Pictures of sick child in hospital on FB?

[TheWomanWhoMisplacedHerHusband]

Close-up shots of very sick child sleeping/with drip in arms/trying to smile for camera with balloons people have given them with updates like 'thanks for the balloon they cheered her up a bit' taken by parents have come up on my feed (they don't know what's wrong with child yet).
Aibu to be a bit shocked at these?

I put pictures of dtds on fb with drip and one with dd1 helping with the feeding tube. Yes they were poorly so we missed all the congratulations bit but I didn't see what was wrong with stopping rumors and just saying all ok ish but this is what we're dealing with rather than having the same conversation over and over!
I did object to my cousin putting a picture of herself on fb with our nanna just before she died and looked ill - she would have been mortified that pictures went up with her in her night clothes without her teeth in.

Please do read what I actually posted axure as I clearly state I'm NOT saying the child has any of the viruses I mention. I am simply stating that a virus can be a serious condition, contrary to what you seem to be saying.

She could well have mumps or measles if her parents did not get her the MMR. Viral meningitis is also a possibility.

My point exactly Monty probably some childhood illness, but the parent posted on FB as if it might be something more serious - what normal person does that? Why would you want people to think that your child might be very ill, before you knew for certain? These threads rarely end well, I was just saying that I agree with OP.

I would not do this. But then I would not have a FB account either.

I didn't and my ds 2 was born at 24 weeks largely because I couldn't bear to see him so sick let alone anyone else. Having said that I have no problem with people doing it each to their own and I know a woman from nicu who updated her friends and family abroad that way, was a life saver for her.

When DS was in hospital I was actively encouraged to take photos by the staff. I thought it was mad at the time but I am so pleased I did.

Oh and his virus nearly killed him.

I find it odd behaviour too, but it has to be the parents' choice, although this particular example would make me feel uncomfortable. My little girl was admitted for 5 days at 11 days old for something horrible that she got over, thankfully. I didn't and wouldn't post in those circumstances, but I daresay I could see myself doing so in a more long term situation.

I also think that if you post on FB you are naive to expect a hearts and flowers reaction from everyone, even about this sort of posting.

I do think the op is being given an unnecessarily hard time. I judge all the time, rightly or wrongly. We all do. There's a lot of knicker-hoiking around today.

Parents make decisions all the time about what is appropriate on behalf of their child. Unless you think they are unfit parents, then like any other decision you might disagree with you just suck it up and think "well its not what I would do..."

I think you don;t know many 7 year olds if you think they don't understand facebook - my 7 yr old is well aware of facebook and sometimes asks me to put photos he's taken on it.

I post plenty of photos of DS on FB - its a great way of keeping in touch with friends and family who don't see him regularly. If he became ill I would be horrified that he should be hidden away so as not to offend anyone and he would probably be surprised that I had stopped treating him normally.

I have also posted my own attention seeking FB photos of my own illness because... I needed the attention. I was very isolated in hospital and the illness was a great deal more serious than most people realised at the time. I didn't feel able to come out and say to people "I am scared and lonely and I don;t know what the future holds for me (if there is one)" so I was jolly and chatty and dismissive instead. The photos on facebook brought home to people the reality of the situation.

I may well have behaved the same as them - to be honest I don't really know until it happens. You seem very sure of how you would behave in their situation.

I would be horrified

Bloody hell I am sick of seeing this on MN. Such hyperbole is rarely justified.

axure - you're very dismissive about an illness (childhood/common or not) that was bad enough to have a child admitted to hospital.

DS was admitted for croup once only for one night - and I've never been more terrified in my life. Croup is a very common childhood virus. If any "friend" had been been so dismissive at the time I was driving him to A&E in the middle of the night or in hospital before the steroids worked I don;t think I'd ever consider them a friend again.

As parents with an undiagnosed condition (potentially meningitis/pneumonia) we took pictures of our DS.

The picture of my son at deaths door with iv line and oxygen mask is in our family album but not on FB as it was not around at the time. If it had been I am not sure if I would have posted it there but can't honestly say. FB is a quick and easy way to let people know what is happening and as a parent you are pushed out a little bit whilst they deal with things in hospital. I was advised to stay out of the room whilst DS had a lumbar puncture. I did in fact stay with him and was there for him even though I didn't/couldn't do anything.

If it is something like meningitis you need to be able to show/explain to you child why they might have to have had limbs amputated etc when they are older.

I am more aggrieved by the constant photos of people lunches than I am of their children, be they well, ill or even dead. I unfortunately have one of these as well, in the album though not on FB.

I think it is one of these walk a mile in their shoes situations and also different strokes for different folks kind of thing.

kew my own dcs have no idea what FB is. They ate 10 and 8yo.
Mainly because I never use FB to keep on touch with friends and family.

But I wouldnot expect them to be able to judge whether it's ok to post some of their pictures because they don't have the knowledge to make an informed decision.

The thing is, if you regularly post pics of your dcs on FB and you are very careful or have a system to share photos with only close people, fair enough.
But I can see so many people putting photos of the dcs, wedding photos, graphic description if the birth of their child etcetc, all of which can be seen or read by people they hardly know. ... That, it makes me uncomfortable yes.

Really, Reindeer? I'm glad our hospital didn't have that policy because my daughter died shortly after she left hospital and we would have had almost no photos of her at all if we hadn't taken them in hospital
Or if she had died while still there, we would have had no photos at all.

charley I don't think anyone has said that taking a photo of your child in hospital is wrong. Not is it wrong to share it with family. even though I would never send a photo of one of my dcs to my mum when they are ill. She would be incapable of coping with it.
It's the openness of FB that creates problem. That and the fact some family members or friends wouldne happy to have some updates but others would get very upset by the photos. Unfortunately you canbe that post as to who will see the photos onFB

You're quite entitled to feel uncomfortable about it Lady - its not my place to decide who should or shouldn;t share whatever they like with whomever they like.

My pictures/posts are limited to friends only and with friends and family around the world it makes sense for us. But to be honest I wouldn't have a problem if my pictures were open for the whole world to see - though I would be careful about including photos with other people or illness photos. I don't think it will do my DS any harm for an acquaintance to see a photo of his first day at school anymore than if I dropped a photo album album in Sainsbury and a random stranger rifled through it.

I have been in hospital with total strangers who have shared incredibly personal details of their illness/life with me and no harm befell either of us.

There are real situations/illnesses in our life which cause us pain and damage which I am very careful about sharing. Photos of me being ill or DS on holiday not so much.

Choosing what you feel isn't a private moment and therefore sharable on facebook is a personal judgement and really not worthy of analysing people motives/parenting ability beyond a mild "Oooh further than I'd go".

Oh and I haven't said I allow DS to use his own judgement about what to post on FB - I said he is well aware of what facebook is and has asked me to share photos he's taken (ususally photos of Lego constuctions).

Weareseven yep the hospital really do have those signs up. Its a very small unit which deals with common childhood illnesses and minor surgeries. Anyone in a life threatening condition would be transferred to a larger hospital. I am sorry for the loss of your daughter.

I have noticed being on our ward a lot, that actually there are some parents who update FB for loved ones and some attention seekers who will post pics straight after a small surgery like getting tonsils removed just for attention. It is difficult to establish which people are which until you know them properly.

OP, each time you apologise for upsetting those who have had children in hospital, you go on to say something even more upsetting/offensive. It's quite nasty of you to call these parents selfish.

My 9 week old was admitted to hospital just last week. Took a few days to diagnose him with UTI but during those terrifying days when the doctors didn't know what was wrong, we received a lot of support from fb friends. And I was so relieved when his smiles came back that I thought nothing of posting a photograph taken in hospital to share with those on fb - I would have been happy to share it with the world!

YABU to judge others for how they react during what must be a horribly stressful time in their lives.

All a bit goady, this.

To me, it seems almost selfish of the parents to post these pictures of a sick sleeping child just so they can get comments of support. I'm a strong advocate of child privacy so it did upset me seeing these pictures, however after this thread I can see why it was done.

Yet you think nothing of coming on here and slating the worried parents of that child. What do you think the child you are so concerned about (whos age you don't even know) would think of you doing that.

As for a 6 or 7 year old not knowing what the pictures are being used for, my DD was only 8 a couple of weeks ago and DS turned 7 today, so until recently I had a 6 year old and a 7 year old, and they both knew when I posted pics of them on FB. There have been occasions when they have said 'Take a photo of me now and put it on FB for your friends to see it'. There was also one occasion when DD was having a hearing test and I asked her to pose for a pic and she wouldn't until I had promised not to post it on FB, which I respected. I am sure the ill child enjoys seeing the messages that will have been prompted by posting 3-4 pics a day (not excessive) while in hospital.

I had a whole blog about me and DS whilst we were in Kazakhstan - it was full (by the end) of photos of us and open to the world. Got over 100,000 hits - I must be the worlds most selfish and attention seeking parent!

I wonder how many people who contacted me are really posting on paretning forums in disapproving tones.

No matter - they're entitled to their opinion as are you. Would possibly be nicer to point out to them that their photos are set to friends of friends though so they have the choice of tightening up their privacy setting rather than just tut though.

Op, my 18mth old son was in hospital for 6weeks, when he was awake he was fine, but asleep he was very ill, needed oxygen and was very distressing to see. We used fb to keep friends and family updated (at3 in the morning when u are scared to sleep when yr dc is struggling to breath, it it is a useful tool)
My inlaws refused to acknowledge how poorly he was, even causing a massive row because they thought we were ignoring that one of them said they were depressed - we were taking it in turns to sleep at the hospital, and still trying to work when we could to keep the money coming in. The ONLY way to get them to see how ill he was, was to post a vid of him asleep on fb (at that point they were ignoring all other attempts at communication) it was very distressing to watch and I did put that on the post. Mother in law told me to take it down as it upset her, I told her where to go! She still didn't make the effort to see ds.

We did however get a lot of support from so many friends, some said that they were pleased we put the vid up so they understood what we were going through

My point is (sorry this is long) that only my very close friends knew WHY I felt the need to post it, and I am sad to think that those people might think of me how you are thinking of your "friend"
There are always other things you do not know, please try not to judge this family, they will be having a tough time
(Son is fine now after a small operation)

The really sad thing is - not one of the people flaming the OP has looked at this from the child's perspective, either now or in 10 years time.

Photos posted on Facebook become property of Facebook. Where do people think people find the pictures behind those awful "1,000,000 likes and this baby gets free surgery" from?!?

As a young adult looking back on the weeks spent lying in ITU aged 7, I feel that I had quite enough attention with the chest tubes, IV's, catheter and bandages without it being shown to the world. I have pictures, and I look back and feel proud that I made it to where I am, but I'm so glad only a select few have seen them, and that they aren't on the Internet. My parents coped, I coped, and it was tough to be so caught up in a whirlwind of surgery and rehabilitation. My parents received lots of phonecalls, and we're happy to share information with the right people.

A coping process for the parents it might be, but should that be at the expense of the child's right to privacy?

Porridge05 well said!

To clarify, I wasn't slating all parents that do this as there's lots of different time where it might help to raise awareness of illnesses etc - especially if the child is happy/awake/given consent.

However in this situation they were uploading pictures as soon as they arrived at hospital when child had a mystery illness. It really could have been touch and go and the thing they decided to do was take pictures for Facebook.

Surely you would ring your nearest and dearest first and tell them, not share it with Sharon from an old work place, for example.