To complain about DD's teacher

[DancesWithWoolEnPointe]

When I collected DD1 (9) from school today her teacher was waiting for me. She showed me a rubber, in bits, and told me that DD had had a very bad afternoon. She had been fiddling in science, and cut one of the school's rubbers to bits with a ruler. She went on, rather angrily, about the importance of listening, not fiddling, the lack of resources at the school and that DD needs to replace the rubber. I have no problem with this at all, although I was surprised at how angry she seemed.

However, after DD and I got home I spoke to her about it, and she relayed just how much trouble she had been in. She was taken outside and the teacher told her off for several minutes, uninterrupted, including, to quote DD, "lots of How dare yous". She said she wanted to say something but felt if she tried to speak she'd be in even more trouble.

Now I am a teacher, and I almost never break out the "how dare you". Like "I'm very disappointed" and "I'm concerned" I keep "how dare you" for really serious issues. While DD has shown disrespect for the school resources and needed to learn a lesson, I can't help but feel this level of response is unwarranted. DD1 has never once been in trouble before in 6 years of formal schooling, and is a top pupil. There is no history of damaging school property or any other issue. I can't help but feel the teacher had had a bad day and lost it with DD. It doesn't sound to me like she was in control of her irritation or anger. I feel the need to stand up for my child.

Would you write a letter to the school? Who is being unreasonable - the teacher or me?

Wuldric - why on earth is the OP's child's advanced reading age a reflection on the academic ability of the rest of the school? confused

3 years ahead of chronological age wouldn't a top pupil make in most schools, would it?

Och, I don't know.

The teacher over-reacted (my guess is a Baaaaad Day, and taking it out on your DD). She obviously lost her temper.

Is DD really upset? I get it, by the way - I really do! I hate 'How dare you?'s and over-the-top reactions, too.

But, as a teacher yourself, you know how it feels the very odd time?

I suppose it depends what the teacher is like normally. Are you generally happy with her? Does she have a reputation of being like this? I am of the mind to allow a teacher one strike with this sort of thing (obviously within reason, and depending on how genuinely upset the child is) unless it is habitual behaviour.

Let it slide, but YANBU about lots of it. Imagine her at home, beating herself up, having a glass of wine and telling her DP how she totally over-reacted to a silly little thing today after x, y and z happened....

Disclaimer: this may be because this usually non-shouty, calm and understanding teacher had a really Baaaaaaad Day today

My DB's teacher told my parents that he was being a bit naughty in the class so she asked him to repeat what she had just been talking about.
She was amazed he repeated it to her word for word. Turned out he was highly intelligent and had understood quicker than the rest of the class and got bored.

I go mad when I see kids cutting up rubbers. It usually means they'll be flicked at other kids, disrupting my lesson and making a mess.

Plus, resources do come from somewhere - sorry, and we've all had our budget cuts. I don't want to have to order a batch of new rubbers in November!

Cutting up a rubber usually means bits of rubbers will be flicked across the classroom. I think the main issue is that you are not used to being taken aside by the teacher because your dd is a top pupil. I also find that when girls who are normally well behaved get into trouble occasionally there is often a backlash from parents who will complain about the teachers tone or the number of warnings given or whether the lesson was engaging enough or whether their child was just bored because the pace is slow or whatever really. You can of course complain but it will look like you are whinging because your dd was told off! The teacher told you about this probably because they think you will be supportive and will back the teacher up. This will give your dd the message that messing about is not the way forward. But of course it's up to you.

I just have to tell you all that I caught a boy carving up his rubber today in my science class. I thought of you all

If she isn't normally in trouble I'd just leave it as one of those things. If she isn't used to being told off it might seem a lot worse to her than it really was too.

I doubt there'll be a repeat!

I agree with you OP. As a teacher, she needs to behave and control her temper. Wasting 5 minutes or so of an hour long lesson screeching and bellowing (or whatever) at someone for spoiling a 2p rubber is just a complete waste of everyone's time. (She's let the pupils down, she's let the school down, and most of all she's let herself down, hehehe).