to think that girls only parties at 3 are not the norm?

[Redpipe]

I have a 3 year old boy and there is a party for one of the girls at his nursery. The nursery only has 8 kids in his area. They do all their activities together and get on well (as well as 3-4 year old do!). All 6 girls have been invited to one of the girls party but neither boys have been invited because apparently "the party is just for girls and will have a girly theme"

AIBU to think that party invites by gender are not the norm for this age and just help to start the whole boys are different thing. I can't put my finger on it but it just doesn't feel right to me.

[TheYamiOfYawn]

At 3, my daughter was at the absolute peak of godliness, and I had to work really hard to stop her from excluding boys who cane round to play. A year or two later, the boys seemed to go.through a similar stage and excluded the girls from their play. I think it was a sort of group identity thing - she also wanted to spend time with people of similar age, height, sibling status, hair and eye colour. She grew out of it.

I think she's had a couple of boys at her parties, but not many as her close friends are all girls and she is allowed to invite no more guests than her new age plus one to any party.

[missmapp]

talking about sex and snogging at 7th parties!!!! At ds1's 8th party they just talked about lego and skylanders!! ( oh and girls joined in the conversation!)

[SirChenjin]

If she wanted a fairy party and no boys, why not?

Because as parents it's up to us to guide them at aged 3 and say 'no' to anything that is inappropriate or mean. The OP has specifically said that the 6 girls and 2 boys play together and do all of their nursery activities together, but the mother has decided to exclude 2 children out of 8 not because of limits on numbers but on the basis of their gender because they won't (as she has decided) fit in with the girly theme

[diddl]

OP-does this girl play with either of the boys outside of nursery?

Does your son care, or do you?

I'm a shit parent by MN standards, I think.

I've never done a "class" party, & I let my kids invite who they want(space/finances permitting)

[Artandtravel]

Ridiculous. I'm picturing a girl whose mother only dresses her in pink. Don't invite her child when it's your son's turn to have a party. it might sound petty, but it might give her something to contemplate. If she says anything, you can say you thought she was uncomfortable with her daughter going to parties with boys present. if this is her attitude now, what will she be like later? My DS is 9 and has had both girls and boys at all his birthdays.

[SirChenjin]

I wonder where the little girl is getting the idea that there are girl themes and boy themes at such an early age from - or why (if she were so set on a theme) couldn't she have gone for a general fancy dress thing or a princess and prince theme if she had to do the whole pink thing?

[Floggingmolly]

That is not normal for 7 year olds, MrsCakes

[Floggingmolly]

They'd hardly have been scarred from being included either, sunshine

[baddriver]

I think it's fine to invite whoever you want to your party.

I think you need to try to get over your feelings of exclusion/hurt etc.

This is nursery. You need to teach your child (and yourself) resilience as you will surely need it through the school years.

[BrokenSunglasses]

I don't think it matters whether its 'the norm' or not.

If the family wanted a single sex party, then there isn't really a good enough reason for them to host a party that isn't what they want.

I don't see the point in pretending to children that the two genders don't do things separately in normal life. There are lots of things that older children and adults do with only people of their own gender, and I don't see why that has to be seen as such a bad thing that we should protect our very small children from.

As adults, we don't give a second thought to going out with our girlfriends only, or going to play golf or something with a group of other men. People enjoy being with groups of their own sex as well as socialising in mixed groups, and there's nothing wrong with that.

In answer to the question OP asked about whether it would be ok to only invite six out of a group of 8 if they were all girls (or boys presumably), then personally, I think it's much worse to leave out two of a group if they are all the same gender than it would be to leave out two because they were a different gender. That's because I could tell a girl that the boys were having a boys only party much easier than I could tell them that they weren't invited because there is some reason they don't want you there.

[Crumbledwalnuts]

Meh, it's neither inappropriate nor mean.

[SirChenjin]

No, there will be plenty of boys (and some girls) who would not want to go to a princess party dressed in a pink sparkly dress - so why not make it a "come in your favourite dressing up outfit" party, rather than buying into this whole 'girl theme/boy theme so you can't come' guff when they are only 3?

[Backtobedlam]

My dd is also 3 and she is very anti boys, even though (or perhaps because) she has a brother. She has asked many times to just have girls at her birthday party, despite the fact when she's with a mixed group she actually often chooses to play with the boys. We'll never have a girls only party as obviously that would exclude her brother, I think it must just be a phase.

[Crumbledwalnuts]

"No, there will be plenty of boys (and some girls) who would not want to go to a princess party dressed in a pink sparkly dress - so why not make it a "come in your favourite dressing up outfit" party"

because it's her birthday and she wants that - one must assume

[SirChenjin]

Allowing a child a mind of their own which means that at aged 3 they are allowed to exclude 2 of their classmates because they are the wrong gender? No thanks. There is enough gender stereotyping already, I wouldn't encourage that in my children at such a young age and I certainly wouldn't have bought into it.

[SirChenjin]

My DCs wanted lots of things aged 3. As their parent it was up to me to guide them away from something that was negative.

[NiceTabard]

But why not invite girls to a "pirate" party?

What about the girls who aren't interested in dressing up in pink sparkles?

Why force 3 year old children into such rigidly defined gender roles? It makes no sense.

[Crumbledwalnuts]

It's not negative. See post above from Broken Sunglasses.

[Crumbledwalnuts]

I've got a girl's night out coming up soon. Maybe we should all invite our husbands in order not to be negative

[SirChenjin]

It is negative to be defining children by gender at aged 3.

[Crumbledwalnuts]

But not at age 48?