other women and sends a view out to women that they are not to be respected in their own right unless they hide from the world.

You put fuel in your helmet? Sorry.

Wannabe as a heterosexual woman, I have to admit I find those women who choose to wear overly tight, revealing clothes a bit annoying. I wouldn't say anything, but its because they do it for attention. It always reminds me of the Harry Enfield sketch where the character goes "Look at me! Oh no! Don't look at me! You're looking at me!"

What I'm trying to work out with this one is what if covering your face is against the old granny's religion? Whose religion trumps if both are offended by it, or does it justify the discrimination because otherwise it would mean that one religious belief is not tolerated? I'm not being facetious, depending on the part of Scotland, this is entirely possible - who knows what rules branches of some of the "wee frees" have?

What if someone decides it is their religion to be naked? Like the naked rambler? Does it then become his religious right to offend other people, because otherwise his religious beliefs will be oppressed?

But in answer to the OP's question - YANBU. Be sociable. Break the ice, explain to the person that her comments offend you. Speak up for yourself.

But be assured you are not the only one who gets remarks about your clothes. I remember once randomly putting on a pair of red socks which showed under my shoes, and a couple of teenage boys commenting that I'd got dressed in the dark!

btw I find face veils and covering up of women highly offensive as well, as do many posters on here. But we ignore most sex discrimination in this country and give more attention to religious and racial discrimination. For instance, hypothetically speaking, if a woman in a Muslim community complained that she was forced to wear a burka by coercive comments made by other members of her community, she wouldn't really have a ground for complaint in the same way she would if a white person criticised her for wearing a burka.

That's why I have to remove it!

neunundneun but I personally do not make it a habit of supporting any religious or cultural practises which just because they have been around a long time are still morally wrong

I thought the increasing wearing of a full face burka was a relatively modern innovation, in such a widespread way? Certainly the burka wearer at the moment making headlines for refusing to uncover her face in court by all accounts only started wearing it two years ago.

LessMissAbs - at the moment, Islam seems to win when there is a conflict of religious or secular rights eg only halal foods being served in some schools (including my kids' school).

The squeaky wheel gets the grease.

This thread is loopy, did I really get accused of a hate crime against goths??? Should I be beating myself up??

no surprise how this thread has turned out

we live in a country of freedom and that is a wonderful thing it allows us all to choose how religious we may or may not want to be and how we express that and that i am glad of

op i think the next time the lady says anything just say to her this is my choice and one i have made as i supports what i believe and then ask her if she has any questions about your beliefs. she want to belittle you for whatever reason but you are giving her the chance to educate herself

if she is still nasty then say well i did try

and the op did state that this was not about our opinions on the wrongs and rights of the veil but her response to this woman

Murder I think Ted was just making a point about how some choices of dress are more politically sensitive than others ... I got it wrong too!

It was odd. Still stand by my comment that it is never ever right to yell abuse at or demand someone dress a certain way, whether it's a politically sensitive choice or not.

Yup. I'm with you and the OP there,

Justanuther

Please don't go against your own beliefs because of this ignorant bigot. The fact that you live in a country where religious freedom of expression is encouraged and some other lands where the veil is commonplace may not shouldn't be held against you because of how other countries behave towards minority groups.

This woman is bordering on committing a race crime and you most certainly should consider reporting anybody who verbally abuses you. Are there any local faith based organisations that would support you should you need to take this further?

I have mixed feelings on veiling but wouldn't be so arrogant as to presume to know your personal reasons for wearing it or to presume coercion.

MurderofGoths - No! I was making the point, as Fecklessdizzy said, that we are afraid of upsetting some people more
than others.

MurderofGoths - for instance, the song "Oh, No, He's Turned Emo" wouldn't go down well if it was instead poking fun at someone joining a religion would it?

In fact, maybe that song is dodgy to sing now. I don't know what the rules are and can't remember the lyrics.

She's completely out of order. I think this is a place for the classic mumsnet response of "did you mean to be so rude?"

Are we? I think all people should be treated with the same level of respect, regardless.

I don't think any of us have said the old woman's behaviour is acceptable, it isn't but its not surprising

I wafted about as a goth for over a decade, some people thought it was weird, many many people commented on my style unpleasantly

Its a choice you make for being different - either get over it, confront it or dress like everyone else.

Laughing at being tagged a "feminist" I am sooooo not, I will no more be told what to do by other women than a man. I am aware though that the freedoms we all have were fought for by women way stronger than me.

I do feel though that for ever woman happy to cover her face there is probably at least one who is coerced into it

Religion, of any shape or form should be private....worship what you want just stop making such a bloody song and dance about it. Religion doesn't make the world a better place it makes it way, way, waaaaaay worse.

"Its a choice you make for being different - either get over it, confront it or dress like everyone else."

Bollocks to that. It's not the person being yelled at who needs to change.

whilst I dont agree with what you are wearing and I certainly dont like it, I would have told her to piss off and mind her own business!
how rude of her!

As a white British woman, I think British women can learn a lot from Muslim women about modesty & self respect.

Take page 3 for example.

Bless you OP. If she intimidates you again report her.

Bollocks to your comment Bluesky.
You are basically saying conform or be abused.
Bollocks: massive glittery, goth, veiled, emo, tattooed bollocks to that!

I remember when I was much, much younger overhearing someone say, "well he shouldn't draw attention to himself if he doesn't want hassle". Sound familiar? They were talking about a bloke who got beaten up for daring to be openly gay. Silly him, should have kept it private and conformed in public right?