to think that Rachel Manning's mother was poorly advised in her statement to the media?

[Mintyy]

It goes without saying that I have the utmost sympathy for her and everything she has been through. I can only think that her grief has affected her judgement, though .

Most of her statement is devoted to praising the police (who oversaw two terrible miscarriages of justice) and she seems to be complaining about the re-trials she has had to attend. Then she makes a very dubious comment about her dd's boyfriend, and no acknowledgement at all (as far as I could see) that two men spent a considerable amount of time in prison for a crime they did not commit.

As I said, I feel dreadful for this woman. But was it wrong of her to make that comment about Barri White? and not to acknowledge that they were very wronged too?

I don't think I'd care much in that situation how I came across to anyone. She was being honest about the way that she felt.

No, it won't be nice for the acquitted man to read/hear, but then it's not her fault he got wrongfully convicted. She owes him nothing and she has nothing to apologise for. I don't think it's going to be the top of her agenda to make sure she doesn't offend him.

I winced but would I have been any more generous or gracious or whatever she wasn't, in her shoes? I can't say.

Of course she's wrong - logically speaking. Do you think logic comes into grief of this level though?

Please, let's just leave her alone and stop tearing the woman to pieces.

Actually sirchenjin for just one instance, Surrey Police have an awful lot to answer for over their dreadful investigation into the murder of Milly Dowler.

They were at the very least lazy and might be criminally negligent and involved with wider problems with the News International trials which will come later this year.

Their piss-poor investigations led to the murders of at least two other girls.

They seem to have got away with it so far and probably will do for good.

Often police investigations are shit and it doesn't help for bereaved families to let them off the hook just because they don't like their daughters' boyfriends and because liaison officers made them nice cups of tea.

I don't think anyone is saying she shouldn't express her feelings nerfmother but that vilifying an innocent man who has spent several years in prison for a murder that he did not commit is not ok. She basically blamed him in part for it and bearing in mind what he has gone through that is appalling.

I'm not sure I understand your point limitedperiod. The Police were negligent - of course they were. I haven't denied that

She should lay blame at the right door.

Sosorry lovecat :(

Of course she should - but until I'm in that situation (and I hope to bloody god I never have to live through the nightmare that she is) and know for sure how I would react then I won't judge her too hashly.

I vaguely knew Mrs Manning, in a professional rather than personal sense - my DF and DM knew her a lot better, and she is a lovely, lovely woman who was totally devastated by her daughter's murder.

I haven't really got anything else to add to this thread, but I just wanted to say that I find all this so sad, the anger she feels must be huge, and it must be so so difficult to know what to do with those high running emotions.

I sincerely hope that there are not many on Mumsnet judging her too harshly SirC. There are loads of caveats on this thread.

But, while people are giving leeway to the mother of the victim, they are forgetting the boyfriend of the victime, who was not only bereaved on that night but also spent years in gaol as the consequence of a miscarriage of justice.

I just wonder - are so ready to sympathise with the mother of a murder victim that we are willing to write off the experiences of someone (male and not a mum) who actually served time for that murder? Whilst explaining it away because the mum is so horribly bereaved and grieving?

That is the point of my thread.

Sir, I'm very close to someone who lost their 17 year old in awful circumstances. Just because she has lost a child doesn't mean that me, her family or friends wouldn't gently tell her, if we thought she was saying something misguided or inappropriate.

I don't think anyone is harshly judging Rachel's mother. They're just saying she's misguided.

Wow.

Am staggered that someone on this thread has so little empathy for a mother who lost her child in horrific circumstances, that she's criticising that mother for failing to show empathy to her daughter's boyfriend.

Show her a little empathy. Of course what she said was unfair. But it's unfair that her daughter's dead, that the children she might have had, will never be born, that the life she might have led, will never be lived. It's beyond unreasonable to expect her to be fair. She'd be a bloody saint if she were and requiring her to be a saint is totally unfair of us. If you don't like her public, unfair expressions of rage and grief and anguish, turn away from them, you don't have to witness them, much less critique them and demand she adopts a more measured, reasonable, fair approach to the murder of her child.

Ffs Basil, no one is saying the mum shouldn't be screaming from the roof tops in rage.

We are saying that it is very unfair of her to direct that unimaginable anger and grief towards an innocent man, whose life has been ruined by being convicted of the murder of his girlfriend.

Yes and I'm saying why expect someone who is in torment to be fair? It's not fair to expect that. She's allowed to scream her rage from the roof tops, but only if she directs the rage proportionately and fairly and in the correct direction? Sometimes that does happen, but when it doesn't, I don't think we should be surprised by it, or annoyed that we've been made to feel uncomfortable about it.

Someone went further than demanding fairness, though, which is what prompted me to post. They mentioned empathy for goodness sake, fairness isn't enough, she's expected to have empathy as well. I was a bit staggered by that.

Anyway, I've made my point so I'll shut up and go to bed.

Its a positively moronic thing to say and I can't believe that anyone would defend it such is its stupidity. This man has been put in prison for years for something he hasn't done and to place any responsibility for the event is nonsense. Also according to this logic no male should ever allow their female partner out alone, a truly ridiculous proposition.

And I am staggered that you are defending this Basil. You say it is unreasonable to expect her to give empathy to her daughter's boyfriend as though you have forgotten that he has spent 6 years in prison for a murder he didn't commit! Now his life is completely ruined too....through no fault of his own and his girlfriend's mother is telling the whole world that he is still partly to blame for her death?! No one is lacking empathy for this poor mother but this young man is very much a victim too.

I can't get over her saying how well the police handled the case. They found blood at the scene that didn't match the victim or either accused and ignored it.

I don't think anyone is saying she shouldn't express her feelings nerfmother but that vilifying an innocent man who has spent several years in prison for a murder that he did not commit is not ok. She basically blamed him in part for it and bearing in mind what he has gone through that is appalling

That. She's damn close to slander IMO.

Also I note the the 2 men have received no compensation yet.

Nasty statement. No excuse for it.

Top post Callani Thu 05-Sep-13 15:48:59

I do understand how grief especially unfair unnecessary grief makes you lash out, one our son's died due to medical negligence, we then had to deal with the additional pain of finding out both boys bodies had not been returned intact(bristol scandal)

I was in a world of pain, I was lucky as someone brave(dad) did have the courage to remind me however wrong a situation was I didn't have the right to lash out and cause more damage.

I hope someone gives Liz Manning some real support and advice, she needs it, I really hope she can reach a place where she make an effort to retract her damaging statement, it would help her as well as them.

Someone up thread said these two innocent men have not had any compensation yet, that is totally disgraceful they need some support.

I must of left an evening out and gone off on my own, hundreds of times, I doubt anyone could ever stop me, most 19 year olds are fairly determined.

How would the mother feel if the two men put the blame on her daughter by perhaps saying she was wearing short skirt and too much make up and that's why she was murdered ? Would everyone say they were justified in their feelings and 'allowed' to say how they felt because they had been victims - or would people expect - especially after this length of time some empathy for her parents?

I agree with quoteunquote

But I agree that she must be in torment - unable to let go of an anger towards a man she believed to be guilty for so long.

So effectively mother is saying women shouldn't walk around in their own or are effectively being asked to be murdered??

We all need a big string man to chaperone is so we can be safe??

Poor poor man to lose 6 years of your life, your girlfriend and be proven innocent and still be blamed?????