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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder why people can't keep their houses in a basic state of cleanliness?

526 replies

HarderToKidnap · 16/09/2013 12:26

Disabilities aside, why can't people keep their homes basically clean?

I work part time, have a messy dog, a demanding toddler, am extremely lazy but my house always looks OK. You couldn't eat your tea off the top of the door frames but the kitchen surfaces are clean, floors hoovered, sofas plumped and inviting, toilet free of poo crumbs. It's easy and doesn't take long. So WHY do I go round to so many of my friend's houses and see they live in complete pits? Gritty nasty sofas that are horrible to sit on, filthy kitchens, poo smears and crumbs all over toilet, minging hand towels, floors covered in bits. IT IS NOT HARD to do the basics. I've just done a house once over and it's taken 45 minutes.

I understand not wanting to spend all day dusting your books or whatever but when people are coming over why wouldn't you want them to feel clean and comfy in your house? I'm not talking about people that physically can't do it because of illness or disability, but the rest of you? WHY??!!!

OP posts:
shrinkingnora · 17/09/2013 18:48

I remember the adverts for those! Actually quite want one for doing the laminate that I never ever do

BellEndTent · 17/09/2013 18:51

I have many days where I feel on top of the housework and smug like op.

And then days when work, children, renovations, dogs etc etc burst my bubble and those, THOSE are the times my friends and relatives decide to turn up unannounced.

BellEndTent · 17/09/2013 18:59

I once had a dirty bathroom (bin overflowing, bath toys all over the floor etc) which I was honestly just about to sort out when my DH's friend popped in with his new girlfriend who asked to use the toilet. I was mortified. Grin

KedenTTC1Cycle3 · 17/09/2013 19:33

YANBU unreasonable to wonder about it.

What you described to me is plain filthy. Which is very different from "maintaining decency", which I think a lot of the posters do. I would be appalled going over to anyone's home and seeing any kind of poo in/about/around the toilet.

I am very finicky about my home, so I keep it quite clean. I don't care what others do with their place. But yes, I have wondered on occasion about a particular friend, "Can't she see the mold growing in her fridge?!" or "Can't she see the sink drain is covered in grime?!?".

I'll never say anything to her about it of course, but I certainly wonder on the occasions I'm over there. I guess that makes me judgey Confused

LillianGish · 17/09/2013 19:38

Yanbu - I visited such a house yesterday and wondered exactly the same thing (and so did my children).

KedenTTC1Cycle3 · 17/09/2013 19:39

And just to add; neither of us have children or pets, which I understand can make keeping a clean home, quite difficult.

PigOnStilts · 17/09/2013 19:42

I can't clean my house in 45 mins. Kitchen, yes. It takes me three or four hours in total. You sound quite slovenly OP!

YoureBeingADick · 17/09/2013 20:06

how is it slovenly? you don't know how big OP's house is or how clean/dirty it is to start with.

like I said upthread I can do mine in an hour. I can do a very large 4 bed, 2 bathroom, office, kitchen with tv area, dining room and main living room plus massive hallway (and hairy dogs) in 90minutes and I do it well, it's my job, I wouldn't get paid if it wasn't done well and I wouldn't be kept on. I could go on listing all the sizes of houses I do and how long it takes to clean but I wont. if a house is tidy to start then cleaning can be done far quicker than you would think.

PigOnStilts · 17/09/2013 20:15

'twas a feckin joke. Chill out!

YoureBeingADick · 17/09/2013 20:17

ah- it wasn't obvious at all. maybe use an emoticon the next time. tone doesn't come across well in text.

queenmools · 17/09/2013 21:01

Ah sorry op didn't realise your dog was poorly in that case he can poo when ever and where ever he likes. We have a cat too but he tends not to poo on the lawn and other cats stay away as do Foxes so i've never really thought about it.

FrauMoose · 17/09/2013 21:43

Went to house of a new friend today. The place was immaculately tidy but in an interesting way. (Some unusual objects because of her background and the nature of her work.) Really nice woman. Lots of good conversation. I'm sure we will keep meeting up. But it did reinforce my sense that I am not very comfortable or relaxed in tidy houses - for me they feel too like a stage set so I have this sense that I need to act/play my part.

YoureBeingADick · 17/09/2013 21:53

I don't know if it will be welcome on this thread but I actually feel a massive sense of relaxation when I walk into a really clean house. my aunt has one and it is bliss walking into her house. I literally 'aaaahhhhhh' when I walk through the door. I find it so relaxing- like stress relief or something. I think because it's a spotless clean and clutter free space and I do very much agree with the 'tidy house tidy mind' saying. well it's true for me anyway and I just feel great going into her house. I hate leaving it and coming back to mine. she has always been like this and had 6 children (grown now) and both her and DH worked full time and definitely no cleaner. it can be done. not saying it should- just that it can.

SubliminalMassaging · 17/09/2013 21:58

I agree actually - anyone who says they can clean their whole house in under an hour either:

a) live in a shoe box (literally)
b) has very poor standards
c) is a fibber

Even an average sized three bed semi will take 3-4 hours to do properly.

maddymoo25 · 17/09/2013 22:04

See I agree sorry - I can deal with untidy etc but some houses . I know someone who doesn't work , oh works pt .... and the place is filthy incuding cat poo being left on the floor days with a 1 yr old walking around x

Iclean as I go and so come Sunday when I do main clean ther really isn't much to do, i t isn't exactly hard x

LillianGish · 17/09/2013 22:06

We are not talking about a top to toe spring clean - just running a Hoover round, wiping down the kitchen sides when you've finished, giving the loo a quick brush and squirt of bleach after you've flushed - these are jobs you can do as you go along - certainly doesn't take four hours (apart from getting the Hoover out doesn't really take any time to clear up as you go al

LillianGish · 17/09/2013 22:07

Along!

merrymouse · 17/09/2013 22:14

I also love clean houses. However, the things I fight on a daily basis are Lego, junk modelling (inc glue and glitter), general cutting, sylvanians and assorted other small figures and their habitats. Dens are also a problem.

I'm not saying its not possible to maintain basic standards and have these things, but it does make the whole process longer.

Also, allowing children greater independence in the kitchen can lead to more floor cleaning.

raggedymum · 17/09/2013 22:16

I knew someone with two dishwashers. It was brilliant! She'd run one and unload it at her leisure while filling the other. She said she got the idea off someone who had only enough dishes to fill the dishwasher and would just store them in there (although the more I think about that, the more confused I get...did they just run it if they used up all the plates, for example, and re-clean the bowls?), and she saw that and thought, "what you really need is two of them" Of course, it helped that she had enough money to design her own kitchen with two dishwashers!

Anyway, what I've been thinking on this thread is that one might think they're 'not counting' disabilities/illness, but do you really know who that affects? Our house is occasionally as the OP describes (although any poo is down below the waterline, and this is only when things have gotten really bad). My DH has a chronic illness, but only two of his very closest friends know. I am currently battling quite severe fatigue, but only one friend and two supervisors at work know. Anyone else, I suppose, would just think we're lazy.

I also am very, very bothered by mess and too much dust makes me ill which is a disaster, because if I do fall ill, I am sick for months. So I have strong incentive to keep things clean. But sometimes it really just gets on top of me (DH tries to help when he can he really stepped up this weekend! But he just can't manage much). And once a little mess gets started, it spirals out of control -- I start to get ill, I'm less capable, I do less, I get more ill, etc. I've picked up a new plan, which actually seems to be working, which is to clean beyond my ability at any sign of cold. For example, this weekend I had a bit of a sore throat, and so I even though it make me nearly vomit with the effort, I cleaned both bathrooms and the kitchen (all told, probably less than 2 hours cleaning, but it was far beyond my ability). DH hoovered for me while I lay on the coach and moaned that I had to get up and keep going, but kept falling down whenever I tried. I'll crash this week, and probably lose some hours at work, but that will only be a few days, which is better than months sick.

I also get very clumsy when I am tired, so it can sometimes be fairly counterproductive to try to, for example, do the dishes, because I'll end up spending all my energy on cleaning up the broken dish I dropped on the floor and have done nothing more than put two things in the dishwasher. It's better to let it go a bit longer in the hopes that I can find a time I can actually accomplish it.

This thread is making me feel like I'll never make friends :( I'd been feeling like I can't because I don't have the energy to socialise. But now I see I'd have to clean first. There is no way I could do both.

BabylonReturns · 17/09/2013 22:18

"Clean enough to be healthy, dirty enough to be happy." I live by that.

My mum had this on a plaque in the kitchen when I was a kid, and she was a foster carer/childminder with 5 under 5s in the house most of the time.

YoureBeingADick · 17/09/2013 22:21

I posted up thread what I do in my own house that takes an hour. it's a small 3 bed terrace with 1 bathroom. I have two dcs a hairy shedding dog and a cat. in 1 hour I do dishes and counters, bathroom (proper clean inc tiles around shower and bath), all inside windows and mirrors, dusting living room and 3 bedrooms, hoovering all floors and mopping all floors except my room and the stairs and landing because they are carpet. this is all done in an hour without me rushing at all. it takes so little time because it is tidy to start with. if I had to tidy washing or toys away it would take longer. I also posted one of the houses I clean that takes 90 minutes. I leave all my houses spotless- that's not bragging- it's just my job and I wouldn't get any work if I didn't. I don't know why people find it impossible to believe that this is true.

BabylonReturns · 17/09/2013 22:22

raggedymum I'd happily be your friend.

I don't judge anyone by their house or cleanliness or whatever.

Please don't feel sad, you sound like your plate is vey full already.

((((Hug))))

raggedymum · 17/09/2013 22:35

Oh, thanks babylon! That is so sweet. I was just panicking that I shouldn't have posted that as I'm scared to even let anonymous internet people know the state things can sometimes reach, but now I'm glad I did for your nice words :)

Obladee · 17/09/2013 22:41

But here's the thing -- you can clean up as much as you like, it doesn't last.
I'm regularly mortified if a friend comes round in the daytime and as we sit down with coffee at the kitchen table, I find out my DP didn't clear up his toast crumbs. I'm sure the same could happen with loos/poo crumbs, but I'm not in there with my friends to see their horror. It doesn't mean the loo has not been cleaned, just not cleaned since the pooping offence.

Happens.

HorryIsUpduffed · 17/09/2013 22:55

My house was spotless at 3pm. By 7pm, holy fuck. And I haven't tidied it again since then because I've been crippled with pgp flare-up from the first blitz.

My house stays beautiful on the days the DC watch a lot of telly. I'm not comfortable with that either.