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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To give dd2's present to dd1?

175 replies

JessicaWakefield1 · 09/09/2013 22:01

Dd2 is 2months old, along with being given numerous new clothes from well meaning friends and family she also has her older sister's hand me downs.
Dd1 is in desperate need of new autumn/winter type clothes. DH's aunty gave dd2 £100 in Next vouchers when she was born wibu to buy dd1 clothes with dd2's vouchers? It would help a lot tbh as we are struggling due to me being on maternity leave so couldn't really afford to use the vouchers on dd1 and just put the same value away for dd2.
We also need new bedding and some nice Next bed sheets would be lovely but that feels very wrong.

OP posts:

cantspel · 10/09/2013 12:54

no she has said she cant afford to spend £100 on dd1 as well as dd2 not that she is hunting pennies down the back of the sofa

OnTheBottomWithAWomensWeekly · 10/09/2013 12:54

on a planet where you don't take from your children

Really? Did you have a straight face when you typed that? Take from my children!

You're hilarious.

Maryz · 10/09/2013 12:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cantspel · 10/09/2013 12:57

Yes it is taking from your children. A gift given to a child is just that not a family present or extra income.

solarbright · 10/09/2013 12:57

Cantspel - wow, that does exert an extra amount of control-freakery over gift-giving. You're the giver, so you are free to remove tags and avoid vouchers, of course, so no one can do anything you wouldn't approve of. But I can still eBay your gift, right?

cantspel · 10/09/2013 13:01

If the family needed to eat it would entily different but op wants some next bedding. No one ever died because they had to buy tesco polycotton.

Nor at any time has the op said she is on her uppers. She just doesnt want to waste the voucher on stuff dd2 doesn't need.

Maryz · 10/09/2013 13:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cantspel · 10/09/2013 13:04

solar it wouldn't be an issue in my family as i know they have the same view as me any other gift i give i would like to think of the child enjoying it rather than being swapped for something for mum.

If i gave a gift on the birth of a child the mum and child would get separate presents and i would be upset if the mum took what i had given to a child as well.

cantspel · 10/09/2013 13:07

Mary no it is not selfish to give to a child. It gives them a nest egg to start their adult lives with if monetary gifts are put away for them.

Maryz · 10/09/2013 13:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jan49 · 10/09/2013 13:10

I would spend the Next vouchers on what you need to buy for dd1 but put an IOU/note in a money box saying you owe dd2 £100 and replace it eventually. I don't see money or vouchers given as presents as money to be pooled or just "for the family". My ds sometimes gets given vouchers for shops that he'll never want to buy anything from so I spend them on me or the house but give him the money to replace them.

If I give someone money for a child, I wouldn't expect them to spend it on another of their dc, but if they were struggling I'd entirely understand if they did so.

solarbright · 10/09/2013 13:13

If you give a gift, you just give it. You don't ask after it or how it's used. It is now theirs to do with as they see fit. That's what giving a gift means.

If it will really upset you, then it's best to restrict gifts to within your own family or start cutting off those tags. My DC are now old enough to understand that they can sell on or return things given to them, and they do that every time there's a birthday or Xmas gift they do not want or need. (After they've written a nice thank you note, obviously.) Clearly now the money goes to them, as they are old enough to have their own cash and their own things.

OnTheBottomWithAWomensWeekly · 10/09/2013 13:16

It's mean spirited, is what it is. I honestly wouldn't want you to give me a gift, with that attitude.

QuizteamBleakley · 10/09/2013 13:17

One week after DS2 was born I was given a voucher (by my lovely, childless, gorgeous friend) for a high-end (fnar) lingerie shop. I lifted my top, showed her me saggy norks and wobbly belly and, without a word, she took back the voucher and gave me £50 so that I could go and (in her words) "Get some scaffolding and apple gatherers from Marks and Sparks and a bottle of red from the food hall." Love her. The point, really, is that even the most well-intentioned gift ("Hey new Momma, get your sexxxxxy back on") might not be what that person / child / family needs at that point in time.

cantspel · 10/09/2013 13:17

yes but you give a gift to that person. If the child is old enough to choose to swap it for something else then it is their choice and they still get whatever they have swapped it for. But if it was a younger child who had something taken away and swapped for a new hairdryer for mum that is completely different and would not be how i intended my gift to be used.

cantspel · 10/09/2013 13:19

QuizteamBleakley again different as the gift giver had the choice to swap what she was giving. She might not have been so happy if your husband had then taken the £50 and bought himself the latest ps3 game.

solarbright · 10/09/2013 13:20

cantspel - I just want to take a moment out of this disagreement to say how very much I like your user name!

cantspel · 10/09/2013 13:22

solar thankyou

have some that i have taken the gift tag off

MissManaged · 10/09/2013 13:23

would you really want the money to go to the child. Even if that meant the whole family going hungry, or an older child doing without new shoes?

ummm......this might be just a teeny-weeny bit over dramatic. A family is now going to starve for want of spending a gift voucher [sceptical]

The question, surely, is how the OP planned to clothe her child before auntie donated £100 to the pot?
A gift is a gift ...not a donation to the cause.

(and actually, I often add a note to vouchers, usually to say "make sure you spend this on yourself, not the kids!!")

solarbright · 10/09/2013 13:25

I never return cake. Ever.

Maryz · 10/09/2013 13:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 10/09/2013 13:49

Cantspell Please please don't cut the tags off. My ds is 3 months old, on the 98th centile for height and is in 6 - 9 month clothes.

He was given loads of lovely newborn / 0 - 3 month clothes when he was born which he grew out of in (what seemed like) days so I swapped some for 3 - 6 months.

I also swapped some long sleeves for short sleeves.

It just seems such a waste that clothing doesn't get worn because the buyer misanticipates the weather or the fact that the child grows like a weed.

kali110 · 10/09/2013 13:58

Not sure i would do it but i dont think be bad for using the vouchers to buy both of your kids something. I wouldnt use them to buy myself expensive things though.
I dont think little kids know the difference from hand me downs and new clothes.
Think when they reach senior school then maybe nice for them to have few new things. I remember having to hold my head high from merciless bullies, however didnt stop me feeling like shit everyday.

pigletmania · 10/09/2013 14:08

Yes your dd needs new clothes and you are broke, I absolutelwould use that money for that.

fabergeegg · 10/09/2013 14:14

I would do exactly what I wanted to with the vouchers if I were you.

I just don't care!

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