to think that girls only parties at 3 are not the norm?

[Redpipe]

I have a 3 year old boy and there is a party for one of the girls at his nursery. The nursery only has 8 kids in his area. They do all their activities together and get on well (as well as 3-4 year old do!). All 6 girls have been invited to one of the girls party but neither boys have been invited because apparently "the party is just for girls and will have a girly theme"

AIBU to think that party invites by gender are not the norm for this age and just help to start the whole boys are different thing. I can't put my finger on it but it just doesn't feel right to me.

[SirChenjin]

This thread is about 2 children being excluded on the basis of their gender. If you plan to start another thread about excluding adults of 48 on the basis on their gender then let me know and I'll head over to that too

[Crumbledwalnuts]

what? it's about sometimes girls want to be with girls and sometimes boys want to be with boys

do you disagree with this for some reason?

[Crumbledwalnuts]

excuse me - sometimes females want to be with females and males want to be with males, of course

[JoinYourPlayfellows]

IME 3 year olds are really into their own gender and then by 4 they are over it.

I was like you and didn't expect that or see it coming.

But DD1 didn't want any boys at her 4th birthday party, but a year later definitely did.

DD2 is 3 now and is really down on boys to a ridiculous extent (despite that fact that "some of her best friends are boys")

She's always trying to leave her Dad out of things because "boys can't do X, that is only for GIRLS"

This has not come from us and has not come from nursery (she hasn't started yet).

I don't know where she's picked it up from.

But I think it is not as unusual as you might expect.

[NiceTabard]

But lots of people don't separate their lives by gender in "normal life". Lots of people socialise with both sexes. Enforcing sex segregation at age 3 - and enforcing strict gender roles - can only be negative.

What about the children who don't enjoy the things that their gender role prescribes? What about the girls who want to pretend to walk the plank and the boys who want to sit quietly and do some drawing? All this stuff does is give them the message that there is something wrong with them.

What's wrong with just having a party for children with jelly and musical statues and cake?

[SirChenjin]

No, I don't disagree with girls or boys wanting to be with their own gender sometimes - but I disagree with separating boys from girls based on themed parties at such as young age for all the reasons I've already given upthread.

Interesting that you don't seem to think it's an issue - so I guess we'll have to agree to differ otherwise we'll be here all night with neither of us changing our viewpoint

[BrokenSunglasses]

It is negative to be defining children by gender at aged 3.

I disagree. All children need to be defined as individuals for all the great things about them, and whether you like it or not, their gender is a part of that.

[NiceTabard]

But there is no one gender role.

Not all girls like pink and sparkles.
Not all boys like boisterous play.

To enforce gender roles amongst such small children is to limit them, not to make them individual.

[JoinYourPlayfellows]

I have to say though, that as the parent of a 3 year old, I would definitely NOT allow her to exclude her boy friends from a party like that, no matter what she said she wanted.

It's mean to leave a couple of kids out. Although thankfully at 3 they probably won't realise it has happened.

I did let DD1 only invite girls from nursery to her 4th birthday party, but as far as I could tell, she was mainly friends with girls at nursery.

[SirChenjin]

Agree NiceTabard - and on that note I'm bowing out to go and chat to DH (a boy, no less )

[DuelingFanjo]

I think it's sad. I already see my son being pushed into sticking with his own gender at nursery and he's not even three yet.

[Crumbledwalnuts]

"Enforcing sex segregation at age 3 - and enforcing strict gender roles - can only be negative."

The only people who are talking about forcing are the ones who want to force her to have boys and not to have a fairy party.

[BrokenSunglasses]

What about the children who don't enjoy the things that their gender role prescribes? What about the girls who want to pretend to walk the plank and the boys who want to sit quietly and do some drawing?

Those children are free to do the things they enjoy doing, and they deserve to be encouraged and supported in doing the things they are drawn to. But you can't achieve that by telling a three year old child that the girly pink princess party that she is desperate for is a bad choice and she should have an under the sea theme instead. You'd be telling one child that their choices weren't appropriate just in case another child is ever made to feel that their choices are inappropriate, and that just doesn't make sense.

[Crumbledwalnuts]

"What about the children who don't enjoy the things that their gender role prescribes?"
what, like mine? They're fine. We had princess parties (for a girl) and football parties (also girl) and a boy in a dress and no one was forced to do anything except not ostracise people who'd be upset

[NiceTabard]

She is 3. Three.

We're not talking about her 18th birthday!

In my experience of 3 year olds they are more than happy with a standard party. Also IME it is the parents who go for the competitive party / themes type stuff. The kids are happy with pass the parcel and a couple of mini babybels.

Am totally to all of this. Really really glad that I have only encountered a couple of parents with such a narrow view of children based on their sex.

[Crumbledwalnuts]

This one wanted a fairy party. Why shouldn't she have one?

[NiceTabard]

You are all assuming it was the child's choice to have a princess theme and to excluded 2 of her friendship group.

Not sure why.

We are talking about three year olds here.

[Crumbledwalnuts]

Why are you assuming it wasn't?
Three year old's have preferences. Have you ever had one?

[Crumbledwalnuts]

A three-year-old, not a preference.

[NiceTabard]

Because it's a PITA for other parents, buying costumes.
Because it excludes 2 of her 8 friendship group.
Because is sends the message to tiny children that boys and girls are fundamentally different and can't (and shouldn't) mix.
Because they are three and segregating at that age is terrible.

I am So So glad that it is not like that around here. Here the boys and girls play happily together, and socialise based on whether they like each other. Parties are "neutral" or if themed have a theme which can fit both ways. Things like animal parties are popular, or superheroes.

[NiceTabard]

I have had two.

Both have always had mixed parties. They are very cheerful thanks and do not seem to be impeded by a dearth of fairy costumes in the wardrobe

[Crumbledwalnuts]

You canNOT be serious nicetabard.

[Crumbledwalnuts]

And now you think all children should be like yours or ELSE.

[pigletmania]

It is a bit strange, usually when they get older the genders might divide. I've always had mixed parties myself