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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

man shouted at my 3 year old for kicking

999 replies

ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 14:53

I took my children to chessington. and was in que for the ride. my 3 year old daughter had been kicking the man in front of us. ( i had not seen) He turned and shouted at her 'stop kicking me,don't you dare kick me' his tone and voulume of voice was a bit over the top. I told my daughter you don't kick its naughty. Then i told him she is 3 years old if there is a problem you talk to me not her. The woman who was with him said they have to be firm with their child because of some special needs he has and i said that may be your situation and you may need to talk to your son that way, But that does not mean its ok to talk to my child that way.

OP posts:
Original poster
ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 18:15

coco27 brat so children are brats how lovely

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 08/09/2013 18:15

You have not answered at all. Now you're being flippant.

SilverApples · 08/09/2013 18:16

Brat means brother in Russian.

duchessandscruffy · 08/09/2013 18:17

You haven't answered what you were doing - you said your attention wasn't on her so you didn't notice the kicking. That's not answering the question.

ilovesooty · 08/09/2013 18:20

I once used my death stare on a child who was repeatedly kicking my seat on the plane. His father responded by saying weakly to the child "Please don't do that, mate..."

And he went on doing it. I wish I'd had the nerve to say something.

LegoDragon · 08/09/2013 18:20

Tbh, I can see that it would be hard. Although you should have apologised and made her apologise (and stopped it before it got to that point!) it seems unfair to cancel the rides and day, it is punishing the other children. When I was little, that happened to me a lot- other siblings acting out, and because we were with one parent, that ended the day. Caused a lot of resentment. If she hated the buggy and you explained because she couldn't be trusted not to kick people, she'd have to be in the buggy to stop her kicking (rather than saying- because you were naughty, you have to go in the buggy) then I think that's fine.

And judging spelling isn't really on. It's just MN, it isn't a CV or whatever, I spell badly when typing quickly because I have dyslexia too- as you can see, I can spell, but it takes triple the time to writing quickly with mistakes but still having an understandable post.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 18:21

i dont rememer what i was doing,.. maybe i looked at my other child... maybe i pointed at something... maybe i looked at the sky thinking it looks like rain.. maybe i looked up to see how much further we had to go. maybe i was picking my nose...

OP posts:
needaholidaynow · 08/09/2013 18:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BeanandGone · 08/09/2013 18:24

It's all a bit oppressive this thread......feeling a bit sorry for OP now.

OneStepCloser · 08/09/2013 18:25

snort Grin

OneStepCloser · 08/09/2013 18:26

ha ha I mean Grin

duchessandscruffy · 08/09/2013 18:28

God, that was one big bogie you were fishing out if you didn't notice your child kicking a stranger for long enough that he felt the need to turn around and tell her off!

FamiliesShareGerms · 08/09/2013 18:28

Ok, I'm not saying that the OP's DD is a brat all the time. And I think suggesting parenting lessons is a bit OTT - who here is perfect all the time? And I suspect that all adults involved in the exchange were a bit flustered and embarrassed - it's not a pleasant experience for anyone.

But however innocent she is, the fact is that OP's DD thinks that it is ok to stand there and repeatedly kick a stranger. It's not. It's seriously not. It's bad enough when they kick their siblings, but a grownup stranger? Sorry, that is seriously bratty behaviour.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 18:28

thank you legodragon. it is really hard because i cant punish the other children for what she does. and also i don't think it is right to punish a 3 year old all day long. as soon as we got of the ride she was in her buggy. the thing is she could not be in the buggy for long because your not allowed to have the buggys in the ques. so all i could do what tell her it was wrong and strap her in a the buggy for a short while. that was all i could to because of the situation.

OP posts:
MissDD1971 · 08/09/2013 18:34

Your flippancy and lack of knowing what your DC were doing OP is what narks me.

If a child had kicked YOU what would you do?! Politely inform parent and accept no or an apology?

I've put up for years with this wouldn't shout but if if hurt and if it was repeated I'd swear maybe and also say stern words to both parent and kid. This would be due to frustration at child not stopping it, parent not paying attention/caring and me being hurt.

I think that's what most of us would do. Or we'd be quiet and ignore.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 18:35

familiessharegerms... this is partly my point none of us including me . dont know how many times she kicked it could have been the once. this man could ave had a very short temper... when they started getting chatting in the que. they had back pack with them that they had put on the floor my daughter touched a bright badge on it. and the man pulled the bag away in a horrible way. and gave her a right nasty look so to me that says very short temper... its been said that she must have kicked him a good few times for him to react that way.. but its not been said that maybe he had a short temper

and no its not on for a child to kick an adult stranger same as its not on for an adult to shout at a child.

OP posts:
Youhaventseenme · 08/09/2013 18:36

Maybe you had your face in your phone, texting or FBing.

MissDD1971 · 08/09/2013 18:38

OP with respect but your DD shouldn't be touching others backpacks etc whether they belong to the nasty man or not.

Well IMO anyway.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 18:38

youhaventseenme... i have already said i was picking my nose

OP posts:
MissDD1971 · 08/09/2013 18:39

Anyway I'm off but just want to say "I was here". Lol in exasperation.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 08/09/2013 18:41

missdd1971 yes i agree. i did tell her not to touch and i moved her to the other side of me. i just gave it as an example. that on its own is nothing i was just trying to point out that he seems very short tempered

OP posts:
working9while5 · 08/09/2013 18:43

Ilovesooty I would if the kid kept on at it but I would say it to the adult when they're preschool because tbh it is the adult who is more in the wrong in that situation. I think shouting at the kid is a bit cowardly in this context. Takes more guts to say firmly 'please stop ypur child from kicking me, it's not on'. Am a bit Hmm aboutsome of the posts where he is practically being proclaimed as some sort of workaday hero.

I'll tell you what, bet he has hardly given it a second thought and is certainly not debating its reasonableness or being suggested for parenting classes. It all seems a bit of a crappy mishandled grown up stress moshpit to me. Lives weren't lost. Meh. Some people seem to really have got stuck into it though!

WorraLiberty · 08/09/2013 18:43

and no its not on for a child to kick an adult stranger same as its not on for an adult to shout at a child.

And I think that's something you're probably better off agreeing to disagree about with many of us on this thread OP.

I think it's perfectly ok for an adult stranger to raise their voice to a child when that child has been naughty to them.

As long as they're not bending down and getting in their face, a loud stern reprimand is fine in my books.

Who knows, the child might actually learn from it...thus doing you a big favour in the end.

MissBeehiving · 08/09/2013 18:43

YABU OP

I will tell children off if they're doing something that they shouldn't especially if the parents aren't with them or aren't paying attention to what's going on.

On holiday a couple of weeks ago I saw a child (8 or 9) throwing stones at the ducks at Versailles. I told the boy to stop it (in French, natch). He looked suitably chastised and stopped it. It was about 10 minutes later that I realised he was American Grin

MissDD1971 · 08/09/2013 18:43

Ok fair enough OP.

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