Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do I give this information to crime stoppers?

127 replies

Flumpyflumps · 15/09/2013 01:06

Ok, I've just found something alarming out and am in a bit of a tizz.
Back story is I have a history of drug addiction.
Someone I know has started selling cocaine, I found out by accident and clearly it wasn't meant for me to hear due to back story, but nonetheless I now have this info.

This person has children who are in contact with my DD through school, clubs etc.

Given I'm clearly not in a position to be judgemental as I have messy history with this drug, I still find it wrong.

Would you report?

OP posts:
Lj8893 · 16/09/2013 17:15

And I have also said several times that I am very anti drugs,and know all the damage they can cause.

shouldistayorshouldagonooooooo · 16/09/2013 17:36

How can you be anti drugs if you have taken them in the past.

You really have no idea of the devastation dealers cause family's. It's certainly not something I'm going to discuss with my kids... " hey kids stay away from them drugs but don't forget , the people that sell them and help you get hooked and get you in to vulnerable positions arnt really bad people , just desperate..... cos their kids say so "... Hmm

Lj8893 · 16/09/2013 17:43

Because I have taken them and I know what they did to me and what a bad place I was in while I was taking them, and that wasent even on a regular basis.
Because I have seen the damage and destruction they have done to others.

Of course I can be anti drugs even though I have taken them, what a weird thing to say.

I'm not suggesting anybody say that to anybody, and I wouldn't ever say that to my children. In fact I will really try to hide the fact that my child's grandad ever had such a history. I really wouldn't want them to know.

What my dad did was beyond bad, and I'm glad he got caught and served a sentence, he deserved to.
But as a person, if you disregard what he has done, he is not overall a bad person. He is a loving, funny, caring, friendly man who made a massive mistake that is unforgivable, but he is still a good dad, a good son, a good friend and he will be a good grandad when my baby is born.

shouldistayorshouldagonooooooo · 16/09/2013 17:54

Your missing the point entirely.

Would your dad have given you drugs? No? But it was okay for other people's kids to take them. Have you even seen a baby born with withdrawals? I have once many moons ago. It wasnt pleasant.

Maybe I shouldn't say he was a bad dad more like he was a bad person. I'm sorry if you think that's harsh, I'm actually being very cordial as I don't want MN police to boot me off.

Lj8893 · 16/09/2013 18:01

I've not once said it was okay for him to have dealt drugs to anyone, I have said many times that it was an awful thing and an unforgivable thing at that. Are you purposefully skipping those bits I've said?!

Yes, for dealing at that point of his life he was a bad person but that doesn't mean he was a bad person before or a bad person after.

Wallison · 16/09/2013 18:44

Lj I think you are getting an unnecessarily hard time from a few of the frothing puritans on this thread.

I know loads of people who have taken drugs, quite a few who have dealt, and only one or two for whom it became a problem. For most people, they dabble a bit and then decide to stop because they can't be arsed with it any more. Jesus, this thread is starting to read like 'Reefer Madness'.

shouldistayorshouldagonooooooo · 16/09/2013 18:44

lj88 I feel that you skipped over the fact that you took drugs, it wasnt all ways the drug dealers fault, your dad sold drugs, got sent to prison BUT he had been to prison, seen the light, cried a bit and now reformed but he was all ways a good dad caring and funny.

I'm sure most daughters/ mums/ wife's feel like that about their husband/brothers/son .

It's just a shame the teenage prostitutes looking for money for their next fix don't really get that second chance or an elderly lady getting her face smashed in because a drug addict is stealing her purse, but that's got nothing to do with your dad right?

Oh well as long as he has had a good cry and sorry about it all it fine!

Wallison · 16/09/2013 18:44

And I'm sure your dad is a good dad if you say he is; I don't know either him or you but I've got no reason to doubt your word on that score.

Lj8893 · 16/09/2013 18:47

Thank you wallison

My dad is extremely guilty for what he did, he knows the damage he could have caused and is very thankful he didn't cause anything too extreme. That's not to say it should be forgiven and forgotten but he has served his time and learnt majorly for his mistakes.

whatever6 · 16/09/2013 18:50

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Wallison · 16/09/2013 18:50

It must have been very hard for him to be separated from you all like that, and he will live with the consequences for the rest of his life. I think that's quite enough punishment for him to be going on with, and I hope that you and he have many happy future times in your relationship together.

Lj8893 · 16/09/2013 18:52

I skipped over the fact I took drugs because I really really regret that time of my life and am very ashamed of it.

I'm so glad you have done nothing wrong in your life shouldi and I really hope that your children never make any stupid horrible mistakes in thier life because clearly you wouldn't ever be able to forgive them because they are "bad people"

Isabeller · 16/09/2013 18:53

Thank you for prompting me to reread the 12 steps of NA. This is what they made me think.

It seems to me that focussing on yourself and your recovery is a good place to start. What will keep you mentally, spiritually and physically safe?

Are you obsessing about a drug and access to it? Would it be helpful to delete the numbers from your phone?

It is not your job to be the police or social services. If you have been considering that reporting this information is part of making amends for past collusion you also need to consider not causing further harm (to yourself or others). Have you a sponsor who could help?

You have an opportunity to carry a message (not necessarily at this stage by talking to the person of course) what is the message of recovery you want to carry?

You can put yourself in the hands of a higher power, on this occasion that might be your therapist. Remember the 3 cs and, of course, take what you like and leave the rest Smile

Good luck x

Lj8893 · 16/09/2013 18:54

Thankyou whatever

As much as I am ashamed of some of my past and my dads past among other things not relevant to this thread I like to think that these things have helped make me the person I am today. Nasty parts of life, but its life experience all the same.

shouldistayorshouldagonooooooo · 16/09/2013 19:01

lj88 drugs have cursed my family. My brother died in a motor bike accident while he was on coke and pills .
His gf went if the rails and started having partys at her house and there was an incident where it was thought her LO had taken one. By the grace of god she hadn't .

My uncle turned to heroin and I would gladly shoot him if I ever saw that cunt again. He took every fucking penny my nanna had saved all her life.

So I choose to do voluntary work at a youth center had help with the shocking drugs problem out teenagers face.

So yes I fucking hate scumbag drug dealers .

mignonette · 16/09/2013 19:04

Flumpy

Be aware that your own past might cause you to be drawn towards involving your self in the world of drugs and this can manifest as an over preoccupation with the substance use/misuse activities (alleged) of others.

Make very sure you are able to distinguish between a legitimate concern about what your friend might be doing as opposed to you possibly gaining a vicarious contact w/ drugs via her. That doesn't have to mean you would be vulnerable to acquiring drugs from her, just that you need to maintain your distance physically, emotionally from all drug users.

Now I know that you accidentally got these texts but you clearly are in the early stages of recovery and yet you have the text numbers of friends who may well be using. You should consider blocking these numbers whatever else your decision.

Bear in mind that should you decide to report, the consequences to you may be your remaining preoccupied about drugs in that you will wonder what will happen etc and this is not the healthiest thing for you.

I am an RMN who used to work in this field and this is what I would be asking you to consider were you still my client.

shouldistayorshouldagonooooooo · 16/09/2013 19:11

Tbh if you response is " well I knew drug dealers, takers and they were fine only a couple fucked up " I'm not surprised you think it's fine.

Lj8893 · 16/09/2013 19:19

Tbh I think the first time anybody takes or deals a drug they have fucked up.

shouldi its horrible what has happened to these people close to you, and its stories like yours and personal stories that I'm not going to go into that make me very anti drugs like I have said. It's also a major part of why my dad will forever live with the guilt of dealing, everytime he hears or reads a nasty story he thinks "what if i had caused that".
Thankfully he gave it up and served his sentence before he caused anything like that but that doesn't make his acts any less forgivable.

I don't think its "fine" for anybody to take or deal drugs. In fact I think it is very selfish to put it very very politely.

Original poster
Flumpyflumps · 16/09/2013 19:20

Mignonette I've been hoping you would come on!
It is two separate issues thanks so much for your post!
I am actually due a new phone and am going to pick it up tomorrow with a new number so coincidentally this has been dealt with.
NA very useful today and still pondering what to do for the best x

OP posts:
Lj8893 · 16/09/2013 19:23

I'm really sorry we have hijacked your thread flumpy.
I hope you make the right decision for you.

quietlysuggests · 16/09/2013 19:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Isabeller · 16/09/2013 19:24

YY mignonette

V glad you are getting a new phone OP, someone is looking out for you Smile

Original poster
Flumpyflumps · 16/09/2013 19:28

I am LOOKING for trouble?? Looking fr it??

I went looking for nothing I was focused on my own recovery and as an addict I found it disconcerting and ironic that this text made its way to me by accident.

Looking for trouble... Absolutely not

OP posts:
mignonette · 16/09/2013 19:28

I wondered if it was you Flumps but didn't want to say anything.

There's plenty of time for you to decide but have a good think about why this is preoccupying you-try to be brutally honest with yourself about it.

Think about how things have been going and whether you are 'due' a blip. Sometimes when things go smoothly it can be subconsciously unsettling and we can end up trying to stick our foot in the spokes of the wheel.

Try to keep this in its 'place'. Not too much pondering because that is a concern. Allocate yourself a period of consideration then move the subject out of your mind. You'll have your strategies, try to use them.

Glad to hear about the new phone. Life post drugs has lots of 'housekeeping' making sure all those influences and 'pulls' are swept out of the door when they come in.

FreeWee · 16/09/2013 19:33

The person dealing is the person responsible for making you feel caught between a rock and a hard place. If she wasn't dealing this wouldn't be preoccupying your thoughts. IMHO the only way to put this out of your mind is to report. Mignonette totally take your point but if she doesn't report will she stay preoccupied wondering if the dealer is still dealing for even longer? Only Flumpy can decide I guess.