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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to hate 'Loose Plans'?

62 replies

MortifiedAdams · 15/09/2013 10:49

Evidently we are going for Sunday Lunch with the ILs today. I know where.....I dont know when. No one seems to.know when.

Raaaar!

We didnt do the inviting so feel.bad barging in and saying see you at X time.

Why cant planners make firm plans for their guests¿¡

OP posts:
NickNacks · 15/09/2013 10:52

Oh this really gets on my piss.

My in laws (all of them) are so vague I dread making plans with them.

Original poster
MortifiedAdams · 15/09/2013 10:54

I have a sinking feeling it may be down to DH but he is out atm so I cant grill him. When I asked for a time, I was told "whenever"

Sorry, I cant see that time.on the clock Angry

OP posts:
Turniptwirl · 15/09/2013 11:20

Yanbu I hate this too! It doesn't bother me when something happens, I just need to know!

ipswichwitch · 15/09/2013 11:28

It irritates the shit out of me, and after a particularly disastrous outing to the beach with ILs when we spent the whole afternoon waiting around for them to turn up/go shopping first/etc we have decreed that future outings will have a time attached and if people can't sort themselves out enough to show up on time, we crack on without them.
I would text them and say that since they don't seem to have a preference, we are going at x time, and you'll see them there.

Original poster
MortifiedAdams · 15/09/2013 11:29

Therell be eight of us too - how can they.not have decided / pre booked. And it includes two toddlers! Going to be a fecking nightmare.

OP posts:
HorryIsUpduffed · 15/09/2013 11:37

Oh God. At their house or "out"?

If "out", I can't be doing with not having a booked table. If "in", I want to know whether the DC need feeding beforehand.

Argh. I feel your pain.

PIL are kings of "late morning" or "mid-afternoon" which means your entire day's plans get fucked about. I say "we'll be sitting down at 1pm so come any time after midday".

CremeEggThief · 15/09/2013 11:38

YANBU. Make a plan, allow a few minutes leeway, but stick to it, people! Angry

HorryIsUpduffed · 15/09/2013 11:42

Crossposted with you. Eight people, including two toddlers, out for Sunday lunch, and they haven't booked?

:whimpers:

You'll try the first place, which will be full. Then you'll drive ten miles to another "naice" place, which will also be full. The toddlers will start whinging. You'll drive back five miles to a Harvester or Hungry Horse or something, and get a nearly-big-enough table near the toilets or right by the kitchen door. The food will be slow, and not particularly appetising after all that fucking driving, and the toddlers will have filled up on crisps/cereal bars dug out of the recesses of changing bags, so they will just play with theirs and want to run around. It will be Mortified that has to chase them, so she won't get anything to eat until it's cold.

At the end everyone except Mortified will say "Oh wasn't that lovely, we must do it again soon".

HumphreyCobbler · 15/09/2013 11:44

Grin Horry. That is very true

Original poster
MortifiedAdams · 15/09/2013 11:52

True! We have cut all the shite out and text to say we are putting dd down for a.nap.and will be free from two.

And said to.meet at the nearest Hungry Horse.

Ill save the naice places (which incidentally we have taken them to.in the past and booked a table and they disliked).) for when its just dh dd and I.

I have a voucher for comp three course sunday lunch for the three of us at a local posh hotel so will book that for next week!

OP posts:
needaholidaynow · 15/09/2013 12:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VenusDeWillendorf · 15/09/2013 12:13

Loose plans are better than loose bowels.

EndoplasmicReticulum · 15/09/2013 12:14

Oh, drives me crazy this. If you know that you want to take a hundred people out for lunch, why not book a table?

In-laws never get to eat at the time they want in the place they want, because it's full, or they arrive when they have stopped serving food etc.

And if you are taking toddlers out for a meal it's not generally OK to delay lunch until 2.30 because by then they will have gone "beyond it".

They are the experts at "loose plans" and I hate it. When they come and visit us I never know a) how many people are coming b) when they are arriving or c) (most important) - are they expecting me to feed them or not.

I don't mind feeding them at all, but I do surprisingly need to go and buy the extra food if four more adults are pitching up at mealtimes.

TheUglyFuckling · 15/09/2013 12:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Spaghettio · 15/09/2013 12:20

My FiL and SMiL are the best at this. "We'll meet you for lunch - early afternoon". This means 3 pm at the earliest - and they want a leisurely 3-4 course meal in a nice pub. That is lunch time for them as they don't get up until at least 11am.

We have three boys who are up at 7am at the latest. They need regular feeding and exercise otherwise they turn into moaning, whining monsters. Sitting at a table three hours after they've had lunch will not work for more than half an hour unless they have something to do.

PIL are the type of people that don't like children to play on games at the table, and will only just tolerate colouring in. They also want to discuss friends marriages and work stuff which is NOT entertaining for two 5 yo and an 8 yo.

Lunch with them is a nightmare.

HorryIsUpduffed · 15/09/2013 13:02

My grandpa on the other hand says he'll meet us in at 12.30, and when we get there at 12.29 he is already sitting at a suitably sized table with the right number of menus and children's menus and crayons, and we are eating by 1pm.

::sigh::

EndoplasmicReticulum · 15/09/2013 13:06

I'll go out with Horry's grandpa any day.

I think some of these relatives have forgotten that when you are dealing with small children ultimately your life will be easier if you feed them and entertain them, rather than let them turn into hungry, bored whingebags.

Original poster
MortifiedAdams · 15/09/2013 13:06

Horry can he invite me next time please?

OP posts:
HorryIsUpduffed · 15/09/2013 13:15

I know! If he didn't live 400 miles away we'd gladly see him every weekend.

My PIL are horrendous for forgetting how inflexible some children can be. In the same conversation MIL can tell me how DH and SIL had to have their tea at 5.30 every night without fail ... and then plan to have lunch at 2pm when we're on holiday with them and a toddler who generally has a sleep after he's eaten at 12pm. In the same conversation. [facepalm]

teacher123 · 15/09/2013 13:28

Loose plans very bad with toddlers. Late lunches very bad with toddlers. In fact DS will sit beautifully for exactly one hour between 12pm-1pm eating his lunch in his high chair in a restaurant or cafe. Anytime after that and it goes into NAPTIME and you have a manic overtired mess to deal with. I have pointed out to both sets of grandparents that if we're having lunch at their house it makes the most sense to feed DS at 12 and then the grown ups eat at 1 when he goes for a nap, then we all get to eat our meals nicely without being too stressed. It is gradually sinking in!

Original poster
MortifiedAdams · 15/09/2013 22:11

Well....it was dire.

Manic busy, long wait for table, even longer wait for cutlery (had our.food.in front of us), and lo....guess who.ended up playing with the kids.

OP posts:
SomethingOnce · 15/09/2013 22:15

At least they're consistent. SIL loves to organise other people but curiously she and BIL are frequently late.

HorryIsUpduffed · 15/09/2013 22:33

Oh dear. At the risk of saying "I told you so"...

Top tip: never sit next to your own children at family meals.

Original poster
MortifiedAdams · 16/09/2013 07:46

I know Horry.

OP posts:
pizzaqueen · 16/09/2013 07:56

yanbu. I text a friend last week 'I'm off work next week if you are free' he text back 'yes see you monday' I asked where/when but no firm plans made.

Now Monday's here and I have no idea where/when/what we're doing and he lives 30miles away (I assume I'm going there). DP is off work thankfully but usually would have childcare to organise too.

loose plans are typical of this friend as is cancelling last minute. Something to do with being young and single I thought. But from the IL stories here that rule doesn't seem to apply.

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