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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to see my MIL'a colostomy bag again

93 replies

AQuarkTooFar · 05/09/2013 21:57

Once was enough, the second time was just not necessary!

No reason to show me it, she just thought I might be interested. Bleurgh not close enough for that chat.

My DM is now listing everyone she knows that has had a colostomy bag including the Queen Mum! Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
AQuarkTooFar · 05/09/2013 22:24

Generally fit and healthy apart from this and I am helping her anyway I can.

OP posts:
northernlurker · 05/09/2013 22:25

OK Op, fair enough. She must really trust you anyway - which is lovely to know isn't it?

lunar1 · 05/09/2013 22:28

She may be insecure about it and being open about it helps her cope. I'd try and find some empathy for her.

TheYoniWayIsUp · 05/09/2013 22:32

My dad chose a colostomy bag over death. Pretty grim choice.

So sorry you've had the trauma of seeing a colostomy bag, that must have been dreadful for you Hmm

CharityFunDay · 05/09/2013 22:34

I think the OP is getting an unnecessarily hard time over this. I wouldn't want to see someone's colostomy bag either. Perhaps once, out of curiosity, but no more. And if I had one, I certainly wouldn't show it to other people -- same as I don't go around showing my arsehole to other people.

Rainbowshine · 05/09/2013 22:35

Speaking For myself, who had to have a catheter bag for a week and tried (unsuccessfully) to hide it from visitors in hospital, it must have been a brave thing for your MIL to show you this. No it's not pleasant, but perhaps she sees you as an ally and someone trustworthy enough to share something so personal with.

MyDarlingClementine · 05/09/2013 22:38

If I didn't like my DIL much I might show her mine Wink I might even ask her to help me empty it.

duchessandscruffy · 05/09/2013 22:40

Do you not like your MIL generally? God I would imagine that having a colostomy bag would be hideous, and if people were like 'eeeeew' if I tried to show it to them it would make me feel even shittier.

duchessandscruffy · 05/09/2013 22:42

Oh god that wasn't meant to be a pun in my last post Blush

whatareyoueventalkingabout · 05/09/2013 22:45

poo isn't particularly nice to look at for anyone except possibly Gillian mckeith, maybe feign interest and be thankful that she isn't upset or embareased about it, but ask her to refrain during mealtimes? reasonable compromise?

rlhmum · 05/09/2013 22:52

my eleven year old had an ileostomy ..it isn't pleasant and she would rather not have it but she has no choice . she lives everyday knowing thst most people think its bleugh !

Scuttlebutter · 05/09/2013 22:54

My lovely friend had one before she died of bowel cancer. Sad I still miss her. I felt very honoured and privileged that she was willing to share information with me, and that she trusted me with something so personal. It wasn't easy for her.

OP, best wishes to your MIL, and I hope you can continue to support her. It's lovely that she felt able to discuss it with you.

ExitPursuedByADragon · 05/09/2013 22:55

Cliff Richards?

Silverdaisy · 05/09/2013 22:56

Perhaps OP may regret starting this thread?

A colostomy bag is nothing to be ashamed of and will provide a better quality of life for the individual.

Personally i wish my parent would talk more openly about their bag.

themaltesefalcon · 05/09/2013 22:58

OP, my guess is that you are really quite young and have never been involved in the care of someone with severe health problems.

Your post isn't even offensive, just silly and self-centred.

Original poster
AQuarkTooFar · 05/09/2013 23:02

Nope I don't regret starting this thread because you have all made me realise I have been silly for being bothered about it. Thanks.
Again I apologise for any offence caused.

OP posts:
wannabestressfree · 05/09/2013 23:02

I am relatively young (thirties) and have a colostomy bag permanently. It's bloody awful but I had no choice - have severe crohns and early bowel cancer. I honestly forget after being chopped open so many times that other people are squeamish about it. I stroke with it, play with it, it makes noises and fills up at an alarming rate and if I am really lucky leaks all over me in the night! I take 30 Imodium after a very recent discussion with a specialist to control it as it has a life of its own.....
I would feel honoured as sometimes I feel desperately lonely that no one just wants to chat about it.....(apart from a lovely lady on here)
It's not a nice thing and for some of us it can't ever be reversed

CharityFunDay · 05/09/2013 23:06

ExitPursuedByADragon

I'd heard that Cliff has a colostomy bag before, but in his latest pin-up calendar (God, the things I google in the name of research), there are topless shots and no sign of a cb or a corresponding scar, so I think we have to write that one off as urban myth.

Petula Clarke on the other hand...

ExitPursuedByADragon · 05/09/2013 23:08

Hmmmm. You may be right. Cliff and the Queen Mum may not be true.

idiot55 · 05/09/2013 23:18

Why do mumsnet terms give people a hard time like this.

It's a fact not everyone likes seeingmbody parts etc, she didn't say she wasn't interested in her Mil s colostomy or didn't have sympathy, merely she didn't like to look.

Jeez folks calm down

valiumredhead · 05/09/2013 23:23

Thank your lucky stars you don't need one OP! Poor mil,I feel sorry for her thinking you might be sympatheticHmm

I've seen a bag, in fact I've helped an elderly lady change hers, I was only 18 at the time and it was such a non event. Stop making such a fuss about nothing.

valiumredhead · 05/09/2013 23:25

I just read the whole thread and see you've had a change of heart-that'll teach me to rtffGrin

valiumredhead · 05/09/2013 23:25

RTFT

YouAreMyRain · 05/09/2013 23:33

I had to have life saving bowel surgery at the age of 39 and there was a very strong likelihood that I would end up with a colostomy bag.

My illness came out of nowhere, there but for the grace if god OP.

Glad you have had a change of heart.

reelingintheyears · 05/09/2013 23:40

Well I don't blame you, I would not want to see anyone's colostomy bag either.
Shame that they have to have one but that doesn't mean I want to see it.