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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give dd2's present to dd1?

175 replies

JessicaWakefield1 · 09/09/2013 22:01

Dd2 is 2months old, along with being given numerous new clothes from well meaning friends and family she also has her older sister's hand me downs.
Dd1 is in desperate need of new autumn/winter type clothes. DH's aunty gave dd2 £100 in Next vouchers when she was born wibu to buy dd1 clothes with dd2's vouchers? It would help a lot tbh as we are struggling due to me being on maternity leave so couldn't really afford to use the vouchers on dd1 and just put the same value away for dd2.
We also need new bedding and some nice Next bed sheets would be lovely but that feels very wrong.

OP posts:
2beornot · 10/09/2013 07:05

DS had LOADS of stuff bought for him including some nice outfits from next, they were lovely but as he had so much stuff I took them back and bought myself some new tops. My reasoning was that he really didn;t need it, I really did, at the time and I bought breast feeding tops so he was benefiting from them. I really don't remember giving it that much thought or worrying about it, at the time though.

I would be really annoyed if I was the present giver in this case. If I had spent time choosing something for the new baby and you swapped it and not even for something else for them?!

But OP, YANBU just using common sense!

siblingrevelry · 10/09/2013 07:17

If you're skint like us, family money is a communal pot (and therefore vouchers are the same). When we're flush I buy clothes/toys for whoever needs/wants, so spending vouchers given to one child on another child is just moving money around one big pot (like uni savings-it's better that we spend the money we'd saved for college now on getting the house fixed, as it'll only be our money that's used when they need it in the future anyway).

As a middle child, and with three children myself I can laugh at some of the overly-precious statements on here. Don't feel sorry for subsequent children, hand me downs are a non-issue for kids. You've given them siblings and a loving home; they'll always have someone to play with and criticise you to, so get over the fact that their pj's have been worn before (and for the op: whatever you buy from next will last through multiple children so your daughter will benefit in a few years. Supermarket stuff is a false economy as it won't be good to hand down after one child. And mom & dad getting a good, comfy sleep is an investment for the whole family, so knock yourself out. Who knows when you'll be able to replace your bedding again)

mynameisnotmichaelcaine · 10/09/2013 07:21

Pmsl at the idea of a 2 month old being somehow aware of missing out here. OP YADNBU.

wonderingsoul · 10/09/2013 07:22

i would spend it on both of them,

waltzingmathilda · 10/09/2013 07:26

There is no issue with spending money that comes into the family on the whole family.

OrangeMochaFrappucino · 10/09/2013 07:34

I'm a third child. All photos of me show me in my sisters' handmedowns. It has never bothered me in the slightest! My pfb wears his cousins' old clothes. What is the sense in spending a lot of money on brand new things if they aren't needed?

Whenever I give a new baby gift I intend it to benefit the family. I'd much rather a new mother had comfortable sheets or breastfeeding tops than a baby have an unnecessary fancy new outfit that they'll grow out of in minutes. Likewise, I'd be delighted that an older sibling got a winter coat that will no doubt benefit the younger child later anyway. Spend the vouchers where they are needed!

teenagetantrums · 10/09/2013 07:44

I would spend them on whatever you want, if I gave someone a voucher for their baby, I wouldn't care if they spent it on themselves, I am really giving the present to the parents. Im sure you will spend money on your DD when she needs stuff. babies don't care about clothes.

HappyMummyOfOne · 10/09/2013 07:45

I think YABU, the gift was for a certain child and not for the parents to spend themselves. Since discovering people do this on MN I mo longer give cash or vouchers to children which is a shame as some like to go shopping themselves.

Presumably pretty much everything the older DD has is new whereas the younger DD gets everything used, perhaps the giver knows that and wanted the DD to have new too.

Surely things cant be that tight that you cannot afford a coat for your DD given you have just gone on to have another child, how would you have purchased it if you didnt have the voucher?

IneedAsockamnesty · 10/09/2013 08:26

This is why I no longer give cash or voucher gifts to children.

DanceLikeJohnTravoltaNow · 10/09/2013 08:29

I like my friends take on this. Anything that comes in is family money and she will decide what it is spent on and refuses to feel guilty because they save for their DC anyway. YANBU.

LauraChant · 10/09/2013 08:44

YANBU Buy what you like.

The idea that children will be sad because they will be wearing clothes that are three years out of fashion! I don't recall clothes from 2010 looking that different from now I have to say, and anyway a babygro is a babygro.

There is absolutely nothing sad about wearing handmedowns. My family used to enjoy looking at photos and seeing the same dress, for example, passed around all the cousins. Sometimes we couldn't wait to get something.

OnTheBottomWithAWomensWeekly · 10/09/2013 08:48

Don't listen to the people here who say not to, I can't imagine what they are thinking; spend everything on an infant who has no need of it and go without the rest of you, apparently.

Go spend it. On whatever you like. And ignore the utter rubbish about the poor deprived newborns wearing their siblings clothes....Hmm

PeacockPlumage · 10/09/2013 08:59

If my children grew up to be so unpleasant and entitled as to scrutinise pictures of their toddler years and note what they are wearing, if it was new or not, and then create an issue out of it, I'd be sad and very disappointed.

The suggestion that you go to the bother of selling dd1's perfectly decent clothes, to have money to buy someone else's just so your dc don't recognise items in photos 10 years hence makes no financial, practical or common sense.

Each dc in this family has all they need, when they need it, including love, warmth, food and appropriate, clean clothing. I hope to goodness that is what they focus on when they look back on their early years.

Op You are the adult responsible for providing your dc with what they need, when they need it, with the resources available to you. You do as you see fit.

PiddlingWeather · 10/09/2013 09:03

YANBU. In fact, when i was a kid, if a family member was going through a rough patch,other gift-giving family members (usually grannies and aunties with decent pensions) used to deliberately give vouchers for the kids, with the words 'I just thought you'd know what DC needed more than I would, and sure get yourself a little something while you're at it'

The unspoken message being 'you're broke, but we know you'll not take money from us,so we're still going to help you out, under the guise of giving your kids Argos vouchers'

PiddlingWeather · 10/09/2013 09:07

Why on earth would any child look back on photographs and feel unloved or upset because they were wearing hand me downs? Why would you teach your child to care that much? It's not like they are being forced to eat their older sibling's leftovers.

thecakeisalie · 10/09/2013 09:09

To me it makes sense to use the vouchers for clothes that your DD1 needs than buying more clothes for DD2 that she doesn't need. As you say I'd probably buy a really nice outfit for DD2 then spend the rest getting clothes that your older DD actually needs.

I seriously wouldn't worry about hand me downs either. DS2 has an entire cupboard of hand me downs from DS1 and he doesn't care because he's 2. Lets face it as long as he's dressed what does it matter. I think its a terrible waste to buy him all new clothes when we have perfectly good second hand. I did buy him some new stuff when he was little but the older he gets the more pointless its become!

OnTheBottomWithAWomensWeekly · 10/09/2013 09:09

If your kid does that, you've gone badly wrong somewhere along the way. And not by spending vouchers.

MrsPnut · 10/09/2013 09:10

I'd just use the voucher for anything that the family needs never mind who the voucher was given to.

A baby needs so very little that any voucher may well expire before they need new clothes.

BinarySolo · 10/09/2013 09:44

If it was me I'd feel uncomfortable buying sheets/clothes for myself, but would be happy to buy for a sibling. I'd still get something new for the baby too I think.

If I'd given the voucher then I think I'd be a little put out by it not being spent on the dc, but I wouldn't mind which child got the clothes. I actually think it's nice for the older sibling to get a treat when there's a new baby.

mynameisnotmichaelcaine · 10/09/2013 09:50

I give vouchers without a second thought to what they are going to be spent on. Tbh if the receiver swapped them for money with a relative who would be more likely to use them it would not bother me in the least. As far as I'm concerned, once you give a present, it ceases to be any of your business what gets done with it!

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 10/09/2013 09:51

You should buy what you like - after all, if you chose £100 worth of clothers for dd2, she might not like what you chose anyway Wink

SuzySheepSmellsNice · 10/09/2013 09:58

YANBU at all... As you say, DD2 will benefit from the clothes too. When DS was born, I spent my Xmas and birthday Next vouchers on clothes for him as I was feeling fat and frumpy and postnatal all loved up with my beautiful newborn. The vouchers were meant for me, but I reallocated them as I saw fit. No problem...

GrandstandingBlueTit · 10/09/2013 10:01

There isnt anything wrong with hand me downs, but sooner or later second/third/tenth children will wonder why their new clothes are suspiciously similar to something older sibling wore when it was fashionable 3 years ago, or why older sibling is the only one who has new things bought for them.

Grin Hilarious.

Meanwhile, in the real world, actual kids couldn't care less about three years's ago clothes, if they tried.

OP, YANBU. Just go ahead and do it.

mynameisnotmichaelcaine · 10/09/2013 10:09

Disclaimer I am 41 weeks pregnant, so probably less tolerant than your average Daily Mail reader at the moment, but I think some people's attitude to hand-me-downs really encapsulates what has gone wrong with the world. We care far too much about stuff these days, and not enough about what's really important. I totally include myself in this analysis, since I have far too much stuff myself, and like to have nice new things. But we have pretty much ruined our economy and are quickly working our way through the world's resources because it has become commonplace to think that we need new things for new babies, or a new phone every year or so.

I gave not two hoots that I wore my brothers old trousers for playing out in. I would much rather that attitude still prevailed than that of DD's friend who refused to wear anything other than Ted Baker at 6 years old.

weeps

gets back to bouncing on birth ball

GaryBuseysTeeth · 10/09/2013 10:15

I'd buy a coat with the vouchers.

Hold off on the naice bedding until dd2 is older, you just KNOW she'll find your make up bag and ruin the new stuff now.
Wouldn't feel comfortable spending dcs vouchers on stufff for me.