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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to scream if someone mentions dd2s hair again

27 replies

softlysoftly · 07/09/2013 08:56

Dd2 was growing beautiful longish hair with whispy baby ends (15mnt) with dd1 I didn't trim hers until about 3.

Picked her up from MILs a week ago and she now has an uneven unflattering bob at the back.

I wasn't happy wept all way home but she enables me to work so swallowed my tongue.

But every single person comments on it, on repeat, I've told People what happened aibu to snap next time?

OP posts:

CruCru · 07/09/2013 08:57

Jesus. That would piss me off big style.

omwards · 07/09/2013 08:59

If your MIL is cutting your baby's hair, I wonder what other problems you'll have with her providing childcare.

Clobbered · 07/09/2013 08:59

Perhaps you could go and get it tidied up at a hairdresser so that it isn't so remark-worthy.

Next time someone mentions it I recommend the old MN standby "Did you mean to be so rude?" or a variation thereof.

Did MIL cut it herself? Definitely not on to intervene without your permission. I don't think I could say nothing - you are very restrained not to scream at her.

RemindMeWhatSleepIs · 07/09/2013 09:03

You need to tell your MIL that decisions on haircuts are your responsibility in the future. Be firm. She may enable you to work but that doesn't give her free rein to do things you don't like.

You have my every sympathy, my in laws are idiots with strong opinions too. I'm in the lucky position that I've been able to fit my work arrangements around me, DH, my Mum and nursery. I couldn't cope with my in laws attempts to walk all over me.

Pawprint · 07/09/2013 09:04

Oh my goodness, that is awful. You need to tell her the ground rules - she may help out with the childcare but that doesn't mean she has overall responsibility for your dcs.

Doilooklikeatourist · 07/09/2013 09:08

MIL cut DDs hair once when she was a toddler .
DD is 16 now and I still remember the fury
Hold a grudge ? Oh no not me .

Though a friend did tell me ( when I was ranting on and on about it )
It could have been worse , she could have pierced her ears ...

Nanny0gg · 07/09/2013 09:13

Just because she is providing childcare it doesn't mean she can make decisions about your DD's appearance.

Did you ask why she did it? What did your DH say? I would be telling her, politely but firmly, that hairdressing decisions are not hers to make.

And if it does look bad, take her to the hairdresser. They can tidy it up till it grows back.

mummymeister · 07/09/2013 09:19

good heavens that was restrained OP. I would have gone ballistic.

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts · 07/09/2013 09:58

Your MIL cut her hair??! Oh god, that would drive me loopy. Even my MIL wouldn't dare do that.

Original poster

softlysoftly · 07/09/2013 12:03

The next day I did gently approach it and just got "it looked wispy at the ends" I liked the whispy baby bits :( I am very much looking forward to school next year so I can do childminder instead financially can't do nursery for 2 at the moment.

Doilook don't say that, she's been muttering about girls ears being pierced by 4 in their culture, DD1s birthday was Thursday...... I have very firmly said not until 12+ 30 and would go batshit if it happens.

OP posts:

Original poster

softlysoftly · 07/09/2013 12:05

Oh and yes a home cut job I do need to go to hairdresser I think to sort it.

OP posts:

Nanny0gg · 07/09/2013 20:03

Why did you gently approach it?

If you don't get cross, won't she just take liberties again? What did your DH say?

phantomnamechanger · 07/09/2013 20:08

Before I found MN, I would never ever have imagined that MILs or even maternal GMs would ever even consider cutting someone else's child's hair. I mean, what a cheek! They are dictating their opinions of how you should bring up your child, not only just by saying/suggesting things but going behind your back and doing them so you cant say no! I would be absolutely livid.

frogslegs35 · 07/09/2013 20:34

That's just bloody awful - I'd have been furious that she didn't bother to ask permission first.
I understand that you're tied due to childcare but I think you need to say something to her, even with a forced smile as you say it - If she was willing to take such liberties with YOUR childs hair - what's next?

In answer to your question YANBU - people shouldn't be so rude anyway.

Mumof3xx · 07/09/2013 20:36

I am now in fear that someone will cut my dds hair even though she only has a cm ATM lol

How did you not go bananas!

Fairylea · 07/09/2013 20:41

I would have been absolutely livid.

Just because she is providing childcare doesn't give her the right to cut your child's hair. Would a childminder take it upon themselves to do that? Absolutely not.

You need to tell her how angry you are.

Lilacroses · 07/09/2013 20:50

My ex mil did this. I was absolutely livid but I was a doormat back then. I still cannot get my head around why she thought it was acceptable. It is crossing the boundaries big time imo. You should tell her, my own mum looked after Dd when I was at work but would never have done this.

Jbck · 07/09/2013 20:53

My Dad did exactly the same thing when DD2 was about 20 months. DD1 was almost bald till she was about 4 but DD2 was like a mini Brigitte Bardot from about 12/14 months, she was very pouty and had this big head of really full blonde hair. I loved it and it always sat really nicely and hadn't been cut but I just swiped it to the side with a clasp.

My parents used to mention maybe she needed it cut but not regularly and they knew I loved it, one day she kept pulling the clasp off and my Dad said she couldn't see out of her fringe so he cut it!

I was fizzing but they are so good with kids I just had to bite my tongue. I made it clear it was not to happen again. I really dd want to shout WTF but held it in.

She's 5 now but Im not bitter about it

MammaTJ · 07/09/2013 20:55

My DP took my DD to his parents for a week. She had stunning waist length hair and now has a shoulder length bob! DP took her to MILs granny styling hairdresser and MIL paid for it.

All the comments have been positive though and I would like it on another child, so am trying to be reasonable.

In your case, YANBU to be upset by this. Please make sure she understands that this is not acceptable, you are letting her off this time without a big row, but if anything like it ever happens again, then that is the end!

Mumof3xx · 07/09/2013 21:02

Gosh I am not liking how common this sounfs

Blueberryveryberry · 07/09/2013 21:02

YANBU to be upset. Let her know you need to agree to any haircut, be nice but firm.

Capitola · 07/09/2013 21:05

OMG! I would have gone NUTS.

Never, ever would my mil do anything like this. Outrageous.

ElBombero · 07/09/2013 21:05

OMG she did this without your permission? I would be seriously pissed off, fair enough if it was just a trim but to do the first cut and so much, I'd have gone sick

cees · 07/09/2013 21:07

I would set your mil straight about any future hair adventures she plans for YOUR daughter and I wouldn't be polite in the least, she needs to know she cannot cross the line.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 07/09/2013 21:10

My mum did this to DD1 when I was in the hospital having DD2.

All this time DMum has been making me feel unreasonable for being so livid.

I love feeling so vindicated.

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