AIBU to ask my mum not to hit a cushion while saying 'naughty cushion'?

[DH2R]

DW and I don't have a lot of 'rules' we're following while bringing up DD, but one we do have is that hitting is not done, in any form, to anything, ever.

This evening for the fourth time in about 2 months, I had to ask her not to hit a cushion, while saying 'naughty cushion'.

Caused a bit of upset.

Am I being unreasonable?

Can she not put the cushion in time out?

Unfortunately you can't control everything, it may be a rule you have set but it is a silly one and your m/mil, as an adult, is allowed to make some judgement calls. So long as she is not flouting your running with knifes or drinking bleach rules then I think you need to relax.

You need to contact the NSPCC, or the National Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Cushions.

It's confidential OP, you'll be taken seriously.

Good luck

DM/DMiL ... I'm DH (hence nickname) - she's DM to me. MiL to DW. I'm not a regular on here - I am not used to these abbreviations. Learning rapidly. Apologies for any confusion.

Also as a result of not being a regular I think I probably sound strange. I usually post in forums to do with programming where 'ernest' is the norm. I also am rather ernest by nature.

pigsDOfly - of course, I definitely will look back on this part of my life and realise that some of what I've done is wrong/misguided. But I'm a pacifist to the core - this is not one of those things. DM is demonstrating a behaviour I detest.

Tiggy That made me chuckle :)
Me and DP have been lightheartedly reprimanding bits of furniture etc since DD was tiny, now she's 4 and not once has she hit another person. All it did was distract her from crying and make her laugh. Unless your DM is being genuinely aggressive when she does this, I don't think it should be a problem.

I know this is a serious issue for you but YABU, my mum used to do this as did loads of my friends' parents and none of us has grown up thinking hitting was ok, we all appreciate it was just a gesture to make us giggle. Even at a young age we could appreciate the comedy and futility of hitting an inanimate object!

Tiggy, OP is genuinely worried and upset and you are not helping

OP, I do agree with you on this: "The problem I have is the very clear demonstration that when something bad happens, the way to respond is to retaliate, and particularly to do so with some form of violence."

It would be lovely if we could bring our DCs up with the perfect model of the world that we want for them until they are old enough to judge for themselves, however, in the nicest possible way, your DD is not yet 2 and you will realise before very long that it is impossibly precious to expect everyone or even anyone (save perhaps your wife) - yep, even your own parents - to constantly uphold the morals that you as her parents want her to imbibe. She is going to get exposed to the idea that something bad happening leads to retaliation (and, in fact, many other things that you find morally questionable) from lots of places - TV, nursery/school, other children, random strangers, relatives. All you can do is keep modelling and reinforcing the values you want her to grow up with and hope for the best. That's all any of us can do, really. And relax about the outside influences. You cannot control every variable, and it would make you insane even to try. Part of the challenge is combating them

Dear Earnest

Chill out and take the advice not to sweat the small stuff. Your mother is "not demonstrating a behaviour I detest" she's being silly with a cushion.

What on earth are you going to do when Tom and Jerry let alone Dr. Who comes on the TV?

DP occasionally does this, if (usually DD) has banged into something.

I always say "It's not the pole's fault, it's an inanimate object. DD needs to watch where she's going, " in my well-known leaden tone, while comforting the only sentient being involved in the child-pole interface.

Silly thing to say - like PPs have said, it does nothing to comfort the hurt child and doesn't offer any advice for the future.

I suggest that in future, Granny turns the cushion around so it can't watch TV. A minute per year of its life, I reckon....

Op I totally get where you are coming from. My mum does the same and was horrified and demanded to know where dd had learnt smacking in anger

I make my standard lamp stand in the corner...I'm abusive aren't I? :(

Yeah, Buzzard - I hear you make various terracotta pots stand in the gravel in your garden for days on end.....
You is a monster, innit.

sorry I am still laughing at tiggy,
OP I am so totally with you on this, I have a charity where I rehome cushions, they are treated with care and given a new home with no plumping, ever, I take donations if you are interested.

I think the cushion is dangerous and should be PTS.

Dangerous? Dangerous?

FFS! Will nobody think of the poor cushion in all of this?

You've seen what theyhave to put up with - all of you - and you ought to be ashamed.

Having their corners sucked by slobbering teethers
Thrown across the room at the TV when Ham Face Cameron comes on
Stretched tight in front of faces when it's Gove
Bounced up and down on - and you know there's no nappy in the world that holds all the poo in all the time

And the final indignity during potty training when Missy Pissy Knickers does her worst.

You don't know what this cushion had to put up with

So don't judge

If there's one thing in my house which needs a smack it's the cushions. They literally sit on the sofa all day doing fuck all. How is that modelling a good work ethic. It's just as they say, 'spare the rod, spoil the inanimate soft furnishing'.

Ooh this would really annoy me. Not so much because it's a bad example to set that if something (and therefore maybe someone) hurts you, you hit it - but also because it would be just SO IRRITATING.

I may have pmt.

Just don't take that pmt out on innocent cushions

sometimes I stand on my rug

I always did this when ds was little. If he banged his head on a table eg I'd say bad table and tell it off. It made him laugh.
Ds is now a perfectly functional adult at 18 BTW.

I wouldn't want to stand on vernon kay

I must say MIL does something like this which drives me round the bend. She picks up DS's shoes and hurls them on the floor really hard saying 'naughty shoes'. She does it to other stuff too and smacks them.

I'd like to say the reason it annoys me is because of some liberal good intention of not being violent and destructive, but sadly i can't (i am bringing up DS to be full of righteous indignation and vengeance - based on the teachings of the Punisher and Judge Dredd, perhaps with with a little of Robocops humanitarian influence - after all i'm not a complete monster!). No. It irritates the shit of me because it's just so fucking annoying. 'Naughty shoe, naughty shoe'. It's not a naughty shoe, it's just a fucking shoe!

I'd punch a cushion instead of a fucking scary hissy goose anyway. I wouldn't get v far punching Vernon Kay, I'm 5ft 3 and he's about 9ft tall. I guess I could kick him in the nads.

OP, don't sweat the small stuff is the best advice you've had. Other than the goose related stuff of course.

Vernon

D'oh - I had Peter Kay in my head and he's not 9 ft tall.