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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

That you should of helped

246 replies

bongobaby · 06/09/2013 14:08

Was running 10 minutes late past school pick up time and rang my friend to ask if it would be okay
If my dc could stop at her house til I got there to collect him from her house. She said no,she was going out and couldn't, fair enough.
Anyway I got to the school and no sign if him, I got held up at a hospital appointment that over ran when it shouldn't of as it was at 1.50 pm so plenty of time I thought to get back.
I got a call a disgruntled call from my friend to say that dc had turned up at her house.
Turns out that her husband opened the door and wouldn't let my dc in as he thought that I had sent my dc round there and then her husband said that my friend was out. But my dc heard her from the kitchen talking.
My dc asked if he could get her to ring me and tell me that he was there.
I know that I was in the wrong for not being there on time , but I would never do that to a child who had the good sense to go to a friend for help in this situation.

OP posts:

Buzzardbird · 06/09/2013 16:31

No, it really is a 'thing' I am frightened now! Also discovered that a Bugaboo is a bogey-man, thought it was a pushchair?

Buzzardbird · 06/09/2013 16:32

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bugbear

Toocold · 06/09/2013 16:35

Why is it when someone asks a question, someone jumps in and corrects their grammar or spelling etc?!, why can't people just answer the question?, that's a bug bear of mine...

Op, I think your friend should have helped, yanbu if it was a genuine lateness.

HaroldLloyd · 06/09/2013 16:36

I wonder if the grammar police would do this in real life?

I should of thought that would get you a poke in the eye.

Its SO annoying. Its a million times more annoying than any error.

GAH! Its my bugbear. RUDE!

cushtie335 · 06/09/2013 16:39

It's quite ironic that all the posters moaning about the grammar being corrected are doing a much better job of derailing the thread and ignoring the actual question the OP has asked.

I think plenty of people have posted to insult the grammar correctors and not a lot else, adding nothing to the thread.

So far they've been told to "fuck off" several times and been told they "look like dicks".

None of the so called "grammar police" have been as insulting, goady and unpleasant as this. So well done. I think I know which ones "look like dicks".

digerd · 06/09/2013 16:41

I walked home and had to cross a road when I was 9. From the beginning of the juniors, I walked home, or caught the bus.
However, as you have looked after her DC at times and you were at a hospital appt. and were delayed, I feel she was very off with you for refusing. My DH may not have been delighted to let him in but he would have and been nice to him. And would have phoned you as your DC asked.
They are not friendly so can hardly be called friends.

usualsuspect · 06/09/2013 16:41

I gave the OP some advice.

You should of read the thread.

Tee2072 · 06/09/2013 16:43

I agreed that the OP should of given her son a key.

cushtie335 · 06/09/2013 16:44

And you've also made about 4 posts that contain no advice whatsoever, just nasty insults. As I say, well done. I think I know who the "dick" is.

usualsuspect · 06/09/2013 16:48

Wot,like your last two posts?

QuintessentialOldDear · 06/09/2013 16:51

I really wish all the high and mighty pedantic language police could take a hike.

As a foreigner, I keep being amazed at the mockery that is made of both dialects, colloquialisms and imperfect use of English.

JessieMcJessie · 06/09/2013 16:57

why couldn't your son go to after school club with your friend's DC?

Toocold · 06/09/2013 16:58

I do believe I answered the op...I also did not call anyone a name, it never ceases to amaze me what people will say on the internet but not in real life, you are being mean to the OP, it is not necessary.

Op, I hope you sort it out.

ilovebabytv · 06/09/2013 17:05

jessie, i may be wrong, but afterschool club isn't a drop in club for everyone to use in an emergency? It is usually pre arranged on a scheduled basis, otherwise they wouldn't make any money and couldn't guarantee everyone spaces. Common sense surely?

somersethouse · 06/09/2013 17:06

Aside from all the crap and bad language, bad grammar, the situation was the following... 'can you take my DC after school' reply' no I can not'
This is the end of this story.

How can it be otherwise, she was told 'no', she took no notice and now is moaning about it. Would YOU do that to a friend, just think 'she can look after Dc anyway' Would you leave your DC without putting other provision in place, because I would NOT.

Honestly.
What should the friend have done, I just do not understand, at ALL why she is at fault, the OP should be apologising to her and feeling really embarrassed, I sure as hell would be. She should also apologise to her DC.

BrokenSunglasses · 06/09/2013 17:06

What happened in the end?

Did you pick you son up from her doorstep, or did he walk home?

You cannot be certain that she would have told you if she had something going on, people quite often keep stuff about their own marriages or whatever private, and you just wouldn't know.

You aren't being a very good friend to her either if you can't accept that she said no for a reason and leave it at that.

Have you apologised to her for allowing your son to turn up at her house after she said no?

MammaTJ · 06/09/2013 17:10

You have had her DC for her and never asked her for help before! I would never ask again but also be sure to be bust washing my hair every time she asked for help from now on!

Having said that, I help my friends a lot, as they do me but I don't usually have other people's children when I don't have my own! If hers were in after school club that she had paid for for some child free time, maybe she was not being unreasonable but she should have told the truth!

usualsuspect · 06/09/2013 17:11

Her DS was very sensible to go to a trusted adults house.

He didn't know the 'friend' had said no did he.

HaroldLloyd · 06/09/2013 17:12

I was sticking up for the OP actually. I would be very pissed off if I posted a problem on here and got a load of people correcting my grammar.

Its RUDE.

OP, your friend might have thought you were taking a liberty as shed said no, however leaving a child on the doorstep is not nice, she should of let them in.

somersethouse · 06/09/2013 17:14

She should have said whatever she bloody liked, she couldn't take the OP's DC. End of.
A real friend would not impose and would take 'no' as 'no'.

NO is NO.

Vivacia · 06/09/2013 17:16

Yep, I think you've for the wrong end of the stick there, Somer.

Also, I agree with cushtie. Those calling names and those taking the mickie with the 'of's have caused far more derailment and unpleasantness.

MammaTJ · 06/09/2013 17:17

The OP didn't impose, her DS went there without her telling him to!

I would never turn a child away in those circumstances but then I wouldn't lie to a friend either!

Tee2072 · 06/09/2013 17:19

It wasn't the OP who took no notice, though. There was a distinct lack of communication from the OP to her son, true, but she hardly told her son to go to the friends house.

Talk about not reading the thread.

The OP's point isn't that the friend couldn't help. It was that the friend then lied to the OP's son when son found himself at her house.

The OP's mistake was not ringing the school as soon as her friend said no.

And would of thought y'all could of realized that in all the other crap on this fucking thread.

And yes, I do talk to people like this in real life. And I have tons of friends.

BrokenSunglasses · 06/09/2013 17:19

Usual, her ds would have expected to be picked up from school as OP was planning on being on time to collect him.

I would be going crazy at my year 5 child if he had decided to wander away from the school when he was expecting to be picked up.

The sensible thing for him to have done would have been to go back into school and tell them that his mum wasn't there, or just waited as OP insists that she was only ten minutes late.

MammaTJ makes a good point, the friends children were in after school club when both she and her husband were around. There has to be a reason for that, even if it was just that they wanted an hour alone without their own, or anyone else's children.

Retroformica · 06/09/2013 17:22

Your child shouldn't have left school. Maybe ring the school next time? But also your friend, even if she didn't want to ring/have contact, shouldn't have pretended not to be in.

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