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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why people can't keep their houses in a basic state of cleanliness?

526 replies

HarderToKidnap · 16/09/2013 12:26

Disabilities aside, why can't people keep their homes basically clean?

I work part time, have a messy dog, a demanding toddler, am extremely lazy but my house always looks OK. You couldn't eat your tea off the top of the door frames but the kitchen surfaces are clean, floors hoovered, sofas plumped and inviting, toilet free of poo crumbs. It's easy and doesn't take long. So WHY do I go round to so many of my friend's houses and see they live in complete pits? Gritty nasty sofas that are horrible to sit on, filthy kitchens, poo smears and crumbs all over toilet, minging hand towels, floors covered in bits. IT IS NOT HARD to do the basics. I've just done a house once over and it's taken 45 minutes.

I understand not wanting to spend all day dusting your books or whatever but when people are coming over why wouldn't you want them to feel clean and comfy in your house? I'm not talking about people that physically can't do it because of illness or disability, but the rest of you? WHY??!!!

OP posts:
Thepowerof3 · 18/09/2013 13:26

I promise to keep them clean!

mewmeow · 18/09/2013 13:42

I think with me i just can't be bothered really, will clean for flat inspections but the rest of the time I would rather do something fun with the time. Go out, take dc to the park, read, watch a film, eat, have sex. Cleaning just cuts into that time and needs doing again within 6 seconds.
Having said that I do Hoover a couple of times a week, mop floors once a month and do bathroom fortnightly but that is the absolute limit. (my flat looks like I never bother with any of that).Smile. My sofa is particularly stained an ripped (think its fourth hand), but we can't afford another one and it's comfy, so oh well!

FergusSingsTheBlues · 19/09/2013 17:38

I fret about mess, it stresses me out. I spend every day cleaning tidying ironing etc. then I admire my house for six seconds before it gets trashed by the boys .... then do it again the next day...the catch being that I am a messy pig, forever putting things down. I chase my tail. Tis ridiculous.

I are a lot of mess by being I a constant manic state of "doing stuff" and "getting things done" poo.

handcream · 19/09/2013 17:47

I actually agree with the OP! I work full time, 2 DS's and a large dog. I think its being lazy tbh. Of course I would rather sit around watching TV then do the hoovering and clearing the plates. But I do make time.

I have a close relative who is a hoarder. Large house (6 beds) but you cannot get in more than single file. There are two old sofas in the hall way and stacks of newspapers and old rubbish lying around. Of course they do NO cleaning. Excuse is that they need to sort out their crap (!), of course that never happens so still no cleaning and a house that you really cannot enter.

If they want to live like that - well it wouldnt be my choice. And I guess that is what it comes down to. Change your bedlinen once a year, dont bother to mow the grass, leave old newspapers to stack up because you cannot be bothered to sort through. As long as you dont expect me to be like that and you take the risk with regard to your health. A house literally full to the brim is dangerous. You wont be able to move around freely, lots of things to trip over but if you want to live like that....

handcream · 19/09/2013 17:53

And I agree - little and often. We did have a cleaner 7 yrs ago. Complete pain and turned up when she liked often with her kids in tow without warning or checking it was OK.

I do it now and do wonder what she did for 8 hours a week (she came in twice and did the ironing). Now save the money to put towards our family hols.

YoureBeingADick · 19/09/2013 18:07

"I want 3 bathrooms"

I used to have 3, then 2, now 1- i'm happiest now! and I do credit that to the fact i'm only cleaning one loo a day Grin

ToffeeCaramel · 19/09/2013 18:45

I think hoarders have a genuine problem with getting rid of stuff though, rather than it just being that they are a bit lazy.

handcream · 19/09/2013 18:51

I sort of understand what you are saying Toffee but people do make their own choices in life. You have a room stuffed full of crap - you fall over, the ambulance people cannot get to you easily with the amount of items in the way, they fall over, you could die due to the delays.

So, lets not make too many excuses as to why people make decisions.

ToffeeCaramel · 19/09/2013 18:58

I think it's a bit like an anorexic though. I suppose you could say they are making a decision not to eat and damaging their health, but it's because they have a psychological condition where they find it very distressing to eat normally. I think with a lot of hoarders it's the same thing. ie. deep seating psychological reasons why they find it very distressing to get rid of the stuff.

ToffeeCaramel · 19/09/2013 18:59

deep seated

ToffeeCaramel · 19/09/2013 19:03

Hoarding disorder

www.psychiatry.org/hoarding-disorder

YoureBeingADick · 19/09/2013 19:06

hoarding (proper hoarding) is actually a form of OCD meaning it is a medically condition, often triggered by a traumatic experience. it isn't just a case of someone making a choice to have piles of crap in their house. Hmm

this info is all available for free on the internet so no excuse for offending people with your ignorance Wink

YoureBeingADick · 19/09/2013 19:06

xposting with toffee Smile

monicalewinski · 19/09/2013 19:43

I agree with OP!

Me and my husband work full time, have 2 boys. My rule has always been 'public rooms tidy at end of every day' so we are always at a basic level of tidiness and a weekly clean (full on deep clean probably every couple of months); toilets and kitchen are never dirty.

We are lucky enough to afford a cleaner now (just once a week) so Thursday is 'clean for the cleaner' night to make sure everything is tidy so she can spend her time cleaning.

I have always made the effort to keep on top of the house as once you let it slide it is so much harder to get back on track - I have friends (and my in-laws) who live like pigs (IMO) and I can't comprehend how they can live like that.

My boys are 8 and 11 now so they have jobs to do round the house too, it really does just take 20 mins to tidy up at the end of every day (I do have an overflowing ironing basket at the moment though, and it haunts me!!).

Trazzletoes · 19/09/2013 19:44

handcream suggesting that hoarders make a decision to be lazy/untidy is no different to saying someone with depression has decided to be grumpy.

It is categorically not true. It's an illness. Hoarders need help not derision and abuse.

kaosak · 19/09/2013 20:01

I agree Trazzletoes.

It takes a hell of a lot of effort to keep on top of things especially when you are tired, run down , depressed, juggling all sorts of crap. Once mess/hoarding gets bad I think it can spiral pretty quickly into unmanageable esp if you are in a bad place to start with.

IamSlave · 19/09/2013 21:19

I do little and often on a sort of rotational basis,

Monday, clean orangery, parlour, entrance hall and boot room, that will take about 4 hours.
Tuesday, dining room, 2 x kitchens, utility room, downstairs ( kitchen) sitting area - 3/4 hours.
Wednesday, upstairs sitting room, quick sweep of unused formal sitting room - just a light dust in there, all the ground and lower floor bathrooms and loo's - again about 4 hours.

Then from Thursday through to Sunday I start on the upstairs bedrooms x 8, four on each floor and the four bathrooms. I hate this, and get DH and the kids to strip beds and take washing down, I call it our weekend exercises. Light dusting of dressing room and master sitting room and en suite etc, and try and get kids to at least hoover their bedrooms and landings.

Its a lot of work but keeps me trim.

Wink
ToffeeCaramel · 19/09/2013 21:23

IamSlave Do you not have a billiards room then? [Gives IamSlave a pitying look] Wink

FudgefaceMcZ · 19/09/2013 21:59

Oh feck off. Some of us have more than one young child, sometimes no partner to help, and have full time jobs, you know. I wouldn't want the kind of arsey judgemental friend who thought that hoovering my sofa was a moral act, so I'd probably deliberately sprinkle crumbs on it before you came round if I had the misfortune to have invited you.

kaosak · 19/09/2013 22:16

IamSlave are you SugarHut Grin!

forehead · 19/09/2013 22:18

I wish that I wasn't so judgy about dirty homes. but I cant help it.
My aunt was given a beautiful three bedroomed council house after years of being on the waiting list. The house is now a disgusting pit. As far as I am concerned there is no excuse. She has two teenage daughters at home fgs.
I also feel that decent social housing is so hard to come buy, that it is almost a travesty that she has been given this home and is basically too lazy to take care of it.

kaosak · 19/09/2013 22:18

IamSlave, this is an honest question, I'm not having a pop but if you have a house that big can you not afford help? I would prefer to live in something half the size and not spend 4 hours a day 7 days a week cleaning the flippin thing!

HonkHonk · 19/09/2013 22:19

No way, Kaosak, Sugarhut's DP would be too busy flying back from GVA/Ny to hoover the orangery. :)

kaosak · 19/09/2013 22:20

Ah yes true enough!

kaosak · 19/09/2013 22:23

Sorry IamSlave, I'm fascinated - how is 4 hours per day little and often - yes often but little? 4 hours a day housework would hardly be deemed little by anyone's standards I wouldn't have thought? I probably do that in a week oh maybe a bit more and my house isn't small

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