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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why people can't keep their houses in a basic state of cleanliness?

526 replies

HarderToKidnap · 16/09/2013 12:26

Disabilities aside, why can't people keep their homes basically clean?

I work part time, have a messy dog, a demanding toddler, am extremely lazy but my house always looks OK. You couldn't eat your tea off the top of the door frames but the kitchen surfaces are clean, floors hoovered, sofas plumped and inviting, toilet free of poo crumbs. It's easy and doesn't take long. So WHY do I go round to so many of my friend's houses and see they live in complete pits? Gritty nasty sofas that are horrible to sit on, filthy kitchens, poo smears and crumbs all over toilet, minging hand towels, floors covered in bits. IT IS NOT HARD to do the basics. I've just done a house once over and it's taken 45 minutes.

I understand not wanting to spend all day dusting your books or whatever but when people are coming over why wouldn't you want them to feel clean and comfy in your house? I'm not talking about people that physically can't do it because of illness or disability, but the rest of you? WHY??!!!

OP posts:
Therealamandaclarke · 16/09/2013 16:48

Even when I employed a cleaner it only looked ok - ish after she left. The next day......
Cleaning is easy I think.
It's tidying that's the killer.

harverina · 16/09/2013 16:49

And 45 minutes would not be enough to do a once round in my house. 34 minutes would be enough time to clean the kitchen including hoovering and mopping Shock

Original poster
HarderToKidnap · 16/09/2013 16:49

On a more serious note, I did once ask my truly filthy friend whether she needed help... Conversation didn't go well at all. I was as sensitive as I know how to be but it was a very unwelcome suggestion....

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 16/09/2013 16:50

Was it Rooners? Grin

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 16/09/2013 16:51

I haven't read the whole thread, but my house is a mess, and needs cleaning because I suffer from depression, and I struggle to do even the basics at the moment - and I feel it is better for me to make the effort to cook a meal for the family than to clean the house.

And I know it is a vicious circle - I don't clean/tidy, and the house gets messier, and that depresses me. But I do not have the energy to do all that needs doing, and at the moment, it is too big a job - just thinking about where to start makes me exhausted and depressed.

Luckily I have understanding friends and family.

Therealamandaclarke · 16/09/2013 16:51

Also don't understand clean but untidy.
Ime one needs to tidy and then clean. So I'm never convinced by ppl who say their homes are messy but clean.
You can't clean around mess.
Well,I can't.

MadBusLady · 16/09/2013 16:52

Erm. You know we don't mean help with the housework, right?

deepfriedsage · 16/09/2013 16:52

OP would hate my dc bedrooms. I refuse to go in there. When I get plates, bowls, glasses and mugs back, I want to vom. I soak them in disinfect and question how that tidy girl lives like this? It is also a struggle to get her rubish and dirty clothes off her. I hope she doesn't run a home like OP's friends and my ex.

filee777 · 16/09/2013 16:52

Both working full time, two children and a love of spending time with them rather than bloody cleaning all day.

You have reminded me I really need to spend 1/2 an hour in the toilets tonight though so thanks for that!

Original poster
HarderToKidnap · 16/09/2013 16:52

Ok, now I'm interested... HOW can it take 34 minutes to clean a kitchen. Is it a mansion? Are you cleaning out the fridge and doing the oven?

OP posts:
WeeLors · 16/09/2013 16:53

I actually feel quite rubbish about the state of my house just now and its not even that bad. The kitchen is kept clean daily (although I tend to leave the day dishes on the side and do them just before I make dinner) and I give the toilet/bathroom sink a light clean most days but the house is dusty, constantly in need of hoovering and I couldn't tell youthe last time i mopped the kitchen or bathroom floor or cleaned the windows or oven. I'm also a little too slovenly about changing sheets/towels, although would never leave them til they're smelly. I don't even have the excuse of working, I'm a sahm. Unfortunately though I have a DS (10mths) who doesn't sleep, he's been waking up every 2hrs at night for months now and I'm exhausted and completely replete of energy for keeping on top of the housework. If it wasn't for OH I think the house would be even worse cos he keeps on top of things like emptying bins, changing sheets and putting away clean washing plus he tends to do the dinner dishes (the rule and in our house is if one cooks the other washes up).

Soooo, I could definitely be classed as one of those who has the time but doesn't bother cos I just can't be arsed. Basically any time I have to myself (DS1 is at preschool in the morning now and DS2 still naps a couple of times a day) is spent most days sitting on my bum in a tired haze telling myself I'll do xyz in a minute but invariably ds2 wakes up or I have to go out in the school run before I get round to doing it. I just need to suck it up and get on with it, think I'll check out the fly lady site.

BTW, before I had kids I had a lovely clean house, sleep deprivation obviously turns me into a slattern

Original poster
HarderToKidnap · 16/09/2013 16:54

Well I offered help with whatever...childcare, although I do a lot of that for her anyway, errands or whatever...just really didn't go we'll. She HAD expressed a huge level of dissatisfaction with the state of her house so it lead on from that. In retrospect she just wanted me to reassure her that her house was fine.

OP posts:
MurderOfGoths · 16/09/2013 16:54

SDTG Thank god for good friends hey? Would hate to have friends like some of the people on this thread!

FoxMulder · 16/09/2013 16:55

I do my cleaning at the weekend, but it really needs doing every day, but I'm too tired after work. That's why my house is a shit hole Smile

Varya · 16/09/2013 16:55

I work part time but since having cancer I have no energy for housework. Husband not helpful, dogs are our pets. Try
to do what I can in house and long garden but sleep badly
and have nil energy, so I guess I am one of those you would
avoid!

Rooners · 16/09/2013 16:56

'You think an extremely filthy house is fine, and your loo is covered in poo and guests can fuck off if they don't like it, I get it. Good for you! As long as you and your family are happy with, then fine, I just don't happen to understand.'

You've completely missed the entire point of my posts, there.
A concise list of what I did not say.

You couldn't make it up.

But whatever.

MadBusLady · 16/09/2013 16:57

Erm. Right, I suggest you (re)read SDTG's post, and think about it, and do your absolute best to develop your powers of empathy. Seriously, that breezy "I'm sure their houses aren't helping their state of mind" post was quite grim to read.

Pinkbutterfly31 · 16/09/2013 16:58

My next door neighbours once asked me to let their dog out as they were going on holiday. I walked into their house and I nearly died....the smell, oh god the smell. The carpet, which was once blue, had a layer about an inch thick of dog hairs and crumbs. There was stuff EVERYWHERE. The kitchen surfaces were covered in dirty plates all covered in mouldy food. There was shit (actual shit) all over the place and mud splattered up the walls. Their garden is like sleeping beauty's castle, with thorn bushes which grow over the six foot fence and into my garden.

I just can't understand how you could live like that without getting depressed. They seem perfectly happy with it - they've got no problem inviting people in. Every now and then, their youngest daughter would come over here to play with my dc. I would have to spray and air her bedroom afterwards because of the smell - very sad indeed!

fromparistoberlin · 16/09/2013 16:59

all your mates are mingers I say

that said I have a very dear friend. Her house is a fucking HOVEL though and I dont like staying there as I feel like I want to clean it.

she is NOT depressed just does not give a shit.

I love her to bits, but it baffles me how she can live like that

Charlottehere · 16/09/2013 16:59

We can't all be perfect. Hmm

YouTheCat · 16/09/2013 17:00

It's true though all it can take for things to fall by the wayside is illness or a change in circumstances and no support or unsupportive partners.

Then it all goes to pot and once you do get back on an even keel you can struggle to get things back to a maintenance level.

filee777 · 16/09/2013 17:00

It takes us at least 34 minutes to clean the kitchen! That's just a basic clean. With cleaning the floor and deep cleaning your looking at half a day minimum.

harverina · 16/09/2013 17:02

Can I add that if I went to a friends house and it was dirty my reaction would also be to offer help. You know the difference between people are just filthy and people who are struggling.

I didn't mean to write 34 minutes! That was a typo...but I could easily spend 45 mins in my kitchen at night after dinner - emptying and filling dishwasher, giving micro a wipe, cleaning work surfaces, cleaning my sink, Hoover and mop etc. and that doesn't include my oven which was not been cleaned for LONG time Blush

twistyfeet · 16/09/2013 17:03

Wait till the OP has teenagers Grin
I dont go in their rooms but periodically they come out with a stack of plates and cups with old food and mould on. And the buggers always do a skiddy after I've cleaned the loo.
But mostly its pretty messy but then I spend half my life in hospital with a sick child. It would be nice if friends came ad cleaned but I guess they are all judging somewhere.

member · 16/09/2013 17:04

when people are coming over why wouldn't you want them to feel clean and comfy in your house?

Most people would hope that a friend would value them for their conversation rather than how on top of the housework they are. In your case, perhaps they want you & your judginess to go ASAP? Smile