Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to see my MIL'a colostomy bag again

93 replies

AQuarkTooFar · 05/09/2013 21:57

Once was enough, the second time was just not necessary!

No reason to show me it, she just thought I might be interested. Bleurgh not close enough for that chat.

My DM is now listing everyone she knows that has had a colostomy bag including the Queen Mum! Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
AQuarkTooFar · 05/09/2013 21:58

MIL's not MIL'a!

OP posts:
CharityFunDay · 05/09/2013 22:00

HM QETQM did not have a colostomy bag.

Original poster
AQuarkTooFar · 05/09/2013 22:02

Thanks Charity I will inform my DM.

OP posts:
northernlurker · 05/09/2013 22:02

Oh grow up OP. Lots of people of all ages have a colostomy. There but for the grace of God go you in fact. I'm not lining up to see them but getting all 'Bleurgh' about it is just juvenile.
Just change the subject of conversation and thank your lucky stars your gut works as it should.

ShatnersBassoon · 05/09/2013 22:03

Bah, toughen up a bit. She thinks she can trust you to be sympathetic and sensible about something unpleasant she has to cope with.

KenDoddsDadsDog · 05/09/2013 22:04

Wise up OP.

auntmargaret · 05/09/2013 22:04

YABU

runningonwillpower · 05/09/2013 22:05

I'd rather see one than have one.

Fairylea · 05/09/2013 22:06

Maybe she's looking for some sympathy and support?! They're not particularly pleasant things to have (my mum has severe crohns disease and has had two at different times).

SilverApples · 05/09/2013 22:06

Gods, how old are you?
Older than my nephew who had one, glad his sisters were more accepting. Your DM sounds fab!

somersethouse · 05/09/2013 22:06

YABU

MissBetseyTrotwood · 05/09/2013 22:07

Oh it's only a colostomy bag fgs. Good for her she's unbothered by it.

KirjavaTheCat · 05/09/2013 22:08

She wasn't asking you to take a sip, chill.

Original poster
AQuarkTooFar · 05/09/2013 22:10

I am being sympathetic and glad she will be getting the op she needs so she won't have to have it on for much longer. I'm sorry I was obviously wrong but we are not that close so I found it a bit odd that I have been shown in great detail the workings of it twice now.

OP posts:
Alisvolatpropiis · 05/09/2013 22:11

I can see why you don't want to see it, that is not unreasonable.

But I would imagine your MIL is perhaps trying to get to grips with the fact she has one, showing you, talking about all the people she know has/had one might be part of her getting used to it and normalising it. It's probably less about you than you think.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 05/09/2013 22:12

My gran has a colostomy bag. I hate seeing it. It reminds me how much she has suffered last few years. 4 years on I still get a lump in my throat. I dont blame you for not wanting to see it. But really I think you should get over yourself. If she is unbothered by it I think its only right you should not be too.

NappyHappy · 05/09/2013 22:13

Dh had one for years, we named it Ripley.

Chill, be glad your guts work.

northernlurker · 05/09/2013 22:13

Well it's a pretty remarkable thing tbh. I think it's much healthier for mil to be interested in it - and sharing that - than ashamed or frightened.

OP - had it even occurred to you that there could be mumsnetters with bags? I'm sure there must be. That's kind of why we need people like your mil keeping us in the loop because this is not uncommon.

Moxiegirl · 05/09/2013 22:16

Yanbu, I wouldn't want to see it either.

northernlurker · 05/09/2013 22:17

my story Here's a story on the colostomy website from a woman who could easily be a mumsnetter. Lots of other info on there if people need it.

Conina · 05/09/2013 22:18

I think she's probably quite scared about people being nasty and looking for a little support. A close relative whos had a colostomy was mortified once leaving a toilet when some girl walked in and made a comment about something she took to be about her, and was tearful for literally weeks.

Be kind OP if you can. Kindness to someone who's not well and by the sounds of it feeling vulnerable would be compassionate. Not lecturing, just a little sad for the mil.

northernlurker · 05/09/2013 22:20

Don't know how the my story got in there - it isn't mine but it is very interesting!

MohammedLover · 05/09/2013 22:23

There was a fantastic section of Radio 4's Woman's Hour where they talked about colostomy bags. Very interesting and informative. I would recommend a quick search and listen again.

morethanpotatoprints · 05/09/2013 22:23

Ah, OP I wouldn't want to see my mils if she had one either.
My Dad, bless him had cancer and had one and even though I saw it occasionally it isn't something I relished.
I do think its as others have said she is probably coming to terms with having to have one for a while.
Just be supportive and pleasant when she shows you for the umpteenth time and be glad she will be better soon. Thanks

Original poster
AQuarkTooFar · 05/09/2013 22:24

I am sorry for any offensive caused, I think I only really said bleurgh because I really am not that close to my mil and its not the sort of thing we share. She is

OP posts: