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Original poster

To have smiled sweetly and said nothing to this school bully

515 replies

DrinkFromMyFountain · 05/09/2013 14:55

14 years ago I left school. There was one girl who made my life hell, said a load of nasty things about me and told me I would never amount to anything. She also said I'd end up single and Childless at 30 working in a shop. (NB I see nothing wrong with this, but it was meant in a horrible, nasty, put downy way). This was amongst various other things she said and did to try to make my life a misery.

This morning I took my car to the car wash and saw her working there washing cars.

I ordered my car wash for my naice car with my baby DS in the back and said "fancy seeing you here". She made a grimace of a face and carried on with her work.

Karma you beauty.

OP posts:
Hullygully · 06/09/2013 23:40

need.

I'm not sure Siddharta had a horse, though perhaps he had a stable when still a prince.

HappyYoni · 06/09/2013 23:42

Sorry I even made myself want to vom with that post :)

OlympicSleepingChampion · 06/09/2013 23:47

I can understand the OP's position. As I think she made very clear, the bully was the one who said that working in a shop/car wash or whatever was beneath them and was what they expected their victim to be doing whereas they would be some sort of high flying executive. Quite why bullying victims shouldn't find any satisfaction in their tormentors ending up doing the very jobs they swore they were far too superior to do I don't really understand. I bloody well would.

Anyway, I was never bullied at school but I was at work. It was an utterly miserable time, I was constantly undermined, made to feel stupid, was constantly picked at and I longed to resign but couldn't afford to give up my job. I took the first opportunity to apply for a transfer to another part of the department and that move was the making of me. I really found my niche, did well, took professional exams and got promoted a few times.

And my old bully of a manager? Well she's still at the same grade she was back then in 1995. I'm now significantly more senior. Do I gloat? Yes I bloody well do! But I'm also sensible enough to realise that although she has applied to be promoted several times since I worked for her and has been knocked back every time that it's because she isn't a very good at her job and is a pretty poor manager. It's nowt to do with karma or me. It's all to do with her.

deakymom · 06/09/2013 23:48

i was called a lesbian for being a virgin at 13 and my life was made hell one of the ladies has her children at the same school as me she sees me with my three kids size 10 (ish) and my husband (definitely not a wussy "gay" boy she told me i would marry if i ever wanted to breed) and she is there size 20 struggling with her diet and exercise to lose weight she is actually quite polite to me now my husband thinks i should rub it in but i tell him why rub in what burns her anyway? im not as cruel as she is and if she ever asks me how im so slim after three kids and what is my secret is? will tell her im actually very sick with graves disease see how jealous she is then x (yes i really do have graves disease so im not even lying)

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 06/09/2013 23:50

I used to feel bad because I couldn't forgive my bullies - and I couldn't forgive my mum, who dismissed what was happening to me, in such a final way that I never felt able to go back to her and tell her it was still happening, and I never felt able to 'tell' at school, because I thought I'd be facing the repercussions on my own - mum wouldn't be there to back me up.

But fairly recently, someone on here said that saying someone should be able to forgive the bullies actually denies the validity of their feelings. I had felt like such a failure for being unable to forgive.

HappyYoni · 06/09/2013 23:56

SDTG, I really hope the I haven't made you or anyone else feel that way. If someone told me who I should and shouldn't forgive I would be hopping mad.
And really when I said that for me forgiveness led to healing and happiness, that's really only part of the picture...it wasn't just forgiveness, it wasa whole heap of things that I was really lucky to have...opportunities, love, support etc. it was the combination of all those things that took me to a point where I felt I was happy and had healed those wounds.
I really want to go back to discussing ice cream! This thread is in danger of unleashing my incredibly soppy side where I say things like I think all of you who have contributed to this thread are amazing and intelligent and strong wether we agree or not. And that won't do because I am far too street for that kind of nonsense.

curlew · 06/09/2013 23:56

I'm sorry, drinkfrommyfountain- but you didn't sound even slightly ashamed of your feelings........

reelingintheyears · 07/09/2013 00:05

And you think she should Curlew?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 07/09/2013 00:07

You haven't made me feel that way, HappyYoni. Not at all - I have made my peace with not being able to forgive them at the moment.

curlew · 07/09/2013 00:10

She agreed with me when I said that there are feelings that I think I am justified in having- but I am ashamed of having. And this sort of delighting in others misfortune would be something that I would not share with anybody else.

HappyYoni · 07/09/2013 00:13

Cool SDTG, I'm glad I didn't make you feel rubbish. I didn't mean to get on my soapbox quite so much :)
Am off to bed now, night all.

reelingintheyears · 07/09/2013 00:13

I don't think you need to be ashamed of your feelings at all.

But I do think that as life goes on you might be happier if you left stuff behind.

You don't have to forgive but it might help to put it aside.

musicismylife · 07/09/2013 00:32

Op, do not feel bad. You didn't seek her out to say 'look at me now', you bumped into her and because the bully never reconciled with you, you were in a situation where the shoe was on the other foot.

two girls at school constantly made jibes about my colour. In the beginning it didn't bother me but soon it became all the time, in front of everyone. It affected me but I never spoke out.

Both of them added me on Facebook, I thought let bygones be bygones. got a message on Facebook a couple of years ago from one of the girls. Apparently her mixed-race child was being bulled at primary school and
she wanted advice. I was more Shock by her amnesia.

differentnameforthis · 07/09/2013 01:00

Knowing the damage that bullying does, I hesitate to condemn someone who isn't recovering from that bullying

I am not condemning her at all. As I said, I WAS bullied. In all my schools, for most of my school life. BUT that doesn't give me the right to sneer at the choices my bullies made/make. That makes me NO better than they were then.

That girl that bullied free was used for sex, regardless of what anyone wants to say! Free didn't know it at the time, the girl didn't know it at the time, but she was. And something in her life made that acceptable to the girl (regardless of what free says). She ended up pregnant at 14 because lads thought she was easy, not because they wanted to fall madly in love with her. Perhaps at some point she was raped, or had sex when she didn't want to...does that still make it ok?

That NONE of you can see this makes me Angry

differentnameforthis · 07/09/2013 01:01

Do you know what it's like being told you're ugly all the time?

yes, my mum told me very often.

differentnameforthis · 07/09/2013 01:11

I'm uncomfortable about the victim blaming that is going on

I'm not blaming the victim, I am blaming the ADULT that the op & free is now, because they should know better!

They were bullied for some time, I get it, so was I. But I can see that my bullies at the time were kids, possible very messed up.

My mother on the other hand, also bullied me. She was an adult & should have known better. But to wish 'karma' on her is just holding onto the past & making me bitter & full of hatred.

Yes, I do know what it is like to be called ugly, to be told that you would amount to nothing, that no one would love me because if my own mother couldn't, who would. That my boyfriend (when I moved in with him at 18) only wanted my money & would leave me as soon as he had access to it. That my sister was better than me & would do better. EVERY.DAY. There was something. So don't tell me I don't understand.

But to hold onto it would destroy me, and make me as bitter as some on here! So with the help of my wonderful dh (who didn't run off as soon as he had my money) I have learnt that bullies don't have to dictate my life anymore. It's called moving on! And God it was hard, and I still have wobbles. But revel in the fact that her life is less than what she planned for herself, no thanks.

Haven't got time for that!

differentnameforthis · 07/09/2013 01:23

Why this determination to pity the perpetrator

Erm...because we are talking about CHILDREN!!!

How many of you are all over the party invite threads saying "you can't exclude a child because they are bullying your ds if you are inviting the whole class. He is a child, he doesn't understand. Excluding him would be bullying him. It would make you no better than him."?

There...THAT sympathy for a 'bully' who knows no better.

And here? The condemnation of a adult who bullied someone as a CHILD.

See the irony yet?

Morloth · 07/09/2013 01:40

I don't believe in karma, the way the world is prives that it is a crock of shit.

I do however enjoy a good 'sucked in' moment.

Not a particularly forgiving person. Can't be arsed really. I don't bother with people who piss me off or treat me badly.

People have too much angst.

everlong · 07/09/2013 07:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Zoe999 · 07/09/2013 07:55

Different + 100
I hear u.
A girl who was a bit tough in my school, mocking us for being virggins as well, it turns out she was raped. I feel sorry for her 13 year old self now because i am an adult looking back on it.

SpecialAgentCuntSnake · 07/09/2013 08:46

Spot on Different. Spot on.

SuePurblybilt · 07/09/2013 09:08

portofino - I'm afraid you misunderstood entirely if you thought I was commenting on someone's punctuation. I was explaining the difference between:

no harm done and
no, harm done

ABF 'missed' the comma - as in appeared not to notice it in SDTG's post and and therefore the significant change in the sentence.

So you can rest easy. Nobody was commenting on punctuation on a thread about bullying. Which frankly was the least of the problems on this thread, but at least we're one wee humphy face to the good, eh?

MarmaladeTwatkins · 07/09/2013 09:11

Oh hai Sue.

Arnie123 · 07/09/2013 09:12

I would have gloated a bit more but well done hahaha

DownstairsMixUp · 07/09/2013 09:18

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.