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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think that Rachel Manning's mother was poorly advised in her statement to the media?

153 replies

Mintyy · 05/09/2013 13:56

It goes without saying that I have the utmost sympathy for her and everything she has been through. I can only think that her grief has affected her judgement, though Sad.

Most of her statement is devoted to praising the police (who oversaw two terrible miscarriages of justice) and she seems to be complaining about the re-trials she has had to attend. Then she makes a very dubious comment about her dd's boyfriend, and no acknowledgement at all (as far as I could see) that two men spent a considerable amount of time in prison for a crime they did not commit.

As I said, I feel dreadful for this woman. But was it wrong of her to make that comment about Barri White? and not to acknowledge that they were very wronged too?

OP posts:
Coast2Coast · 05/09/2013 15:28

Wow, what a caaaah.

loveliesbleeding1 · 05/09/2013 15:36

Totally agree with mintyy.

timidviper · 05/09/2013 15:37

This poor woman is clutching at straws trying to rationalise an awful situation that no parent should ever have to face. Of course she is wrong and that poor young man has paid a dreadful price.

Lazymonkey says it all really

ExcuseTypos · 05/09/2013 15:40

I agree with you Op

Whilst I have enormous sympathy for her, she should not be so publicly blaming the boyfriend. He's spent years in prison for a murder he didn't commit. I think he's suffered enough without the mother saying what she has.

I heard him on the radio yesterday. He said he had a lovely life, a lovey girlfriend, a good job and its all gone. He's never had a job since coming out of prison and he said he doesn't expect to ever get one.

TallulahBetty · 05/09/2013 15:42

Totally agree.

ExcuseTypos · 05/09/2013 15:43

TheUgly I doubt very much the woman would have a press officer to check her statement.

UterusUterusGhali · 05/09/2013 15:46

Agreed.

celticclan · 05/09/2013 15:47

That is a terrible thing for the mother to have said. How many of us have been in situations where we have stormed off after an argument?

The boyfriend is not in any way responsible for what happened.

Callani · 05/09/2013 15:48

I read it this morning and thought it was a very harsh thing to say, even if it was understandable in her grief.

Could you imagine how dreadful these years have been for Barri as well as for Rachel's mother?

First of all you have a drunken row with your girlfriend and she disappears off. After a few hours of not hearing from her you get worried and go out looking for her to no avail. You think the worst has happened when your girlfriend is found dead and the gut wrenching guilt of letting her go off on her own starts to eat you up.

But it turns out that you haven't hit rock bottom yet because soon enough you're suspect number 1 and you're dragged through the hell of police interviews, of people genuinely thinking that you could have done something so horrific to the girl you love. You hold on to the thought that you're innocent because this is England and we have fair trials here and the rule of law and you didn't do it and you were with Keith anyway the whole time so people have to believe you.

Unfortunately the idea of a fair trial seems to have become somewhat mangled, and before you know it you're listening to a fake expert claiming to have proof that Rachel's dead body was in Keith's van. You hear testimonies saying that this evidence and that could only have happened because you murdered your girlfriend and you want to shout at them "I DIDN'T DO IT" but they're not listening to you - they've already made up their minds and they will see you go down for this crime.

And the jury believes it and they look at you with hatred because this man killed his girlfriend and then plotted to cover it up with his friend and isn't that the lowest of the low. And he's still pretending that he's innocent which makes things all the worse.

And so you're sent down to rot, for a crime no-one believes you didn't commit. And you're so angry and you're so broken because no-one believes you, and every time you try to protest your innocence you get a look of disbelief, or a jeering "yeah right mate" as if your innocence is a joke, a game played as part of the system.

And above all rests this sense of guilt of what happened, of what could have happened if you'd gone after her, of how it could have been difficult. And of all the lives that have been ruined because you didn't go after her, not just hers and yours, but all of her friends and family and you have so much guilt about that but you're also angry because SHE went off on her own - it wasn't your fault. But that doesn't matter to anyone except you anymore. So you're grieving instead, for her, for your freedom, for a life you could have had together...

And finally, after 3 years in prison, someone does believe you. Someone who actually understands the court system and questions the evidence and you see a light at the end of the tunnel and it must be ending soon. And it will end, but it takes 2 years to gather the evidence to quash a wrongful conviction, and another year and a retrial before you're free to go. Six years in hell for a crime you didn't commit but you're free.

But it's not the end of it, not really. Six years inside and you don't have the first clue what to do now. You have nowhere to go, and all around you people are whispering "Well if he didn't do it, how come they haven't caught someone else?" And who's really going to give a job to someone who's just spent 6 years in prison for murdering his girlfriend, even if he's found not guilty in the end?

But you get on, for 5 years you try to get along, trying to forget what happened to Rachel, trying to forget what happened to you, dealing with the trauma, and the nightmares, and the sheer paranoia that comes from being falsely charged. And when someone is finally caught for what they did, finally convicted for Rachel's murder you're not angry, you're relieved because now you can put a face to what you've been through, now you can put ghosts to rest and try to come to terms with what happened, rather than trying to guess.

But Rachel's mum doesn't agree - you didn't save her and so you killed her. You're guilty by default. It doesn't matter that the murderer has a name, you didn't look after her little girl and you abandoned her to be killed so you will always be guilty and 13 years after this whole nightmare began, you believe her.

Isabelonatricycle · 05/09/2013 15:59

Callani, that is a brilliant post. Never been in this position so of course I can't accurately imagine the emotions, but that really hammers home how unjust the statement was.

And it is too easy to step over from this statement to victim blaming too.

Lilacroses · 05/09/2013 15:59

Poor bloke. What an unending nightmare for him. Dreadfully upsetting for her parents but to not express any regret that he was wrongly imprisoned and then to blame him.....awful.

Jewelledkaleidoscope · 05/09/2013 16:04

What about his parents? Who had to believe their son was guilty of murder Sad

I hope he gets a massive amount of compensation for this. The British justice system has ruined a man's life.

ExcuseTypos · 05/09/2013 16:06

I agree Jewelled. These men deserve a substantial payout.

Callani · 05/09/2013 16:11

Thank you Isabel I can only begin to imagine what he's going through but I think that the awfulness of what happened doesn't hit home unless you write it out like that...

I can only hope that Thames Valley Police finally give him and Keith an apology and appropriate compensation (but honestly, how do you give someone back 6 years of their life?)

CiderBomb · 05/09/2013 16:17

Am I right in saying that it was Rachel who stormed off drunk? He didn't leave her on her own, she walked off in a huff, he then drove around the streets of MK with his friend looking for her! That's not what I call abandoning someone.

I understand she is grieving and angry, but I thought to lay the blame at her boyfriend's feet when he's been acquitted and someone else sent to prison for the crime was horrible cruel on her part.

SirChenjin · 05/09/2013 16:22

She maybe should have kept her thoughts to herself....but I'm guessing that she's not thinking about this rationally, and that that she is still feeling incredibly angry and bitter.

So, on that basis I'm going to extend her every ounce of sympathy I have, acknowledge her pain and the fact that she's only human, and hope to dear god that I never ever find myself in that position of losing a child like that or having my subsequent media statement picked over.

GerardButlersSecretLover · 05/09/2013 16:22

I heard the interview with barri's friend on R2 at lunchtime. I don't know if it has been said but he said in the interview that Rachel rang her bf after the argument and he went to find her and she wasn't there when he got there! Sad

LadyBigtoes · 05/09/2013 16:23

I know, it's an awful thing to say, and deeply sexist and irrational. It has to be put down to the fact that she is has suffered so much and is not able to put other people's feelings first.

I hope the wrongly convicted men can see that too - not to let her off for saying it, but so that they can see she isn't right, and don't take it to heart. Fortunately, even with the sexism that is still rife, I don't actually think most people would think it was either Barri's fault or Rachel's fault, and that being alone at night does not mean anyone has a right to murder you, whatever sex you are. It was the murderer's fault.

KoalaFace · 05/09/2013 16:25

Callani that's really powerful. You seem like you must be a very empathetic person.

Callani · 05/09/2013 16:27

Thanks Koala I only meant to write something short and then I posted and it was SO long - thought people would think I was a bit of an eejit...

SugarMiceInTheRain · 05/09/2013 16:29

I thought it was awful - really really sad. He has suffered so much for something that wasn't his fault. They were discussing it on Radio 2 today and I know the mother must still be so distressed, but she really should have thought through what she would say before making this statement. I actually feel less sympathy for the mother as a result (I know this is a bit irrational, but still...)

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 05/09/2013 16:31

I do understand that the family must have been through absolute hell and to have such thoughts privately is sad but undertstandable, but to air them publicly is truly awful.

Really very unfair on an innocent man who himself has suffered incredibly.

cushtie335 · 05/09/2013 16:31

I saw Rachel's mother read this statement out on the 6 o'clock news last night and was stunned at the reference to Barri White "abandoning" her daughter. It was a horrible, malicious thing to say and although I have huge sympathy with her terrible, incalculable loss, I really think this statement was inappropriate and completely lacking in empathy for Barri White's terrible ordeal.

DuelingFanjo · 05/09/2013 16:35

I heard it on the radio earlier and was so shocked. The only thing i can think is that she was utterly convinced they had the right person and is finding it hard to move on form blaming him.

The only person to blame is the murderer. Clearly her daughter's boyfriend went to look for her.

NotYoMomma · 05/09/2013 16:35

what a terrible thing for her to say!

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