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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

That you should of helped

246 replies

bongobaby · 06/09/2013 14:08

Was running 10 minutes late past school pick up time and rang my friend to ask if it would be okay
If my dc could stop at her house til I got there to collect him from her house. She said no,she was going out and couldn't, fair enough.
Anyway I got to the school and no sign if him, I got held up at a hospital appointment that over ran when it shouldn't of as it was at 1.50 pm so plenty of time I thought to get back.
I got a call a disgruntled call from my friend to say that dc had turned up at her house.
Turns out that her husband opened the door and wouldn't let my dc in as he thought that I had sent my dc round there and then her husband said that my friend was out. But my dc heard her from the kitchen talking.
My dc asked if he could get her to ring me and tell me that he was there.
I know that I was in the wrong for not being there on time , but I would never do that to a child who had the good sense to go to a friend for help in this situation.

OP posts:
Wuxiapian · 06/09/2013 17:23

She's no friend, OP.

Don't be so easily available for her when she wants you!

QuintessentialOldDear · 06/09/2013 17:24

In my sons primary, children not picked up on time wait in reception. They would not just leave the school.

I also dont understand why your dc would have gone home to your friend without prior arrangement from you, when friends children were still in school at the after school club!

So what is it? Did you tell your child to just go to friends house if not picked up on time? If so, you must have known you were running late.

Tee2072 · 06/09/2013 17:27

The child is certainly old enough to have decided on his own to go to friends house when mum wasn't at pick up. Especially if the school just lets them out without checking there is a parent, which it sounds like they do at his age.

And quite right, too.

AlexReidsLonelyBraincell · 06/09/2013 17:28

Op I apologise to you for my participation in derailing your thread, it's quite obvious you're feeling confused and upset about your long term friend's behaviour.
What you do not need at a time like this is people adding not much helpful content and yet seeking to pick apart your grammar.

It happens time and again on here, it's rude, unnecessary and makes some MNetters look like tools!

To say "I'm sorry to be pedantic, but..." No, you're clearly not sorry, you're judt loving getting the boot in.

usualsuspect · 06/09/2013 17:29

The OP has already said her DS sometimes walks part of the way with his friends.

expatinscotland · 06/09/2013 17:30

Thing is, the 'friend' is in the habit of springing her kids on the OP. She's a user.

So now it needs to be clear to her, 'The one time I asked you for help, you said no. That's fine, but you lied to me. No more favours for you. You spring your kids on me, I'm reporting you,' because then she'll just not bother asking the OP by sending them her way.

And feel no shame in doing this OP, because this person isn't a friend.

AlexReidsLonelyBraincell · 06/09/2013 17:33

I don't know if you would feel comfortable speaking with your friend about today op? She may have a good reason for it, she may not. You can make a more informed decision on how to progress your friendship (or not) from there. I'd definitely hesitate to do her so many favours in the future.

Your Ds made a sensible decision in going to somebody he knew and trusted, just ensure he knows to go to a teacher if there is ever a next time. It's a shame, but we can't always rely on the folks we think we can.

AlexReidsLonelyBraincell · 06/09/2013 17:35

So now it needs to be clear to her, 'The one time I asked you for help, you said no. That's fine, but you lied to me. No more favours for you. You spring your kids on me, I'm reporting you,' because then she'll just not bother asking the OP by sending them her way.

This ^
Clear and definitely to the point. It needs saying. Grin

MNHQ
KateSMumsnet · 06/09/2013 17:40

AHEM

TheCrackFox · 06/09/2013 17:42

I would follow Expat' s advice.

Tee2072 · 06/09/2013 17:48

Yes. What Expat said.

And Kate seems to have caught Olivia's bad throat, with added link! Grin

expatinscotland · 06/09/2013 18:11

I would also schedule an appointment with the school's head and have strong words with the head about their policy. And bring it up with the PTA.

Get your child his own key, teach him how to use it and how to get hold of you on your mobile. You can make a bracelet for him to keep in his bag with beads that have your number on it if you don't want him to have a mobile just now.

We live in a small, rural village and recently, a man has followed three children, separately and on three different occasions, of about your son's age who were walking alone.

Original poster
bongobaby · 06/09/2013 18:12

For years now I can see our friendship was one sided. I always take her shopping, hospital/doc appointments, school visits, friends houses. A lot of the time no petrol money offered, or a please or thanku. It's just assumed I will do it. One time I did say I couldn't do something for her she never spoke to me/ answered my calls/text for a while afterwards . Some might say why be friends with her then? I suppose i am niave.Well it certainly has taken what has happened to give me a slap in the face as to was it really a friendship?
I'm gutted that a few posters think that my grammar is wrong, it's not intentional.

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 06/09/2013 18:15

For goodness sake expat, a 9/10 year old is plenty old enough to go home alone if parent is happy with it, talk about wrapping kids in cotton wool!

WreckTangle · 06/09/2013 18:16

Our school let the children just walk out the gate from Primary 2 (age 5/6) It's only the p1's who are accompanied to the gate to wait for a parent.

I don't think yabu at all op. you know what to do next time she asks you for a favour. I have 1 or 2 friends I can call if I'm running late and vice versa. Your son didn't exactly demand to be let in her house for a drink and biscuit fgs. Some people.

expatinscotland · 06/09/2013 18:23

'For goodness sake expat, a 9/10 year old is plenty old enough to go home alone if parent is happy with it, talk about wrapping kids in cotton wool!'

She said he was 7.

expatinscotland · 06/09/2013 18:26

Do you feel able to confront her, bongo? If not, cut off her gravy train. Just refuse to do anything more for her. She springs her kids on you, send them back to her house or ring her/text her and tell her to come and get them.

Honestly, you must be very firm with her as she is a pisstaker.

RedHelenB · 06/09/2013 18:31

No. expat, if you read the thread she said he was Y5 ie 9/10 years old. Think someone else mentioned the age of 7

expatinscotland · 06/09/2013 18:34

And she was not happy about his going home alone. That's the point. So speak to the head because others were also shocked that the policy is to let them lose without an adult or permission from the parents to walk home. But please continue trying to derail the thread and make it personal aside from the OP and her issues with this 'friend'.

Hmm
AvonCallingBarksdale · 06/09/2013 18:53

If he's in year 5, he must be 9 and, possibly, nearly 10. OP, I think a chat with your DS about what he should do in future, should a similar situation arise, would be useful. Your "friend" may have had her reasons but I don't know many people who would turn a friend's child away on their doorstep! Don't worry about the grammar cops - if you're bothered it should be should have etc etc, but that's not really the point of the thread, is it!

RedHelenB · 06/09/2013 18:53

But at that age a child is old enpugh if they weren't met to go back into school to say. Juniors in most schools are just let out, infants teachers ensure they go to an adult.

happyyonisleepyyoni · 06/09/2013 18:55

I can't imagine a scenario where I, my DH, or any of my friends would turn away a 9/10 year old on the doorstep. Find some other friends OP!

Original poster
bongobaby · 06/09/2013 18:59

ds now has keys to home should I ever not be there for him. I should of rang the school but was in a bit of a rushed panic. And because they let them out on their own anyway I thought ds would of waited for me. He didn't, wrong of him. But he did what he thought was best and went to a friend. Not to put his feet up snd stay for dinner,or impose on them. Just for help in a time of need.

OP posts:
MissStrawberry · 06/09/2013 19:03

OP, did your son know that your friend was going to be out so he wasn't to go there or did he just think he would go with the friend anyway and they could stay alone at the house?

Original poster
bongobaby · 06/09/2013 19:03

ds now has keys to home should I ever not be there for him. I should of rang the school but was in a bit of a rushed panic. And because they let them out on their own anyway I thought ds would of waited for me. He didn't, wrong of him. But he did what he thought was best and went to a friend. Not to put his feet up snd stay for dinner,or impose on them. Just for help in a time of need.

OP posts: