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Original poster

That you should of helped

246 replies

bongobaby · 06/09/2013 14:08

Was running 10 minutes late past school pick up time and rang my friend to ask if it would be okay
If my dc could stop at her house til I got there to collect him from her house. She said no,she was going out and couldn't, fair enough.
Anyway I got to the school and no sign if him, I got held up at a hospital appointment that over ran when it shouldn't of as it was at 1.50 pm so plenty of time I thought to get back.
I got a call a disgruntled call from my friend to say that dc had turned up at her house.
Turns out that her husband opened the door and wouldn't let my dc in as he thought that I had sent my dc round there and then her husband said that my friend was out. But my dc heard her from the kitchen talking.
My dc asked if he could get her to ring me and tell me that he was there.
I know that I was in the wrong for not being there on time , but I would never do that to a child who had the good sense to go to a friend for help in this situation.

OP posts:
PurpleGirly · 06/09/2013 19:09

The thing is none of us know what was going on - kids in after school club, parents at home, said "no" to OP, talking in kitchen (phone or visitor?).

The friend was put in a situation which would really have angered me. She said NO. That means no. In normal circumstances the friend may have helped but none of us know what was happening in the house.

The OP surely knows that she is in the wrong - perhaps looking to blame someone else for her mistake?

Original poster
bongobaby · 06/09/2013 19:13

Miss, no ds didn't know she wasn't going to be out as her house always has somebody in. He took a guess and was probably thought it would be ok. Point is that they both lied to him making out that she had gone out. I'm at a loss as to why they would do that. It was only going to be while I was ten minutes away and I literally turned up when she did phone to tell me he was at hers.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 06/09/2013 19:18

So she regularly relies on you to do on the spot favours but lies to you the one time you ask her to do one for you?

Seriously, OP, time to start telling her 'no'. From the sounds of it, she fucks off the second you aren't doing what she wants, anyhow.

Listentomum · 06/09/2013 19:22

If her children are I. After school club till 5 then why would she be at the school to be able to get your son anyway. And if she is collecting from school at 5 then food shopping then she would have been home when you dds turned up. It doesn't make sence.

Original poster
bongobaby · 06/09/2013 19:23

Purple. I asked if she could, she said no because she was out doing the food shopping, I said ok. Ds went there without knowing. Her husband said she was out picking her dc,s up from school and not in. She was in and her dc,s were in after school club for another hour and a half. So lying.
I'm hardly looking for someone else to blame for yes my mistake of which I have said.
I can't see why it would of angered you if a child had knocked on your door looking for help..be it a friends child or a random child, I myself would of helped.

OP posts:
Whocansay · 06/09/2013 19:25

She is not your friend. She is a user. Cut her off and start telling her 'no'.

And ignore the grammar police. I don't understand the posters who like picking OPs up on spelling and grammar when they are asking for help. It takes a special kind of arse to do that.

Jinty64 · 06/09/2013 19:33

If any friend asked me to collect their child as they were running late it would not matter what was happening or how inconvenient it was, I would do it. It's every mothers worst nightmare. She could have waited at the school with the child until OP arrived to get him if she didn't want him in the house. Yes, OP should have realised there was a good chance of running late and should have phoned the school but that's what friends are for.

I wouldn't do her any other favours and start looking for new friends.

In our school children are taken to the gate to meet the parents for the first week. After that they are let out of the class room when the bell rings. The onus is on the parents to meet them or have them met. The only children kept back are the ones going to the after school club.

somersethouse · 06/09/2013 19:34

It just doesn't make sense. None.
Her Dc's are in afterschool club, as a poster above said, she would not have been there anyway.

Surely you would have phoned the school. Why didn't you just phone the school... I am sorry, I do not get it,
If the friend never does you favours why would your Dc go there.

somersethouse · 06/09/2013 19:37

Also, if you had posted saying the story (having phoned school and asking them to make DC wait) I may have felt differently about your friend, although she is still entitiled to say no FGS. But she said no and you did nothing.

Do you see what I mean OP?

Nanny0gg · 06/09/2013 19:37

I understand you being upset with your 'friend' but the bottom line is, you should have a plan in place for this kind of thing. And the safest thing would be for your son to stay at school till you collect him - unless you are happy for him to have keys to maybe have to let himself in at home and stay there alone till you get there.

PopiusTartius · 06/09/2013 19:40

This thread is madness.

a) It was your responsibility to PHONE THE SCHOOL to tell them you wouldn't be there on time.

b) If you have a system where your son routinely walks part of the way on his own/with mates (so you're clearly not there on time all the time, are you?) then why on earth would you expect him to wait on school grounds if you weren't there? What you've said doesn't add up.

Discuss with your son now what you want him to do in future if you are not there, as is clearly often the case. Either he is allowed to start walking on his own or he isn't but NONE of this is your friend's responsibility. It sounds to me like they were already feeling pissed off with you. Only you know what that is but I suspect we are not getting the full story.

And I am SITTING ON MY FUCKING HANDS about the grammar.

Listentomum · 06/09/2013 19:42

Similar senario I call diss can you grab dd for me I'm literally 10 mins away....sorry I'm not at school docs have football training. Ok no probs.

I then call school in my case I'm running late old make sure dd waits for me in reception. Dd much younger so n our case I would call school. I'm running late could you get message to ds to wait for me at home.

No confusion or upset...

Listentomum · 06/09/2013 19:43

Arg iPad I will proof read next time

TakingThePea · 06/09/2013 19:45

I would never get my partner to lie to a 9/10 year child alone on my doorstep. YANBU to be upset with your friend. Make sure your DC always waits at school from now on.

Some people on this website are so uppity.

ProjectGainsborough · 06/09/2013 19:48

Ok, everyone has already picked up on the fact that it's obnoxious and irrelevant to point out the flaws in someone's OP. So I won't do that.

I think regardless of whatever issues you might have with someone's parents or their requests for favours, it's pretty shitty to turn away a child at your door who asks for help. I wouldn't do that to a sixteen year old who turned up at my door, let alone a seven year old. If I was annoyed with the parents for some reason, I would address that separately.

OP, I would cut ties.

somersethouse · 06/09/2013 19:49

PopiusTartius has summed it up perfectly. This issue has no logic to it whatsover.

phantomnamechanger · 06/09/2013 20:14

OP, I think this is all a misunderstanding. You MUST see how this looks from her POV - to her it looks like she said no can do, but YOU SENT him anyway! Why on earth did you not ring the school?

she does not have to be accountable to you or tell the truth about why she could or would not help today. It is significant that both parents were home and the DC were in a club. They do not have to tell you their business. They both gave different excuses because the wife had no idea your son would turn up anyway and so had not tutored her DH with the correct fob-off, so the DH was thinking on the spot and just wanted to get rid of him. Another day it may have been convenient and she might have said yes.

The fact that this looks like a rather one sided friendship is another matter, but even a genuine friend of yours would be entitled to feel a little pissed off for what they THINK happened today.

BrokenSunglasses · 06/09/2013 20:18

Point is that they both lied to him making out that she had gone out

No, it isn't the point! And she did help your son, you are making out like she put him on the kerb and forgot about him.

This woman could have been your friend for 115 years, she still doesn't have to tell you the truth about why it was inconvenient for her to help you out this time. And she certainly didn't have to tell your primary school aged child! She is allowed to lie

At what point would it have become acceptable for them to fib about their whereabouts to a child?

Maybe when telling the truth and still giving an answer acceptable to you would be 'Of course you can come in and wait for your Mum sweetheart, lets hope she's not too long so that my husband and I can get back to our cheeky afternoon shag'?

Or perhaps when the truth would be 'no, you can't come in and see X's Mum just now. Sorry son, it's just that we're waiting to see whether a little blue line will appear or not, and she might get a bit upset'?

Aaarghh! I don't know why I'm getting so wound up at this thread when it's so blatantly inconsistent, but I am!

phantomnamechanger · 06/09/2013 20:19

I really don't believe all the goody goodies on here saying things like this If any friend asked me to collect their child as they were running late it would not matter what was happening or how inconvenient it was, I would do it

I consider myself to be a good friend and often put myself out and do favours, but there are times when MY personal life and crises come top trumps over and above a friends problems and especially when there is a perfectly safe, sensible alternative for them - ie phone the school and get them to keep him at the office till you arrive.

eg would you really want someone elses kid on you hands when a debt councillor was coming over, or a police officer was coming to interview you as a victim or witness, or you were awaiting a vital call from your bank/mortgage lender?

phantomnamechanger · 06/09/2013 20:21

I agree with everything you've said on this thread broken sunglasses

somersethouse · 06/09/2013 20:25

so do I!

redskyatnight · 06/09/2013 20:28

There is one big unknown here - why did the friend lie to OP? The fact that she had her own DC in afterschool club suggests that she had a genuine reason (not just being unhelpful) for not wanting to look after him. Plus as her own DC were in afterschool club she would have to make a separate trip to get him - which whilst still not beyond the realms of helpfulness makes it a rather bigger favour than just picking him up if she's there anyway.

When DS turned up on her doorstep she was understandably pissed off. However, OP has said that the friend did ring to say DS was there - she didn't just send him off to sort himself out - she did do the responsible/helpful thing.

On the flip side, the OP, despite knowing that she was running late did precisely nothing to make sure her DS was safe. As about a zillion people have said, if she'd rung the school they would have told her DS and he would have sat in the office until she arrived and there would have been zero problem. Instead, OP does nothing and assumes that her DS is sensible enough to know what to do - which it turns out he isn't (deciding to go to the house of friends that are in after school club so good chance there is no one there, even if you gloss over the fact he shouldn't have left school grounds).

FannyMcNally · 06/09/2013 20:29

Everything broken sunglasses said. But also ds said she was talking to someone when he arrived. Someone who needed a shoulder to cry on perhaps? Perfectly good reason to 'lie' in my book.

ProjectGainsborough · 06/09/2013 20:33

But the child had to ASK if he could phone his mum. Why put a kid in an awkward situation? Surely you could pop him in the kitchen while you spoke to the debt collector, or whatever (I accept that the shag might've more difficult Grin ).

Take your issues up with the adult, don't make the child feel bad.

QuintessentialOldDear · 06/09/2013 20:37

Ooooh, I think I have just slightly fallen in love with PopiusTartus. Well done for getting to the gist of it. While sitting on your hands, no less! Grin