To complain about DD's teacher

[DancesWithWoolEnPointe]

When I collected DD1 (9) from school today her teacher was waiting for me. She showed me a rubber, in bits, and told me that DD had had a very bad afternoon. She had been fiddling in science, and cut one of the school's rubbers to bits with a ruler. She went on, rather angrily, about the importance of listening, not fiddling, the lack of resources at the school and that DD needs to replace the rubber. I have no problem with this at all, although I was surprised at how angry she seemed.

However, after DD and I got home I spoke to her about it, and she relayed just how much trouble she had been in. She was taken outside and the teacher told her off for several minutes, uninterrupted, including, to quote DD, "lots of How dare yous". She said she wanted to say something but felt if she tried to speak she'd be in even more trouble.

Now I am a teacher, and I almost never break out the "how dare you". Like "I'm very disappointed" and "I'm concerned" I keep "how dare you" for really serious issues. While DD has shown disrespect for the school resources and needed to learn a lesson, I can't help but feel this level of response is unwarranted. DD1 has never once been in trouble before in 6 years of formal schooling, and is a top pupil. There is no history of damaging school property or any other issue. I can't help but feel the teacher had had a bad day and lost it with DD. It doesn't sound to me like she was in control of her irritation or anger. I feel the need to stand up for my child.

Would you write a letter to the school? Who is being unreasonable - the teacher or me?

It really annoys ne when my stuff is wrecked, mindlessly or otherwise. Give her some blue tack to fiddle with, and give it another couple of weeks before you raise concerns. A shouty overreacting teacher is not good, but a single incident is not enough on which to base that judgement.

I have sometimes found primary school teachers a bit weird and confronting.

Its really hard to know OP. I think you have got to trust your instincts. I did go on the offensive once, and me and the teacher ended up bestest friends, but I had to lay down a marker.

I am not sure about what cutting up a rubber means? .

I think there must be more to this than meets the eye, but what it is, who knows. Probably an over-stressed teacher?

Yabu, what does being a top pupil have to do with it. Does that excuse her from being badly behaved. The teachers reaction might have been a bit questionable but you were not there to confirm the actual situation. And your dd is 9, that's old enough to know anyway.

Op, I would phone/speak in person to the teacher again. Ask if behaviour has improved, maybe this will prompt a conversation with the teacher where she may apologise or explain why she over reacted.

All this fuss over a mashed up rubber? Blimey. Made me laugh, a bit

I think teachers can behave in an awful fashion to those poor souls who end up teaching their children. I recall a colleague who would regale us with how she had 'seen off' her children's teachers at parents' evenings. She and her husband, also a teacher, would set out to reduce at least one teacher to tears per evening. If they managed to score two or three in tears they had had a good evening out.

Wow, as a teacher yourself surely you know children can over emphasise or change the story to suit themselves.

Your DD wasnt paying attention and destroyed school property and its the teacher thats wrong As for the reading age, its very common for children under 12 to have a reading age of 12 so nothing special and not an excuse.

I think yabu.complaining because your dd was told off for being in the wrong?the teacher was probably pissed because your dd wasn't concentrating.i don't think chopping a rubber in little bits is fiddling. It was probably distracting for other pupils too.
Imo writing a letter is ott.

I am guessing that she was sawing the rubber with a ruler, which is distracting, destructive and helluva messy.

YABU, I'm afraid.

Turn it around.... Why was she left to saw up a full rubber? Why wasn't she seen? Why wasn't it nipped in the bud before she got as far as she did?

I thought teachers saw everything? Don't they have eyes in the back of their heads?

Just imagining what my child could have got away with given reading age of 12 at age 5. Poor dd though, she'd better watch out - she's just average.

Where on earth did I excuse her behaviour based on her reading age? Some people really go out of their way to get the wrong end of the stick. . I'm not explaining again why I mentioned her academic abilities or the fact that I support her getting into trouble for what she did, go back up thread and read it.

Thank you to all of those who have offered calm, sage advice. After reading through all this I agree I will note it down and should it seem like the teacher has over lost control of her temper again I will write a letter to the HT.

I know teachers who buy class supplies and resources out of their own pockets because sch funds are so low. Teacher may have been aaargh now they're all going to saw sodding rubbers up.

Sawing up a rubber with a ruler is quite a pleasurable activity. I've always been a bit of a fiddler.

Dances - I think you've had a really rough ride here and I absolutely agree, there are lots of posters on AIBU who deliberately set out to misinterpret and be bitchy.

My take on it is this: your DD is bright. Bad behaviour from her is somehow viewed as worse than bad behaviour from children it might be expected of (as in, have a track record of playing up, whereas your DD doesn't). This isn't right or fair but was my personal experience at school as a so-called top pupil. Good Lord, I'll never forget the day a teacher came down on me like a tonne of bricks when I got a B and not an A. Obviously I couldn't say anything as she ranted away (only 12, not super confident) but it seemed so unjust. Most others were praised for getting a B.

Personally, I would note the incident, mention it in passing to the teacher if you happen to see her and step in if anything further happens.

I think you sound rather precious tbh. She was clearly being disruptive, not just distroying the rubber , she had probably been told several times. You are a teacher. You. Know how this goes. Kid plays down what actually happened to avoid getting in as much trouble with parent.

Children fiddling in class is extremely annoying whether they are top pupils or bottom pupils!

Sounds to me like the teacher was having a bad day and took it out on your DD. Unprofessional, yes, but you of all people should know that teachers are human too.

I agree with MrsDV that you should use this as an opportunity to teach DD that fact, explain that the teacher overreacted, along with making sure she understands how unacceptable her behaviour was.

If, however, anything like this happens again, then you take the matter to the school.

Pooka - unbelievably bitchy snide comment there which reflects badly on you.

A bit OTT IMO. The teacher was waiting for you at home time to tell you this?! Surely the telling off she gave your DD was more than enough.

Maybe she felt it was out of character and wanted to nip any future misbehaviour in the bud .

MrsDeVere Mon 16-Sep-13 17:00:47

"IMO its fine to tell kids that a teacher has behaved like a bit of an arse. You can tell them that they (the kid) was in the wrong but also that the teacher overreacted."

Like the sound of this.

To you its one rubber and your daughter. To the teacher it could be the 5th rubber that week and the 10th misbehaving child that day. It's not an easy job. I would save the complaining for the bigger things.

MrsDV/cory.

I'm going to disagree there (very rarely do!). I'm happy to tell my child that I over-reacted. I'm not sure I'd tell my child a teacher over-reacted unless I knew for sure that they had