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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do I give this information to crime stoppers?

127 replies

Flumpyflumps · 15/09/2013 01:06

Ok, I've just found something alarming out and am in a bit of a tizz.
Back story is I have a history of drug addiction.
Someone I know has started selling cocaine, I found out by accident and clearly it wasn't meant for me to hear due to back story, but nonetheless I now have this info.

This person has children who are in contact with my DD through school, clubs etc.

Given I'm clearly not in a position to be judgemental as I have messy history with this drug, I still find it wrong.

Would you report?

OP posts:
harverina · 15/09/2013 11:53

Haven't read the whole thread but just wanted to say that, just because you have done so thing wrong in the past, does not mean that you are never allowed to make judgements or have opinions ever again.

I wouldn't hesitate to call 101 with the information - I believe that children with drug dealing parents are always at risk in some way by association.

HorryIsUpduffed · 15/09/2013 12:01

You don't have to say who's buying the drugs, just who's selling. And if she dobs in whoever supplies her then she'll definitely get off more lightly and so on.

I really really don't get why you haven't already rung Crimestoppers, which is completely anonymous. Please.

Original poster
Flumpyflumps · 15/09/2013 12:07

The reason I haven't immediately reported is because I don't know the full facts, it's all just on one thing that may be a one off and I should keep my big nose out.
Then again I do know what this stuff does to people and couldn't forgive myself if the kids got theirs hands on it by mistake.
Think I may just phone them anonymously and leave it there.

On that note I'm off to NA.
Thanks for the support if anyone else has any other perspectives please post!
X

OP posts:
Wallison · 15/09/2013 12:09

I wouldn't. Just because something is illegal doesn't mean the person who supplies it is wrong. It also doesn't mean that their kids are 'living in squalor' or whatever else was written upthread. Do you know this person? Do you know that their children have a less than optimum life just because their parent does something that has been classed as illegal? If not, I would butt out. Obviously, if the kids are being neglected or exposed to undesirable circumstances, that is different. But just dealing a bit of nose candy does not automatically make someone a bad parent.

Wallison · 15/09/2013 12:13

Also, if this person gets a custodial sentence, then their children could be taken into care. Unless you know that their children will be better off in care, then you are unleashing all kinds of consequences that would have a devastating effect on the family for no good reason.

Lj8893 · 15/09/2013 12:15

I can understand your predicament.

What she is doing is wrong, and the only person to blame is herself.

However, from a personal point of view, and I'm going to be very honest here.
My dad got caught dealing, I didn't live with him and I was a teenager rather than a child dependant on him.
But it was still awful for me, and although I still loved him, I lost all respect for my dad and hated that I had to visit him in prison on a weekend while my mates were doing normal things with thier parents.

He missed my gcse results, my first day at college, several shows I was performing in and my 18th birthday.

My relationship with him only got worse when he came out of prison but its a great relationship now thankfully.

He only has himself to blame for what happened to him, but in a way I do feel bitter about the people who reported him.
Yes, it was his own fault and I blame him, but I missed a several years of a relationship with my dad.

And I was a teenager not living with him, there was no social services involved there. I can't imagine what it would have been like for me if I had been a child.

It doesn't really answer your question I'm sorry, I would be feeling exactly the same as you!

Ireallymustbemad · 15/09/2013 12:26

Just because something is illegal doesn't mean the person who supplies it is wrong.

Seriously?!?!?!

Branleuse · 15/09/2013 12:36

I wouldnt. Its not my business. I wouldnt approve, but without knowing any further about whether it was in the house, or away from the children or not, I wouldnt make assumptions or risk someone going into prison.

I would avoid the person, but ultimately there are many other things here and it isnt black and white, so I would keep out unless I thought children were actually definitely being exposed.

Wallison · 15/09/2013 12:37

Yes, seriously. Adults make up their own minds about these kinds of things - there's a demand for cocaine because people want to take it. Therefore supplying it to a person who has decided they want some isn't, in itself, an intrinsically 'bad' act, just because someone somewhere has decided that that particular substance is classed as illegal.

Wallison · 15/09/2013 12:38

I agree with Branleuse. Obviously if the children's safety/well-being was compromised, then that is a different matter. But the bald fact of dealing doesn't necessarily mean that this is the case.

HorryIsUpduffed · 15/09/2013 12:42

Except that drug supply doesn't exist in a vacuum - it's tied up with organised crime, people trafficking, etc at a higher level. If drugs were legal those associations wouldn't apply and a drug dealer would just be a trader.

RedHelenB · 15/09/2013 12:43

The text you received came from someone wanting drugs & then the reply was from the same person wanting drugs> if I understand your post? So how do you know who it was meant for? Or that it was talking about cocaine? Not sure what there actually is to report tbh if that is the case.

RiffyWammal · 15/09/2013 12:48

How do you know it's coke? It might have been 5 grams of weed they wanted.

Ireallymustbemad · 15/09/2013 12:52

Except that drug supply doesn't exist in a vacuum - it's tied up with organised crime, people trafficking, etc at a higher level

Exactly. Even if the person lower down the pecking order, ie this woman appears as just a 'trader' there is so much more behind that. Not to mention that a high percentage of theft and muggings and other 'smaller' crimes are perpetrated by addicts needing money for their next fix.

A thoroughly unpleasant business and I think you should report.

RiffyWammal · 15/09/2013 12:52

"Just because something is illegal doesn't mean the person who supplies it is wrong.

Seriously?!?!?!"

Homosexuality used to be illegal. Where practicing gay people wrong then? And now they're not wrong because it's legal?

Morality is not black and white, in my opinion. Actions that are illegal can be harmless while actions which are legal can be immoral and hurtful.

Original poster
Flumpyflumps · 15/09/2013 13:16

Riffy that's a good point I don't know for sure it could be my past that made me jump to that conclusion.

OP posts:
kali110 · 15/09/2013 19:10

So if its weed it makes it any worse??
I started to smoke weed when i was young. It bought on my depression. I went from being really happy teenager to miserable overnight. I wish id never done it!10 years on i still struggle with my depression.
Im sorry but selling them does make her bad. How are they a good example for their kids?
What happens if druggies turn up to her house and get violent?what happens to the kids then?people would be moaning then that why had nobody interfered etc

NonnoMum · 15/09/2013 19:15

I think part of your dilemma is that your friend would have a strong inkling it was you that reported her???

Bit naive about drugs but could 5g be a lesser drug, like cannabis??

HorryIsUpduffed · 15/09/2013 19:30

Abortion used to be illegal in the UK. While it was, it was bloody dangerous. Now it's available in sterile conditions on the NHS and is medically straightforward in most cases.

The morality is exactly the same, but the legality does matter.

sarascompact · 15/09/2013 19:37

Don't report her, providing you won't complain when it's your kid who she pushes to and who dies as a result or when it's your elderly mum who gets punched, knocked over and her pension stolen by someone desperate to feed their habit.

Drug dealing doesn't exist in its own little bubble, there are consequences to it. Weapons, prostitution, abuse, violence are all linked up. If you're not part of the solution you're part of the problem, in my opinion.

kali110 · 15/09/2013 20:02

Agree there sara. Though i do feel for op as she hasnt asked to be part of this. Can understand her being worried about it coming back to her .

Original poster
Flumpyflumps · 15/09/2013 20:36

There's 2 things that point towards me reporting, my past and the mistaken text, so yes it is difficult.
I am worried that dd gets invited over or to a party or something like that.

I CANNOT have any traces anywhere near me.

Counsellor thinks it would be wrong of me to ignore this.

OP posts:
Lj8893 · 15/09/2013 21:08

Can I just say how much I hate this generalisation that all drug dealers push to kids!!!

My dad did alot of things but never pushed to anyone, and certainly not kids!

kali110 · 15/09/2013 22:44

Dont blame you at all op.lj8893 your right not everyone pushes to kids.however people who buy them may do, kids who buy them and end up sharing them with other kids.

sarascompact · 15/09/2013 23:39

Can I just say,Lj8893, that when I say "kid" I mean "offspring of any age". Your did did push to kids. Every single time he sold a speck of a drug, he pushed to a kid. Every user is someone's child. I don't suppose that knowing that your child was 21 when she died of an OD or a dodgy batch is any more of a comfort than knowing that she died at 15 due to it.